Burglar (1987)

Bobcat Goldthwait: Carl Hefler

Photos 

Quotes 

• Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno : What'll it be?

  Carl Hefler : [walking up to the bar]  Package delivery.

  Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno : For who?

  Carl Hefler : It just says "Mayday".

  Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno : Here I'll take it.

  Carl Hefler : Ya gotta sign for it.

  [passing a clipboard] 

  Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno : [signs and returns clipboard] 

  Carl Hefler : [reading signature]  Kay-no-bee... K-noby! Is that like in Star Wars?

  Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno : No idiot, it's "Knobby".

  Carl Hefler : Oh! it's... so it's like a nickname.

  Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno : Yes, I think maybe it's something like that.

  [knocking on his bald head] 

  Carl Hefler : Well I'm gonna need your full name, please.

  Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno : Sorry...

  Carl Hefler : Come on, it's the regulations.

  Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno : Hey fuck you, okay?

  Carl Hefler : Fuck you? Thank you very much! I come here to give you a fuckin' package and you decide to blow me shit?

  [getting more irate] 

  Carl Hefler : Like-like-like-like-like-like-like you're my idea of a dream come true - takin' shit from a dildo with ears?

  [shouting] 

  Carl Hefler : You know when I was like five I said, "Dad, Dad! Can I get a job where random fuckin' shitheads blow me crap all day?" I'm gonna break you in fuckin' half and use your head as a ballpoint!

  [grabs Knobby by the shirt] 

  Carl Hefler : Now sign the goddamn thing!

• Carl Hefler : Cause I'm a black man in a white man's world...

  Det. Nyswander : Uhh, Mr. Hefler, you're caucasian...

  Carl Hefler : Beautiful! Hold THAT against me too!

• Carl Hefler : Did you know that policemen have the highest rate of suicide?