Tough Guys (1986)

Scott Nemes: Yogurt Boy

Quotes 

• [Archie has just landed a job at Penguin's] 

  Archie Long : What'll it be, sport?

  Yogurt boy : Let me have strawberry yogurt. No, chocolate. No... Strawberry!

  Archie Long : Look, kid... Just take your time, okay? Let me know when you've made up your mind.

  Yogurt boy : I've already made up my mind.

  Archie Long : So do you want chocolate or strawberry?

  Yogurt boy : Neither. I want amarillo.

  [Archie starts to get it for him] 

  Yogurt boy : Hey, that's GELLOTTI! I asked for YOGURT!

  Archie Long : [peering at it]  I don't see any difference.

  Yogurt boy : GELLOTTI is made out of CREAM! YOGURT is made out of BACTERIA CULTURE! Where were you raised, in a cave?

  Archie Long : All right, all right...

  [gets the yogurt for him] 

  Archie Long : ... What, did I leave something out?

  Yogurt boy : What about my toppings? You're supposed to ask me what kind of toppings I want.

  Archie Long : Okay... What kind of toppings do you want?

  Yogurt boy : Do you have peanut butter M&M's?

  [Archie starts to put those on the yogurt] 

  Yogurt boy : Hey, what are you doing? I didn't say I WANTED m&m's! I just asked if you HAD them!

  Archie Long : Yeah, we got 'em.

  Yogurt boy : Well, I don't want 'em! Do you have Oreo pieces?

  Archie Long : [holding those up]  You want 'em?

  Yogurt boy : That's why I asked. And walnuts... NOT peanuts, WALNUTS. And jellybeans... NOT m&m's; I HATE m&m's... JELLYBEANS. And almond slices instead of walnuts.

  [the sweating Archie brings him the completed yogurt] 

  Yogurt boy : Forget it; I'll just have it plain.

  Archie Long : [forcing himself not to faint, Archie scrapes everything off the yogurt]  You sure you still want it?

  Yogurt boy : Of course I do! What do you think I came in here for?

  [Archie throws the yogurt in the boy's face] 

  Archie Long : [smiling]  You got it, kid. That'll be a $1.60, please.