Tough Guys (1986)

Burt Lancaster: Harry Doyle

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Quotes 

• [Harry Doyle has been summoned by his parole officer] 

  Richie Evans : I got a call from the rest home today. She said that you were being a disruptive influence during lunch. That you refused to eat your spinach soufflé, and that you caused a riot. And that last night you made love to a woman.

  Harry Doyle : Do you make love to women, Richie?

  Richie Evans : Well, yes. Of course I do.

  Harry Doyle : Then how come when you do it, you're a stud and when I do it I'm a disruptive influence to society.

  Richie Evans : Because I'm only 28 and you're 72.

• Archie Long : [from trailer] 

  [to the engineer] 

  Archie Long : Your train is being robbed.

  Train Engineer : You're crazy. Nobody robs trains anymore.

  Harry Doyle : [comes up behind engineer and puts gun to his neck]  I'd say you've been misinformed.

• Leon B. Little : I wanna get a hundred of those coppers.

  Harry Doyle : There's only fifty Leon.

  Leon B. Little : So? I'll shoot 'em all twice!

• Harry Doyle : [on the radio to Yablonski]  We're running to Mexico!

  Archie Long : Tell him to open the switches all the way, or we'll wreck the goddamn train.

  Harry Doyle : [on the radio]  Open the switches all the way, or we'll wreck the goddamn train.

  Leon B. Little : Let's wreck the goddamn train anyway!

• [last lines] 

  [Harry and Archie have crashed a train into Mexico. The federales show up] 

  Federale Captain : Buenos dias señores. Put up your hands. I'm afraid you're under arrest.

  [the federales aim their guns at Harry and Archie] 

  Harry Doyle : Eh, now wait a minute, wait a minute. This ain't fair!

  Federale Captain : No?

  Archie Long : Señor, there's twelve of you and... just two of us.

  Federale Captain : Si?

  Harry Doyle : A-and you got guns, and we got nothin'.

  Federale Captain : But this is how we put you under arrest señor!

  Archie Long : Where we come from...

  [points back to the US] 

  Archie Long : ...they've got rules about making arrests.

  Federale Captain : Rules?

  [Harry and Archie nods] 

  Archie Long : Si.

  Federale Captain : What kind of rules?

  [Harry and Archie glance amused at each other with a "here we go again" look] 

  Archie Long : Well... for one thing...

  [Archie kicks the captain in the crotch] 

• Harry Doyle : What the hell are you doing here? I thought you was workin'.

  Archie Long : I quit.

  Harry Doyle : You quit?

  Archie Long : Couldn't take it anymore. People treating me like dirt ever since I got out of jail. Sweeping out toilets, scraping crud off dishes, my girlfriend tryin' to kill me with sex - and I'm dressing like Bozo the Clown, just to fit in! I don't want to fit in anymore.

  Harry Doyle : That makes two of us.

• Archie Long : I never thought the great Harry Doyle would turn into a gutless wimp!

  Harry Doyle : Keep it up Arch, I'll put another hole in that chin a yours!

• Harry Doyle : Well, what do you want to do now, Archie? Steal another empty armored truck? Maybe start a collection?

  Archie Long : No, we've got to do something big. Something they woun't laugh at.

  Harry Doyle : Like what?

  Archie Long : We could take down the flier!

  Harry Doyle : The Gold Coast Flier? That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard!

  Archie Long : That's what you said about the armored truck.

  Harry Doyle : No, I said the armored truck was dumb. This is stupid.

• Harry Doyle : We ain't gonna rob no train!

• Leon B. Little : Ah, lovers' quarrel! It breaks my heart. Turn around, worm food! Start walking! And don't try anything stupid or you'll die right here! And don't let the goggles fool ya, buster! I'm a sharpshooter!

  [They enter an alleyway] 

  Leon B. Little : All right, turn here! Turn! What the hell is this, a parade?

  Harry Doyle : Where are we going, friend?

  Leon B. Little : We're going up this alley, 'friend'.

  Archie Long : And then what?

  Leon B. Little : And then I'm coming out... alone.

  [Harry and Archie move a construction barrier and Leon falls screaming down a manhole] 

  Leon B. Little : Come back, you bastards! Let's finish it once and for all! You'll rot! It stinks down here!

  Harry Doyle : Finish it? Finish what?

  Archie Long : You sure you don't know that guy?

  Harry Doyle : No.

  Leon B. Little : Damn it, I'm up to my knees in guck!

  Harry Doyle : Could we be losing our memories?

  Archie Long : I dunno. Could be, Harry.

  Leon B. Little : I'm gonna get pneumonia!

• Archie Long : Who the hell are you, anyway?

  Leon B. Little : I'm Peter Pan. I've come to take you to Never-Never Land, okay? But you won't be comin' back!

  Harry Doyle : You mind telling us why you want to kill us?

  Leon B. Little : I'm Leon B. Little.

  Archie Long , Harry Doyle : So?

  Leon B. Little : Leon B. Little! Don't the name mean nothin' to ya?

  Archie Long , Harry Doyle : No.

  Leon B. Little : Do you at least know Vinnie Mendelman?

  Archie Long , Harry Doyle : Yeah.

  Leon B. Little : [to a reporter]  Thank God they know somebody!

• [first lines] 

  Archie Long : I'm tellin' ya, Harry...

  Harry Doyle : I know, I know. We could have got away with it.

  Archie Long : Did I say that before?

  Harry Doyle : Every day for thirty years.

• Harry Doyle : And I ain't goin' to your funeral!

  Archie Long : You ain't invited!

• Harry Doyle : I never met so many stupid people in one day.

• Harry Doyle : There ain't nothing to steal on the Gold Coast Flier.

  Archie Long : So? We'll steal the whole Goddamn train and ride it to Mexico.

  Harry Doyle : What for?

  Archie Long : To prove we can do it! It's the only thing that we'll have done to have worked out.

  Harry Doyle : You can't do this!

  Archie Long : Harry, I'm sick and tired of you telling me what I can do and what I can't do.

  Harry Doyle : Archie, the Gold Coast Flier is no armored truck. It's a 70-ton train speeding at 100 miles per hour.

  Archie Long : That didn't stop us the last time.

  Harry Doyle : The last time we were 30 years younger and we got caught. We were put away for 30 years!

  Archie Long : Now we're 30 years smarter. We woun't make the same mistakes.

  Harry Doyle : That's right. Because we ain't gonna do it.

• Bank Robber #1 : [as Harry wrests his gun from him]  I'll kill you, man! I was only kiddin', Grampa! Let me go!

  Harry Doyle : Grampa, huh?

  Archie Long : What are you gonna do with him, Harry?

  Harry Doyle : I'm gonna blow his head off.

  Archie Long : No, you don't want to do that.

  Harry Doyle : He was disrespectful to me!

  Archie Long : But you just got your suit cleaned. You'll get brains all over it.

  Harry Doyle : This punk don't have any brains.

  Archie Long : Yeah. But there'll be blood. All red and sticky, *bleah*. It'll be messy.

  Harry Doyle : Get a mop!

  Archie Long : Okay...

  [Harry cocks the gun and the robber faints] 

  Archie Long : These guys are in the wrong business.

  Harry Doyle : They don't make crooks like they used to.

• Harry Doyle : You know, Arch, I never met so many stupid people in one day.

  Archie Long : Ugly too.

• [at the open prison gate] 

  Archie Long : After you.

  Harry Doyle : No, after you.

  Archie Long : No, no. Age before beauty.

  Harry Doyle : [laughing]  Pearls before swine!

  Archie Long : Anything you say, Harry... long as we get the hell out of here.

  Prison Guard : [tauntingly]  See you guys in one week!

  [Archie flips him the bird behind his back]