Family Matters (1989–1998)

Reginald VelJohnson: Carl Winslow, Big Daddy Urkel

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Carl : Go home, Steve.

  Steve Urkel : But Carl...

  Carl : Go home, Steve!

  Steve Urkel : Now, Big Guy...

  Carl : Go home! Go home! Go home!

  Steve Urkel : I don't have to take this! I'm going home!

• Carl : 3, 2, 1... 1, 2, 3... What the heck is bothering me?

• Carl : Hi, honey.

  Harriette : Hi sweetie. How was your day?

  Carl : Rough. I just spend two hours talking a guy off a ledge, then found out he was a window washer.

• Eddie : Dad you embarrassed me in front of my friends.

  Carl : Well, I'm sorry if I embarrassed you in front of a guy named Weasel.

• Carl : [Steve has broken a window]  Yes.

  Steve Urkel : Yes what?

  Carl : Yes, you did that.

• Carl : [after kicking Steve out of the house]  And don't you ever come back!

  Steve Urkel : What did you say?

  Carl : Oh, you heard me, don't ever come back.

  Steve Urkel : I will not be bullied! I love this lady

  [Laura] 

  Steve Urkel : and I can come over here anytime I want to and you... can't... stop... me!

• [someone has just smashed into Lt. Murtaugh's classic car] 

  Lt.Murtaugh : Do you know that woman Winslow?

  Carl : Yes, I do. Hi mom!

  Estelle Winslow : Carl! Carl, someone parked their own piece of junk in our driveway.

• [after having stepped on Steve's bug] 

  Carl : Who is Pablo?

  Steve Urkel : [Pointing to the floor]  Him. And him. And... OOHHH, and him!

• Carl : What's up?

  Steve Urkel : Well, actually, this is Eddie's story. All you'll hear from me is an occasional, 'Mmmhmm, that's right.'

  Eddie : That's enough, Steve.

  Steve Urkel : Mmmhmm, that's right.

• Harriette : [sobbing]  Clint is driving off and Meryl will never see him again! Isn't that sad?

  Carl : I'll tell you what's sad Harriette, I've watched two full hours of the "Bridges Of Madison County" and Clint didn't blow up one bridge!

• Steve Urkel : I've invented nuclear batteries.

  Carl : Where did you get the plutonium?

  Steve Urkel : Radio Shack.

• Carl : I just had the worst day of my entire life. I was in a high-speed car chase and ran out of gas.

• [Making lemon tarts] 

  Carl : Rachel, you're putting entirely too much filling in those.

  Rachel Crawford : I'm what?

  [Turns and squirts filling on Carl's shirt] 

  Carl : You shot your bag at me!

• Carl : Nice flowers.

  Steve Urkel : Thanks! Before getting over, I stopped by at the cemetery!

• Eddie : [while Eddie and Carl where doing wiring for the satelite dish]  Be Careful with those wires Dad. You don't want to get fried.

  Carl : Son, I am no neophyte when it comes to electronics. This wire will be connected to this cord and this cord is not plugged in.

  Steve Urkel : [Steve picks up the cord to the satelite dish]  Sloppy, Sloppy, Sloppy!

  [plugs the cord into the socket] 

  Carl , Eddie : [after Carl gets shocked from the electrical current]  STEVE!

• Carl : I needed a good laugh.

  Steve Urkel : You know, every time you laugh you burn off three and a half calories?

  Carl : Maybe I should laugh a little bit more, huh?

• Carl : There is a guy on our couch who says I remember him, but I don't remember him.

  Harriette : Well, tell him you don't remember him.

  Carl : I can't tell him I don't remember him! Because, I already told him I do remember him. So, if I tell him I don't remember him, I'll look like a jerk and I still won't remember him.

  Harriette : Well, if he remembers you, he's used to you looking like a jerk.

• Carl : Uh-oh. That's Lt. Murtaugh. This could be an emergency and I'm not even dressed yet!

  [runs upstairs] 

  Estelle 'Mother' Winslow : Carl hasn't moved that fast since he chased a doughnut down hill.

• [looking through a vacation pamphlet] 

  Eddie : Look at those beaches.

  Laura : Look a those sunsets.

  Rachel Crawford : Look at those men.

  Carl : Look at that buffet.

• Steve Urkel : I've taken a vow of chastity.

  Carl : Steve, you've always been chaste.

  Steve Urkel : Yeah, but now I have an excuse.

• Eddie : I just did the laundry and I'm on my way out to wash the car and cut the grass.

  Carl : Who are you and what have you done with our son?

  Harriette : Who cares? Let's keep this one!

• Carl : Steve, will you please stop sulking and come out of the bathroom?

  Steve Urkel : You yelled at me and you called me a butthead!

  Carl : Of all the names that I have called you , the one that bothers you is butthead?

  Steve Urkel : Yes! It was my nickname in preschool!

• Carl : Edward, your mother was fired.

  Eddie : From her job?

  Carl : No, from a cannon.

• Carl : Rachel, Carl was my great grandfather's name and there is no way that I'm gonna change it.

  Estelle Winslow : Your great grandfather's name was Lester. Carl was his horse.

• [bringing Steve over] 

  Carl : He's all yours.

  [leaves] 

  Laura : Well, he's all yours, Eddie.

  [leaves] 

  Steve Urkel : Face it. You're stuck.

• Steve Urkel : Carl, I brought the notes to go over with Laura.

  Carl : Uh, she's in the shower.

  Steve Urkel : Thanks.

  [heads for the stairs - Carl grabs him by his suspenders] 

  Steve Urkel : I almost got ya there, Carl.

• Carl : You know, bowling was a great idea. I can't think of a single reason not to do this every week.

  [Steve enters] 

  Steve Urkel : Hi everybody!

  Carl : I just thought of a reason.

• Laura : Dad, you're exacerbating the situation instead of ameliorating it.

  Carl : I am... not. But just to be sure, I'm going downstairs to check the dictionary.