Howard the Duck (1986)
Chip Zien: Howard T. Duck
Photos
Quotes
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[Together in bed, Beverly seducing Howard]
Howard T. Duck : [flustered] I've got a headache...
Beverly : And I've got the aspirin!
Howard T. Duck : Be gentle.
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Howard T. Duck : No one laughs at a master of Quack Fu!
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Howard T. Duck : That's it, no more Mr. Nice Duck.
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Howard T. Duck : I've given up trying to assimilate. I've got to get back to my own kind!
[notices Beverly's behind as he watches her crawl across the top of her bed in her underwear]
Howard T. Duck : Althoooooough... I HAVE developed a greater appreciation for the female version of the human anatomy... ARROOOOO!
Beverly : Howard, you really are the worst!
Howard T. Duck : He-he!
Beverly : Come on, let's watch David Letterman. Come on!
[Pats the bed]
Howard T. Duck : Okie-dookie.
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Beverly : I was worried about you. I missed you.
Howard T. Duck : Well, sex appeal. Some guys got it - and some guys don't.
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Howard T. Duck : We've got a saying on my planet. If God intended us to fly, he wouldn't have taken away our wings.
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Howard T. Duck : Bev, I am not a real sentimental guy.
Beverly : No. I bet you were born from a very hard-boiled egg, Duckie.
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[Howard and Phil have landed in a pond]
Howard T. Duck : Philsy, help! Philsy, help me!
Phil Blumburtt : Never heard of a duck that couldn't swim.
Howard T. Duck : Shut up and save me!
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[last lines]
Howard T. Duck : Not bad for a duck from outer space.
Beverly : You were great, Duckie!
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Howard T. Duck : Every duck has his limit, and you scum have pushed me over the line!
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Beverly : You got some place to go?
Howard T. Duck : Hey, if I had some place to go I certainly wouldn't be in 'Cleve-Land'.
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Phil Blumburtt : DUCK!
Howard T. Duck : And proud of it!
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[Jenning has almost crashed into a diner]
Howard T. Duck : You think that's funny, Jenning?
Dr. Jenning : I'm not Jenning anymore! The transformation is complete. I am now... someone else.
Howard T. Duck : Try telling that to your insurance company.
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Beverly : I'm sorry I'm so nervous. It's just that I've never been around a... Um, I mean, I've never even had any pets or anything, you know. They seem like such a hassle - you know, feeding 'em, cleaning up their little poo-poos, and...
Howard T. Duck : I'll try to be careful.
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[Howard is being strip-searched]
Howard T. Duck : On my planet, we never say die, we say... NOT MY SHORTS! You perverts!
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Dr. Jenning : In the lab that night, we saw a single feather fall. We weren't aware that the rest of you, Howard, had landed in that alley just two miles away. Any questions?
Howard T. Duck : Yeah. Where are my pants?
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Howard T. Duck : No duck is an island. And if fate sent me here to save Earth, then Howard the Duck is ready to fight!
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Beverly : Hiya, Duckie.
Howard T. Duck : Hi, Tootse.
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[Phil Blumburtt hangs into the sea from the bottom of a flying machine as Howard's driving]
Howard T. Duck : This is no time for watersports!
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Howard T. Duck : What is this place?
Beverly : Uh... Cleveland?
Howard T. Duck : Cleve-Land? U-huh. That's a perfect weird name for this planet.
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Howard T. Duck : I can't believe this planet. Fried eggs - yuck!
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Howard T. Duck : Goodbye, Duckworld.
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Hostess : I'm sorry, we don't allow pets on the premises.
Howard T. Duck : Hey! Have a heart! Seeing-eye duck.
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Howard T. Duck : It's not nice to fool with the dark overlords!
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Howard T. Duck : Desperate ducks commit desperate acts!
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Howard T. Duck : [to Bev] Of all the alleys in the world I could have fallen into that night, why did it have to be yours?
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Beverly : Make yourself at home.
Howard T. Duck : Make myself at home? I wish.
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Dr. Jenning : I told you, bird-brain, I am not Jenning anymore! I am now one of the Dark Overlords of the Universe.
Beverly : Hmm, Dark Overlord of the Universe?
Howard T. Duck : That must be quite a responsibility.
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[the mob is trying to slaughter Howard]
Howard T. Duck : Jenning! They're seasoning me!
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Dr. Jenning : The world is in great danger.
Howard T. Duck : Yeah, it certainly is when *you're* out on the highway.
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Dr. Jenning : You are about to make history a second time, my little friend.
Howard T. Duck : Thanks. But once was plenty.
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Beverly : I just can't seem to find the right man.
Howard T. Duck : Maybe it's not a man you should be looking for.
Beverly : Ah, you think I might find happiness in the animal kingdom, Duckie?
Howard T. Duck : Like they say, Doll, love's strange. We could always give it a try.
Beverly : Okay, let's go for it Mr. Macho.
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Beverly : [Picks up a handful of feathers] What's this in my bed?
Howard T. Duck : Ah, souvenirs?
Beverly : I'm gonna miss you a lot, Duckie.
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Waitress : [after the waitress brings the "Specials", Howard lets out a cry and is horrified] You ordered your specials, what's wrong?
Dr. Jenning : [Dr. Jenning posessed by a dark overlord] This will mean the extinction of all existing lifeforms.
Waitress : You haven't even tasted it yet
Howard T. Duck : What do you think, I'm into cannibalism or something?
Waitress : Hey, are we like all in the same discussion here?
Howard T. Duck : I'll give you a hint, doll: what's white, ovoid, and always reminds me of my birthday?
Waitress : I don't know.
Howard T. Duck : The eggs, get em outta here.
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Howard T. Duck : I'm a dead duck!
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Beverly : Listen, would you like something to eat or drink? Milk? I could put it in a bowl?
Howard T. Duck : Doll, I don't drink out of bowls. Do you gotta beer?
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Beverly : If that's the way you want it! Then, so long, Duckie!
Howard T. Duck : Don't shed any tears over me, Tootse!
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Howard T. Duck : Dammit! I can't sit here on my tail feathers, feeling sorry for myself. I've got to think about practical matters. Food. Shelter. A job!
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Beverly : You play pretty good.
Howard T. Duck : I had a group in high school: Howard and the Heartbreakers.
Beverly : Oh, heavy, Howard. Very heavy. Maybe you should be our manager. Wait a second. Maybe you're just the kind of bizarro influence we need!
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Howard T. Duck : On my planet, we never say die - we say kill!
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Howard T. Duck : I need this like I need another tail.
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Howard T. Duck : It's alright, Tootse.
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Howard T. Duck : [Holding Dr Jenning's hand, who is posessed as a dark overlord] Ahh, not so tight, what are you doing falling in love?
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Dr. Jenning : [Possessed by the dark overlord] I am not Jenning anymore.
Howard T. Duck : [after the aliens have been banished to their own dimension, Howard imitates Jenning, pretending to be possessed] I am not Howard anymore.
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Howard T. Duck : Aren't you going to see me off?
Beverly : Sure I am. I just hope they let you take a carry-on bag. Look, I'm gonna put in these polaroids that we took at the club.
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Phil Blumburtt : I've already got a theory.
Beverly : What theory?
Phil Blumburtt : Well, this is, of course, the evolutionary ladder showing how man progressed from monkey to me, for instance.
Howard T. Duck : You consider that progress? Jeez, you're all hairless apes? That's really disgusting.
Phil Blumburtt : Now, I want you both to imagine, somewhere in the universe, is Howard's world. Picture it, in your mind, a world almost exactly like ours except the progenitor of the dominant species was not a monkey - but, a duck!
Howard T. Duck : Sound theory. Every school duck knows this stuff!
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Phil Blumburtt : [With Beverly in tow, a depressed Howard exits the museum where Phil works] ... Beverly! Howard, wait! Come on, don't flutter off in a huff. Listen, I've got some important matters to clean up here...
Dr. Chapin : [from back in the museum] Blumburtt! Did you hear what I said?
Phil Blumburtt : ...I'll call you tonight.
Dr. Chapin : Blumburtt, I want you back in here! Now!
Phil Blumburtt : I'll figure out a way to help Howard, I swear. Just don't show him to anybody else...
Howard T. Duck : I understand, Phil; it's the thought that counts...
[notices a young couple on the street]
Howard T. Duck : ... They look hungry; get 'em a banana.
Phil Blumburtt : Hide him, Beverly! Take him to a movie or something!
Howard T. Duck : That sounds like an idea. What's playing?
Beverly : Look, Howard, I didn't know where else to go for help.
Howard T. Duck : Your hand still beats mine; I'm not sure where to go, period.
Dr. Chapin : BLUMBURTT! WHERE ARE YOU? INSIDE!
Phil Blumburtt : Coming, coming!
Beverly : Howard, are you sure you're okay?
Howard T. Duck : Of course; why shouldn't I be? I only got blasted jillions of miles through space, ended up on another planet, and was just given an IQ test by a janitor. Hasn't everybody had at least one day like that?
Beverly : Look, you may be trapped in a world you never made; but, to put it philosophically, who isn't? Heck, *I* didn't make this world either. If I had, my whole career wouldn't be falling apart.
Howard T. Duck : ...Touche, Bev. How's this for a deal: I fix your career, you fix my life. Sound fair?
[several children laughingly rush Howard, with their Teacher in tow]
Teacher : Look at this wonderful exhibit!
Howard T. Duck : EXHIBIT? Nice. For a minute, I thought you were gonna call me a freak or an outcast... like in *The Elephant Duck*! Now THERE was a downer.
Teacher : It's so lifelike and realistic.
Howard T. Duck : I cannot begin to tell you how right-at-home that makes me feel.