Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)

Bobcat Goldthwait: Zed

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Zed : People just don't understand me.

  Laura : Maybe if you talk slower...

  Zed : No, I mean who I am. Man, now I gotta worry about my diction too?

• Zed : Gene, Gene made a machine, and Joe, Joe made it go. Art, Art blew a fart and blew the whole damn thing apart.

• Zed : [Referring to his watch]  Mickey! He's Dead! He killed him!

  Laura : I'm sure the academy will pay for it.

  Zed : No, you don't understand. It's like a sentimental thing. It was the last thing I stole before joining the academy.

• Zed : [singing along]  It's getting to the point now when I'm with you, I no longer want to have something stuck in my eye... Your mother, my mother ain't never looked like Florence Henderson...

• Laura : Oh, Zed. Do you think when this is all over we will still see each other?

  Zed : SHUT UP! Oh, no, not you. I m-m-m-meant the ducks!

• [Capt. Harris sees Zed and Laura goofing off in front of the academy pool] 

  Captain Harris : [on the bullhorn]  What the hell is this, cadets in heat?

  Zed : No, we were, like, just talking.

  Captain Harris : Oh, well, "just, like, talk" somewhere else. This is not a spawning pool. I want discipline. Do I make myself clear, Zed?

  [back on the bullhorn; screams] 

  Captain Harris : DISCIPLINE!

  Zed : Jerk!

  Captain Harris : [screams again]  WHAT?

  Laura : [defends Zed]  He said, "bye".

  [Harris, convinced that that's what Zed "thought" he said, proceeds away from them] 

  Zed : [to Laura]  No, I said-I said, "jerk". I think I was pretty clear. I said "jerk".

  Laura : [agrees]  Jerk. Mm-hmm.

• Zed : [teaching a class to the cadets]  Cadets, I'd like now to discuss with you something that will be vital for you to know when you're, like, out there on the job as a police officer, and that's the correct way on how to eat a doughnut. A doughnut...

  Proctor : [enters the classroom]  Attention!

  [the cadets stand up at attention] 

  Proctor : Captain Harris?

  [Capt. Harris enters wearing a medical device with his hands suspended in the air not long after Zed switched Harris' Right Guard deodorant spray with a can of Mace, which the latter burned Harris' armpits] 

  Captain Harris : [to the cadets]  From this moment on, anyone who misplaces their canister of Mace will reprimanded and fined. Is that clear?

  Cadets : [in unison]  YES, SIR!

  [Harris and Proctor leaves] 

  Zed : Bye.

• Zed : what i almost forgot i am the police im here to talk about the citizins on patrol progrem.