Tough Guys (1986)
Kirk Douglas: Archie Long
Photos
Quotes
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Archie Long : [from trailer]
[to the engineer]
Archie Long : Your train is being robbed.
Train Engineer : You're crazy. Nobody robs trains anymore.
Harry Doyle : [comes up behind engineer and puts gun to his neck] I'd say you've been misinformed.
-
Harry Doyle : [on the radio to Yablonski] We're running to Mexico!
Archie Long : Tell him to open the switches all the way, or we'll wreck the goddamn train.
Harry Doyle : [on the radio] Open the switches all the way, or we'll wreck the goddamn train.
Leon B. Little : Let's wreck the goddamn train anyway!
-
Derek : Our colors are cherry, peach, lime, olive, and avocado.
Archie Long : I don't want to eat the suit, I just want to wear it.
-
Archie Long : Well, Derek... Am I hot?
Derek : You're practically on fire.
-
[last lines]
[Harry and Archie have crashed a train into Mexico. The federales show up]
Federale Captain : Buenos dias señores. Put up your hands. I'm afraid you're under arrest.
[the federales aim their guns at Harry and Archie]
Harry Doyle : Eh, now wait a minute, wait a minute. This ain't fair!
Federale Captain : No?
Archie Long : Señor, there's twelve of you and... just two of us.
Federale Captain : Si?
Harry Doyle : A-and you got guns, and we got nothin'.
Federale Captain : But this is how we put you under arrest señor!
Archie Long : Where we come from...
[points back to the US]
Archie Long : ...they've got rules about making arrests.
Federale Captain : Rules?
[Harry and Archie nods]
Archie Long : Si.
Federale Captain : What kind of rules?
[Harry and Archie glance amused at each other with a "here we go again" look]
Archie Long : Well... for one thing...
[Archie kicks the captain in the crotch]
-
Harry Doyle : What the hell are you doing here? I thought you was workin'.
Archie Long : I quit.
Harry Doyle : You quit?
Archie Long : Couldn't take it anymore. People treating me like dirt ever since I got out of jail. Sweeping out toilets, scraping crud off dishes, my girlfriend tryin' to kill me with sex - and I'm dressing like Bozo the Clown, just to fit in! I don't want to fit in anymore.
Harry Doyle : That makes two of us.
-
[Archie has just landed a job at Penguin's]
Archie Long : What'll it be, sport?
Yogurt boy : Let me have strawberry yogurt. No, chocolate. No... Strawberry!
Archie Long : Look, kid... Just take your time, okay? Let me know when you've made up your mind.
Yogurt boy : I've already made up my mind.
Archie Long : So do you want chocolate or strawberry?
Yogurt boy : Neither. I want amarillo.
[Archie starts to get it for him]
Yogurt boy : Hey, that's GELLOTTI! I asked for YOGURT!
Archie Long : [peering at it] I don't see any difference.
Yogurt boy : GELLOTTI is made out of CREAM! YOGURT is made out of BACTERIA CULTURE! Where were you raised, in a cave?
Archie Long : All right, all right...
[gets the yogurt for him]
Archie Long : ... What, did I leave something out?
Yogurt boy : What about my toppings? You're supposed to ask me what kind of toppings I want.
Archie Long : Okay... What kind of toppings do you want?
Yogurt boy : Do you have peanut butter M&M's?
[Archie starts to put those on the yogurt]
Yogurt boy : Hey, what are you doing? I didn't say I WANTED m&m's! I just asked if you HAD them!
Archie Long : Yeah, we got 'em.
Yogurt boy : Well, I don't want 'em! Do you have Oreo pieces?
Archie Long : [holding those up] You want 'em?
Yogurt boy : That's why I asked. And walnuts... NOT peanuts, WALNUTS. And jellybeans... NOT m&m's; I HATE m&m's... JELLYBEANS. And almond slices instead of walnuts.
[the sweating Archie brings him the completed yogurt]
Yogurt boy : Forget it; I'll just have it plain.
Archie Long : [forcing himself not to faint, Archie scrapes everything off the yogurt] You sure you still want it?
Yogurt boy : Of course I do! What do you think I came in here for?
[Archie throws the yogurt in the boy's face]
Archie Long : [smiling] You got it, kid. That'll be a $1.60, please.
-
Archie Long : I never thought the great Harry Doyle would turn into a gutless wimp!
Harry Doyle : Keep it up Arch, I'll put another hole in that chin a yours!
-
Man in gay bar : Shall we?
Archie Long : Shall we what?
Man in gay bar : Shall we dance?
[Archie looks around and sees males dancing with each other, and suddenly realizes he's in a gay bar; he quickly leaves while the man makes an "oh well" shrug. Archie exits the place and runs into Harry on the street]
Archie Long : [to Harry] You don't want to go in there!
-
Harry Doyle : Well, what do you want to do now, Archie? Steal another empty armored truck? Maybe start a collection?
Archie Long : No, we've got to do something big. Something they woun't laugh at.
Harry Doyle : Like what?
Archie Long : We could take down the flier!
Harry Doyle : The Gold Coast Flier? That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard!
Archie Long : That's what you said about the armored truck.
Harry Doyle : No, I said the armored truck was dumb. This is stupid.
-
Archie Long : [to Schultz] Screw you!
Archie Long : [to Schultz's parrot after it repeats "screw you"] Screw you, too!
-
Leon B. Little : Ah, lovers' quarrel! It breaks my heart. Turn around, worm food! Start walking! And don't try anything stupid or you'll die right here! And don't let the goggles fool ya, buster! I'm a sharpshooter!
[They enter an alleyway]
Leon B. Little : All right, turn here! Turn! What the hell is this, a parade?
Harry Doyle : Where are we going, friend?
Leon B. Little : We're going up this alley, 'friend'.
Archie Long : And then what?
Leon B. Little : And then I'm coming out... alone.
[Harry and Archie move a construction barrier and Leon falls screaming down a manhole]
Leon B. Little : Come back, you bastards! Let's finish it once and for all! You'll rot! It stinks down here!
Harry Doyle : Finish it? Finish what?
Archie Long : You sure you don't know that guy?
Harry Doyle : No.
Leon B. Little : Damn it, I'm up to my knees in guck!
Harry Doyle : Could we be losing our memories?
Archie Long : I dunno. Could be, Harry.
Leon B. Little : I'm gonna get pneumonia!
-
Archie Long : Who the hell are you, anyway?
Leon B. Little : I'm Peter Pan. I've come to take you to Never-Never Land, okay? But you won't be comin' back!
Harry Doyle : You mind telling us why you want to kill us?
Leon B. Little : I'm Leon B. Little.
Archie Long , Harry Doyle : So?
Leon B. Little : Leon B. Little! Don't the name mean nothin' to ya?
Archie Long , Harry Doyle : No.
Leon B. Little : Do you at least know Vinnie Mendelman?
Archie Long , Harry Doyle : Yeah.
Leon B. Little : [to a reporter] Thank God they know somebody!
-
[first lines]
Archie Long : I'm tellin' ya, Harry...
Harry Doyle : I know, I know. We could have got away with it.
Archie Long : Did I say that before?
Harry Doyle : Every day for thirty years.
-
Harry Doyle : And I ain't goin' to your funeral!
Archie Long : You ain't invited!
-
[repeated line]
Archie Long : Anything you say, Harry.
-
Harry Doyle : There ain't nothing to steal on the Gold Coast Flier.
Archie Long : So? We'll steal the whole Goddamn train and ride it to Mexico.
Harry Doyle : What for?
Archie Long : To prove we can do it! It's the only thing that we'll have done to have worked out.
Harry Doyle : You can't do this!
Archie Long : Harry, I'm sick and tired of you telling me what I can do and what I can't do.
Harry Doyle : Archie, the Gold Coast Flier is no armored truck. It's a 70-ton train speeding at 100 miles per hour.
Archie Long : That didn't stop us the last time.
Harry Doyle : The last time we were 30 years younger and we got caught. We were put away for 30 years!
Archie Long : Now we're 30 years smarter. We woun't make the same mistakes.
Harry Doyle : That's right. Because we ain't gonna do it.
-
Bank Robber #1 : [as Harry wrests his gun from him] I'll kill you, man! I was only kiddin', Grampa! Let me go!
Harry Doyle : Grampa, huh?
Archie Long : What are you gonna do with him, Harry?
Harry Doyle : I'm gonna blow his head off.
Archie Long : No, you don't want to do that.
Harry Doyle : He was disrespectful to me!
Archie Long : But you just got your suit cleaned. You'll get brains all over it.
Harry Doyle : This punk don't have any brains.
Archie Long : Yeah. But there'll be blood. All red and sticky, *bleah*. It'll be messy.
Harry Doyle : Get a mop!
Archie Long : Okay...
[Harry cocks the gun and the robber faints]
Archie Long : These guys are in the wrong business.
Harry Doyle : They don't make crooks like they used to.
-
Harry Doyle : You know, Arch, I never met so many stupid people in one day.
Archie Long : Ugly too.
-
Archie Long : [Asking Derek for advice on clothes for a date] She said "look hot". How about something in blue?
Derek : Blue is cold, sir. Red, is hot.
Archie Long : Okay, something in red.
Derek : We don't carry red, sir. Our colors are: peach, lime, cherry, mocha, almond, and avocado.
Archie Long : Hey, I don't wanna eat the suit, I just wanna wear it.
Derek : [Deadpan] Ha-ha-ha. One moment, sir.
-
[at the open prison gate]
Archie Long : After you.
Harry Doyle : No, after you.
Archie Long : No, no. Age before beauty.
Harry Doyle : [laughing] Pearls before swine!
Archie Long : Anything you say, Harry... long as we get the hell out of here.
Prison Guard : [tauntingly] See you guys in one week!
[Archie flips him the bird behind his back]
