My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988)

Kim Basinger: Celeste Martin

Photos 

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Quotes 

• [Celeste consults with the alien council] 

  Celeste Martin : The subject says he will be unable to think about science unless he marries me.

  Council Chief : Well, marry him.

  Celeste Martin : But we don't know what "marry" is.

  Council Chief : One moment.

  [the second council member takes a book. He and the council chief leaf through it until they find the page about marriage] 

  Council Chief : Ah, yes. The Monchine Forty says marriage is this: he goes off to fight the Turks, and you put on a lock.

  [Celeste is confused] 

  Second in Command : No, no, no.

  [they leaf more pages] 

  Council Chief : Oh, yes, yes. Wrong century. Eh... marriage is this: you cook and clean and bring him martinis.

  Second in Command : No, no!

  Council Chief : Wrong again? Ridiculous...

  [they leaf more pages] 

  Council Chief : Yes. Wrong decade. Too old-fashioned. Ah, here we are, yes. The modern marriage: there are no rules or responsibilities, but if he does something wrong, you can set him on fire while he sleeps and go on a talk show, where everyone will forgive you and love you. There is only one drawback: you will have to have more sex.

  Celeste Martin : [excitedly]  I'll do it!

• [after Steve asks if she wants to have sex] 

  Celeste Martin : Sure. I just have to figure out what that is.

• Steven Mills : I think... I think...

  Celeste Martin : What?

  Steven Mills : Would I scare you... if I told you I love you?

  Celeste Martin : Not unless you hit me at the same time.

  Steven Mills : I'm serious.

  Celeste Martin : So am I!

• [watching a video of two people having sex] 

  Celeste Martin : That is the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

  The Bag : That's why we gave it up 3,000 years ago.

• Celeste Martin : [after changing to new dress in Dr. Mills' car]  Is this acceptable?

  Steven Mills : Is the drool apparent?

• Steven Mills : Would you mind if I kissed you?

  Celeste Martin : Does it hurt?

  Steven Mills : Not the way I do it.

• [on Ron's braces] 

  Celeste Martin : Ooh, mouth jewelry!

• [after a long & strange make out, both somewhat out of breath] 

  Steven Mills : I've never felt anything like that before.

  Celeste Martin : Do I now have to eat the chocolate from Pennsylvania?

  Steven Mills : [laughs; looks slightly confused]  What?

• Celeste Martin : Oh yeah, I could do that.

• Celeste Martin : Don't stop!

• Celeste Martin : This Debbie's a very busy girl...