Ernest Goes to Camp (1987)

Jim Varney: Ernest P. Worrell

Photos 

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Quotes 

• [Ernest is getting his shots and is in pain] 

  Ernest P. Worrell : I did it! I took the Lindbergh baby! I am Josef Mengele! Aaahhh!

• [Krader has come to kill Ernest with his rifle. He points his rifle at Ernest and has him dead in the crosshairs] 

  Nurse St. Cloud : [v.o]  If he had faith in The Great One, the knife would not cut him.

  [Krader fires and inexplicably misses, much his his own and Ernest's surprise. He moves closer and aims again] 

  Nurse St. Cloud : [v.o]  If he had courage; *true* courage, the rock would not break him.

  [Krader fires again and misses. He moves closer and targets Ernest again] 

  Nurse St. Cloud : [v.o]  If the brave was pure of heart, the arrow could not catch him.

  [Krader fires and misses. He moves to point-blank range and takes aim. Ernest plugs the rifle barrel with his finger and smirks] 

  Ernest P. Worrell : [smugly]  Paper, rock, scissors.

• Nurse St. Cloud : And that was the ritual of the Blade, the Stone, and the Arrow.

  Ernest P. Worrell : Like in our culture: Paper, Rock, Scissors.

• Ernest P. Worrell : My motto is, "I never met a bad kid."

  State Supervisor : Then let me introduce you to some. These misfits were selected by their ward leaders as most in need of help.

  [they step over to the boys] 

  State Supervisor : This here's the ringleader, Bobby Wayne. He's been in and out of institutions like this since he was eleven.

  Bobby Wayne : Since I was nine.

  State Supervisor : And this here's Crutchfield. Twelve years old and already a master thief.

  Crutchfield : [Hands back Ernest's wallet]  It's like a... gift or something.

  Ernest P. Worrell : Well, thanks

  [takes the wallet] 

  State Supervisor : And here's Danny Simpson. He comes from a long line of troublemakers.

  Danny : It's a family tradition. I've got a reputation to uphold.

  State Supervisor : And the Albert Eeeeiiinstein of this institution, Chip Ooooozgood.

  Chip Ozgood : [Says nothing] 

  State Supervisor : [Shakes her head]  Butch Too Cool Vargas.

  Butch 'Bubba' Vargas : [Says nothing, looks at her contemptuously] 

• Ernest P. Worrell : You see these hands? Huh? Huh? You see them? If I put them in my pockets I will be arrested for concealing lethal weapons.

• Butch 'Bubba' Vargas : Ernest, um... we've been thinking.

  Crutchfield : Yeah, we ain't got much of a chance but we got a plan.

  Bobby Wayne : If we stop those miners then there will be a Camp Kikakee.

  Ernest P. Worrell : Boys, we can't stop those miners, look what they did to me and that was just one of them.

  Chip Ozgood : Come on Ernest, that don't sound like no path of the brave to me.

  Moustafa 'Moose' Hakeem Jones : I don't want to go back to no institution, I want to stay right here with you.

  Bobby Wayne : Yeah we all do, Ernest.

  Chip Ozgood : Come on, Ernest, we can get them.

  Bobby Wayne : Hey, it's the path of the brave.

  Crutchfield : Let's go for it, we can do it, Ernest.

• Eddie (Chef #2) : Jake's specialty du jour - eggs erroneous. It's made with powdered eggs and herbs and spices smuggled into this country by Tibetan monks.

  Jake : Ernest, l want you to cut yourself a big knock out of these eggs erroneous.

  Ernest P. Worrell : No, l-l can't eat on an empty stomach .

  Jake : Why, of course you can. Eddie does, and look at that rosy glow to his teeth.

• Ernest P. Worrell : they aint going to get this camp.

• Ernest P. Worrell : some day things will be diffrent around here if only they would give a fella a chance.

• Ernest P. Worrell : gee im glad its raining no sees your tear drops when it pours.

• Ernest P. Worrell : gee im glad its raining no one hears your tear drops when it pours.

• Ernest P. Worrell : no one knows the thunder is youre heart break in disquise

• Ernest P. Worrell : gee im glad its raining beacuse theres always something to be thankful for. and no one knows the thunder is youre heartbreak in didquise.

• Mr. Tipton : Okay, one more chance, but your boys better get with the program. Know what I mean?

  Ernest P. Worrell : Oh I know what you mean, sir, thank you.

• Ernest P. Worrell : One monkey don't stop no show.

• Ernest P. Worrell : All aboard that's going ashore!

• Mr. Tipton : Have you ever held a leadership position?

  Ernest P. Worrell : I had a ant farm once.

• Ernest P. Worrell : Somethin' burnin'? Ayyy-EWW!

• Ernest P. Worrell : And then, he thought he heard it, and that's when Vernon turned around and looked in his rear window... and there, staring back at him was the hook man!

  [laughs sinsterly] 

  Ernest P. Worrell : So, he stomps on the gas, and he tore out of there, and the next day, Vernon went to get in his car, and there, hanging on the rear view mirror, was the hook!

  Crutchfield : I thought it was supposed to be on the door handle.

  Ernest P. Worrell : Well yeah it was, but then Vernon hung it on the rear view mirror like dice and baby shoes.