Red Heat (1988)

Jim Belushi: Art Ridzik

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ivan Danko : I have car under control.

  Art Ridzik : Yeah, I'm sure they taught you all about cars and the price of insurance at your famous Russian school in Kiev!

  Ivan Danko : In socialist countries, insurance not necessary. State pays for everything.

  Art Ridzik : Yeah? Well, tell me something, Captain. If you've got such a fucking paradise over there, how come you're up the same creek as we are with heroin and cocaine?

  Ivan Danko : Chinese find way. Right after revolution, they round up all drug dealers, all drug addicts, take them to public square, and shoot them in back of head.

  Art Ridzik : Ah, it'd never work here. Fucking politicians wouldn't go for it.

  Ivan Danko : Shoot them first.

• Hooligan : Hey, asshole! You can't park here, this is my spot! I live right up there. So move your piece-of-shit car or give me fifty bucks.

  Ivan Danko : I do not understand.

  Hooligan : Let me make it real simple, moron. You move your ass or give me fifty, or I take my Pete Rose here and fucking mutilate your car.

  Ivan Danko : Do you know Miranda?

  Hooligan : Never heard of the bitch.

  [Danko punches him unconscious] 

  Ivan Danko : [in Russian]  Hooligani.

  [Ridzik comes back] 

  Art Ridzik : Everything okay?

  Ivan Danko : Yes, fine. No problems.

  Art Ridzik : What about that sack of shit lying on the sidewalk?

  Ivan Danko : He lives here.

• Art Ridzik : Captain Danko, congratulations. You are now the proud owner of the most powerful handgun in the world.

  Ivan Danko : Soviet Podbyrin, nine-point-two milimeter, is world's most powerful handgun.

  Art Ridzik : Oh, come on, everybody knows the .44 Magnum is the big boy on the block. Why do you think Dirty Harry uses it?

  Ivan Danko : Who is Dirty Harry?

• Cat Manzetti : Fuck you.

  Art Ridzik : No, I think I have a headache and good taste.

• Art Ridzik : About this pile-of-shit pimp in here. In this country, we try to protect the rights of individuals. It's called the Miranda Act, and it says that you can't even touch his ass.

  Ivan Danko : I do not want to touch his ass. I want to make him talk!

• Ivan Danko : Tea, please.

  Art Ridzik : In a glass, with lemon, right?

  Ivan Danko : [surprised]  Yes.

  Art Ridzik : Yeah. I saw Dr. Zhivago.

• Ivan Danko : I do not understand this sport.

  Art Ridzik : You're not supposed to, it's completely American.

  Ivan Danko : We play baseball now in Soviet Union.

  Art Ridzik : Are you kidding me? This is our national pastime!

  [pause] 

  Art Ridzik : Ah, it'd be a hell of a world series though, wouldn't it?

  Ivan Danko : We will win.

• Art Ritzik : I'm gonna get us something from all four food groups: hamburgers, french fries, coffee and doughnuts.

• [to a waitress about to freshen his coffee] 

  Art Ridzik : Look, lady. I just got my coffee the perfect color. It's the only thing I've got going for me tonight.

• Art Ridzik : Oh, great. We got a pro basketball team coming toward us - with guns!

• Cat Manzetti : You leave your guns with those guys over there.

  Art Ridzik : No way. A Chicago cop never relinquishes his weapon.

  [the gang all point their guns at him] 

  Art Ridzik : Here you go.

• [Danko's watch alarm goes off] 

  Art Ridzik : What's that?

  Ivan Danko : My watch. It's on Moscow time.

  Art Ridzik : Time to pick up Pokey?

  Ivan Danko : Time to feed parakeet.

  Art Ridzik : What's that, Russian for "jerking off"?

• Ivan Danko : [in Russian]  What's this key for?

  Viktor Rostavili : [in Russian]  Kiss my ass.

  Ivan Danko : [to Ridzik, in English]  You know what this key open?

  Art Ridzik : Looks like a key to a locker to me. Why don't you ask your bud?

  Ivan Danko : [hauls Viktor around to face Ridzik]  You try.

  Art Ridzik : Where-is-the-lock-er-that-this-key-opens?

  Viktor Rostavili : [mutters something in Russian] 

  Art Ridzik : What did he say?

  Ivan Danko : He say, "Go and kiss your mother's behind."

  [Gallagher laughs. Ridzik stares at Viktor for a moment, then lunges at him] 

• Art Ridzik : You were talking to that jazzball so long I thought about having my head shaved.

  Ivan Danko : It could be a good idea.

• [Danko changes his militia uniform for a suit] 

  Art Ridzik : What, you retire your uniform?

  Ivan Danko : I now work undercover.

  Art Ridzik : Undercover? You look like Gumby.

• Art Ritzik : Yeah, and about the chess game, you were right, I was dead in two.

  Ivan Danko : [with scorn and moving away]  It was obvious.

• Art Ridzik : I'm gonna bust that bitch so hard she bounces.

• Art Ritzik : Freeze motherfucker!

• Art Ridzik : How you doing, honey?

  Woman at airport : Blow yourself.

  Art Ridzik : Thank you. Thank you very much. Good thinking.

• Art Ridzik : You know this game? It's called chicken, except you're not supposed to play it with buses.

• [Ridzik and Danko go to speak with Abdul Elijah in prison] 

  Art Ridzik : Hey, you, come here. This is Captain Danko. He's come all the way from Russia to speak with your scoutmaster.

  Prison Cleanhead : Well, that's nice, but who the fuck are you?

  Ivan Danko : These men have no respect of our authority as police officers.

  Art Ridzik : No shit.

• Art Ridzik : I give up. This whole thing's very Russian.

• [after receiving orders from Commander Donnelly] 

  Art Ridzik : Gallagher!

  Sgt. Gallagher : Yo!

  Art Ridzik : Taxi service!

  Sgt. Gallagher : Right!

• Ivan Danko : Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!

  Art Ritzik : Idiot? You fucker! You almost killed both of us, goddamit!

  Ivan Danko : Viktor!

  Art Ritzik : Fuck Viktor!

• Art Ridzik : Freeze, motherfucker! Don't get nervous. I do this for a living.

• Sgt. Gallagher : You hungry?

  Ivan Danko : No.

  Sgt. Gallagher : Thirsty?

  Ivan Danko : No.

  Art Ridzik : Hate to break up this romance, but I'm parked in a red zone.

• Art Ridzik : This Viktor Rosta, he must've pissed off quite a few commissars... for them to send someone all this way just to babysit him home. What did he do? Take a leak on the Kremlin Wall or something?

• Art Ridzik : How come I get all the shit jobs?

  Lt. Stobbs : Because it fits you, Ridzik.

• Art Ritzik : [after Danko runs over a fountain during the bus chase]  Way to go! That was a fucking Chicago landmark!

• Ivan Danko : Durak! durak! durak!

  Art Ritzik : You're a rock! You fucker. You almost killed both of us, goddamn it.

• Art Ridzik : Nice grouping of your shots

  Ivan Danko : Thank you

  [returns magnum] 

  Ivan Danko : I still like soviet version better