Three for the Road (1987)
Alan Ruck: T.S.
Photos
Quotes
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Paul : You know he could've killed me with that club! And the truck would have killed him! And the poor guy loses all his chickens!
Robin Kitteredge : It was an accident. I must have kicked something inside the truck.
Paul : No accidents just seem to follow you around, don't they? Well, I'll tell you what! One more episode out of you young lady, I'm gonna hurt you, and bag you, and throw your ass in the trunk, so don't push me alright!
Robin Kitteredge : [Mocking Paul] Alright.
T.S. : [laughs]
Paul : You think I'm kidding! You think this is funny? And that goes for you too, guy!
T.S. : What!
Paul : This isn't funny!
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Paul : [Paul and T.S. are walking in the woods after Robin has escaped] Do you realize it's gonna take a miracle to catch her now? She's got at least five hours on us!
T.S. : Hey, I ain't worried about her anymore! I'm worried about my feet, okay?
Paul : Oh God... I can't believe I'm blowing this! A major opportunity with the senator, the chance of a lifetime, and I'm blowing it, T.S.! I need a miracle...
[they happen upon a general store and a drunken Junior next to his Porsche]
Paul : ... I... I need a Porsche.
Junior : [throwing down beer can] Damn you, Missy Butler.
[he falls down passed out]
Paul : That can't be the same guy.
[beat]
Paul : Thank you, Lord.
[runs up to the car]
T.S. : What are you doing?
[starts after him]
T.S. : Hey Congressman, you're outta your mind!
[Paul takes keys from Junior's limp hand and they steal his Porsche]
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T.S. : [Paul and T.S. finally catch up with Missy and Robin at the post office... Paul goes after Missy with T.S. in pursuit, but Missy shoves him, then trips him] Whoa.
[she reaches for him but stops]
T.S. : Madam, I can see... you have vanquished me fairly on the field of honor, okay?
Missy : [smiles, impressed] Well, where I come from, the tradition of honor dictates the vanquished gentleman surrender his soul to the victim.
[beat]
Missy : You do carry a soul, don't you?
T.S. : [smiling back] Say what?
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Stu : [pulls the car over and aims a pistol at Paul] Sorry to do this to you buzzards, but business ain't what it used to be. You know why?
[smiling as Paul shakes his head no]
Stu : Because nobody's got a sense of humor no more, that's why!
[laughs]
Paul : [nervously] Is this some kind of joke here?
T.S. : Yeah, it's a squirt gun.
Stu : [Stu fires his pistol out of the open passenger side window, splitting a thin tree in two] I want your wallets, your watches and your rings! Toss them up there on the dash!
T.S. : This is my watch.
[he tosses it on the dash, Paul throws his valuables on the dash as well]
Stu : Hurry up!
Paul : I don't have a ring, mister.
Stu : All right. Now get outta the car!
[they exit the car]
Stu : Take off all your clothes! Let's go! Take 'em off!
[they strip to their underwear, Stu fires two rounds at their feet, laughing]
Stu : Now run!
[fires another round, they flee]
Stu : . See you in the funny papers, boys!
