Hollywood Shuffle (1987)

Robert Townsend: Bobby Taylor, Jasper, Speed, Sam Ace

Photos 

Quotes 

• Speed : Welcome to Sneakin' In The Movies. My name is Speed and this is my homeboy Tyrone. And we are like movie critics and shit

  Tyrone : Well not really. Peep this. Each week me and my boy, you know, we go to different theaters and stuff and sneak in and check out the movie.

  Speed : Then we come back and tell you all what's up. Like if you should pay money and shit.

• Speed : I believe this movie. A dude could jump off a mountain and not hurt himself, 'cause he did brace himself, and knew something about the levels of gravitivity and polarity.

• Mr. Jones : This is not your average hot dog stand. You know what this is? This is: Winky Dinky Dog!

  Bobby Taylor : I know, I know. And I'm glad to be working here at Winky Dinky Dog.

  Mr. Jones : Yeah! It sends chills down my spin. Every time I say it. Winky Dinky Dog. Bobby, say it with me. Come on.

  Bobby Taylor : Winky Dinky Dog! Winky - Dinky - Dog!

  Mr. Jones : Yeah. Woo! Em-mm-mm-mm-mm. Yeah, I like that.

• Speed : Dirty Larry - the movie where the crooks wait for Larry to go in his jacket, pull out a big ass gun. What'd they think he was lookin' for? His American Express card? Damn! We both gave "Dirty Larry" the finger!

• Bobby Taylor : There's always work at the post office.

• Bobby Taylor : I ain't 'fraid of Tiny. Tiny ain't kickin' my ass. I wish he would bring his big fat ass...

  [Tiny walks up behind Bobby] 

  Bobby Taylor : Hey, Tiny. I'll make it up to you. Cause I'm gonna be a star one day, man.

  Tiny : Nah, nah. You're gonna be - seein' stars, man.

• Bobby Taylor : What if I don't make it?

  Uncle Ray : What if you *do* make it. And what if you *are* that good. Bobby, you'll never know until you try. You got to give it your all, Bobby. You got to give it everything you've got. I know. Cause it happened to me. I stopped believin' in me. I started listenin' to all those other people tell me what I couldn't do. I kept listenin' - and listenin'. Until one day, I started believin' it and I quit. Lost my chops. Man, when I was singin' - I was the happiest man alive. On stage, doin' it!

• Bobby Taylor : Mr. Batty, how do you tell a good script?

  Batty Boy : Does your character - *die* in the script?

  Bobby Taylor : No.

  Batty Boy : Then, it's a good script.

  Bobby Taylor : But what about art?

  Batty Boy : It's not about art.. It's about sequel! One film... one! ! You can make an entire career. Just look at me! Batty, batty, batty!

• Jesse Wilson : This is bull shit.

  Bobby Taylor : What are you talking about?

  Jesse Wilson : This is some more of the white man's stereotype of a black man, yeah, brother.

  Bobby Taylor : Really?

  Jesse Wilson : Yeah, brother. Only an Uncle Tom would do this shit. They just lookin' for somebody to sell out.

  Bobby Taylor : Sell out?

  Jesse Wilson : The only role they gonna let us do is a slave, a butler, or some street hood or something. Don't sell out, brother. Don't be a butler or a slave.

  Receptionist : Jesse Wilson? Jesse Wilson, you're next.

  Jesse Wilson : That's me! Good luck, brotha.

• Bobby Taylor : I read in a magazine that you still take acting classes. And that you don't drink or do drugs.

  Body Guard #2 : [Mr. Batty starts breathing heavy and shaking]  Relax, Mr. Batty. Relax.

  Body Guard #1 : Don't say drugs around the man. And don't say coke or free base, neither - unless you got some.

• Sam Ace : I knew exactly what she could do. And she did too. As she walked towards me, I saw that twinkle in her eyes. I knew it was time - to do the nasty. And I like - doin' the nasty. She was a good kisser; but, her breath was stinky. But, so what? You don't get rid of a Rolls Royce because it has a dent in it. I had never done it before on my desk. I was just glad to be on top. I'd hate to. do the nasty with a stapler up my ass.

• Sam Ace : I started with the people closest to Cookie first - his mother. She said he was a good boy. She just hoped he had on clean underwear when they found him. I didn't know how to tell her: he didn't.

• Casting Director : I have another very good idea. Could you tell him to be a little more - you know.

  Director : Yeah, Bobby - Bobby, I need a little more black. You know what I'm saying? Like, stick your ass out, bug the eyes, you know how to move, you know.

  Bobby Taylor : Yeah, jive - jive ass. Jive ass. Jive ass.

• [first lines] 

  Bobby Taylor : Tommy. Tommy! You-you killed it, my brotha. He was my only brotha. I loved it, this dude, baby. Say, you gonna pay jive sucka. You done messed with the wrong dude, baby. I'm gonna be on your ass like a pair of Fruit-of-a-Loom. I'm gonna bounce you harder than a cancelled check. As soon as you get your foot off my face, I'm gonna hurt you, man. I'm gonna hurt *you*. This be my turf, baby. I owns the east side. Listen. Listen.

• Bobby Taylor , Tiny , Donald : Welcome to Winky Dinky Dog, Mr. Batty. May we take your order, please?

• Jasper : ["Black Acting School" fantasy sequence]  I don't know why we's leave the massa's house? He been good to us.

• Bobby Taylor : ["Black Acting School" fantasy sequence]  You too can learn to walk black!

• Bobby Taylor : ["Black Acting School" fantasy sequence]  Hi. My name is Robert Taylor - and I'm a black actor. I had to learn to play these slave part - and now you can too, in Hollywood's first "Black Acting School". It teaches you everything! Learn Jive Talking 101...

• Bobby Taylor : ["Black Acting School" fantasy sequence]  Let's talk to a graduate. This is Ricky Taylor. Ricky graduated from my class three years ago. Ricky, can you tell us what you've been doing since you graduated.

  Ricky Taylor : Well, Robert, I've played nine crooks, four gang leaders, two dope dealers, and I played a rapist twice. That was fun. Currently, I'm filming a prison movie. I play this tough con and I have to fuck this new inmate.

  Bobby Taylor : That sounds wonderful! I'm so happy for you. Need I say any more? It's Hollywood's first Black Acting School. It teaches you everything.

• Speed : Oh, man, you don't know shit about science because you dropped out of high school.

  Tyrone : Hey, man, why you gotta bring that up, man?

  Speed : Because its the truth.

  Tyrone : Yeah, I know its the truth but that ain't - hey, fuck you!

  Speed : Aw, but what chu gonna do about it?

  Tyrone : Hey, man, I'm gonna bust your ass.

• Tyrone : He's supposed to take the money.

  Speed : Right.

  Tyrone : Take the ho. Take the ho! You know that.

  Speed : Right.

  Tyrone : And take the car and get the fuck outta there.

  Speed : I can't believe it. Because, he would have been dead a long time ago. Talkin' that shit, "Make my day."

  Tyrone : Right, right! 'Cause as soon as he said, "Make my day," boom. Do 50 bullets in your ass make your day?

• Casting Director : There he is. He's the one we want!

  Bobby Taylor : I just want to be me. I don't want to be Eddie Murphy. I just want to be me. I just want - I he-he-he!

  Writer : Yes!

  Bobby Taylor : Get da fuck outta here.

  Director : That's what we're looking for.

• Tyrone : I love this movie. It was genius.

  Speed : The direction, the acting, the story line. That shit was bad!

  Tyrone : The muthafucker scared the shit outta me, man. That shit could really happen.

  Speed : I believe this movie. Like, you get all those pimps together, walkin' around and shit, with big hats on.

  Tyrone : Right, right. That was live. The director captured the essence of street life in a whore type situation. Pimps lookin' for hos. It was live.

  Speed : And that actress - who played the ho. She was excellent, marvelous, effervescent.

  Tyrone : Yeah, man, all and actin' all terrified and shit.

  Speed : This movie is like a nightmare.

  Tyrone : You know, that one dude, man, with the yellow suit on?

  Speed : Yeah!

  Tyrone : Man, he looked like this dude right around the corner from my house, man. That's what so horrifyin' about it.

• Sam Ace : My name is Sam Ace. I fight crime. It was Friday night, I sat in my office waitin' for the phone to ring.

  [phone rings] 

  Sam Ace : Could it be one of my dames? Nah, it was some fag. It's a long story. I was drunk at a Christmas party.

• Sam Ace : When she said anything, she meant it. She was talkin' about doin' the nasty - and I like doin' the nasty.

• Bobby Taylor : This is really a surprise - my fifth Oscar. I'm gonna tell you, I didn't think I was going to win tonight. And against the competition: Redford, Newman, Pacino, Dustin Hoffman, uh, sMeryl Streep. I didn't think I had a chance.

• Bobby Taylor : I just feel funny doin' this kind of character. I just wish it was somethin' different.

• Slave #1 : [Black Acting School fantasy sequence]  Jasper, I's don't wants to go. I's the house nigga, Jasper.

  Jasper : What?

  Slave #2 : Jasper, don'ts you wants freedom? We goin' to the promised land. The promised land.

  Jasper : Promised land? Cleveland?

  Slave #2 : No, Jasper.

  Jasper : Baltimore?

  Slave #2 : No, Jasper! The promised land.

  Jasper : Oh, the promised land. Minnesota?

• Bobby Taylor : [Black Acting School fantasy sequence]  Yes, yes, yes! You too can be a black street hood. But, this class is for dark-skinned blacks only. Light skin or yellow blacks don't make good crooks.

• Speed : I sat in my office waiting for the phone to ring. / Could it be one of my dames? / Nah, it was some fag.