Family Matters (1989–1998)
Kellie Shanygne Williams: Laura Winslow
Photos
Quotes
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Steve Urkel : Laura, this is a... a really special moment and... well, I think we should celebrate it by... getting married.
Laura : No.
Steve Urkel : Engaged?
Laura : No.
Steve Urkel : Going steady?
Laura : No.
Steve Urkel : A date?
Laura : No.
Steve Urkel : A kiss?
Laura : No.
Steve Urkel : A handshake?
Laura : No.
Steve Urkel : I'll see ya tomorrow?
Laura : Yeah.
Steve Urkel : I'll take it.
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Laura : How long have we known each other?
Steve Urkel : Nine years, three months, two weeks, four days, six hours, eight minutes, and fourteen seconds... fifteen seconds... sixteen seconds.
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Laura : Touching.
Steve Urkel : Sorry.
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[on the afternoon of the Prom]
Laura : Girl, have you ever seen the hair salon so crowded?
Maxine Johnson : It happens every year the day of the prom. Did you see them work on Dora Fenswick?
Laura : She didn't need a hairstylist, she needs a fairy godmother!
Laura : [Curtis is about to break bad news to Laura] Curtis!
Curtis : Hi Laura!
Laura : What's wrong?
Curtis : I don't know how to tell you this, but I have to tell you straight out. I won't be able to take you to the prom.
Laura : Curtis, I got my hair done, my nails. I bought a new dress and you say you can't take me?
Curtis : That's Right
Laura : Let me tell you something. It better be a dead relative in your excuse.
Curtis : My grandmother died!
Laura : [gasps] I'm sorry, I'm so sorry please forgive me.
Curtis : My whole family is flying out to Washington for the funeral
Laura : Can you wait a day, of course you can't
Curtis : I know you're disappointed. I'm sorry, call you next week?
Laura : Poor Curtis
Maxine Johnson : Yeah and poor you, you gonna miss your prom.
Laura : Maybe not, there has to be some guy who doesn't have a date.
Laura : [as Steve walks he sobs and cries on Laura's shoulder] What's the matter baby, did you eat some bad cheese again? Whoo!
Steve Urkel : [sobbing] No, it's Myra, her cold got worse. Her temperature shot up and she tossed more cookies than the Keebler elf. I rushed her to the emergency room and the doctor said she has walking pneumonia.
Maxine Johnson : Will she be okay?
Steve Urkel : [sobbing] In about a week or so, but she gonna have to miss the prom.
[crying]
Maxine Johnson : [Maxine starts to laugh while talking to Steve] Ooh, hoo hoo. This is amazing! You know uh, Laura doesn't have a date for the prom either. This means you guys have to go together.
[laughs]
Maxine Johnson : Bye!
[Maxine laughs hysterically after she leaves the house]
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Steve Urkel : Care to mop my brow?
Laura : Forget it.
Steve Urkel : No sweat, my pet?
Laura : In your dreams.
Steve Urkel : Hey, this is my dream!
Laura : Well, then not even in your dreams.
Steve Urkel : I can't believe this! I'm being rejected in my own fantasy.
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Laura : Look, I owe you an apology. The only reason I asked you to be my partner was because I was worried about my grade. When I said my feelings for you might change, I was lying. And I'm sorry.
Steve Urkel : So, you used me! You trifled with my emotions! I offered you my heart and you stomped that sucker flat!
Laura : Yes.
Steve Urkel : No biggie!
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Steve Urkel : I have a spectacular evening planned!
Laura : We're not going anywhere until the ground rules are straight. First of all, this is not a real date. It's a "non-date". Second, no one must ever know about this "non-date". Third, if you touch me at any time, the "non-date" is over.
Steve Urkel : Well, what if you trip or something?
Laura : Just let me fall! The rest of the rules are covered in this contract.
Steve Urkel : [reading] "No mouth breathing, no snorting, no drooling". Who does these things? They're disgusting. Where do I sign?
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Steve Urkel : A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
Laura : Yeah, but what are you gonna do?
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Steve Urkel : Hi everybody! Got anything in the fridge?
Laura : Urkel, don't your parents feed you?
Steve Urkel : Not everyday.
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Steve Urkel : Laura? Laura, please. Please, my little Rapunzel.
Laura : For the last time, Steve. I will not give you a lock of my hair.
Steve Urkel : I'll settle for a toenail clipping!
Laura : How can you be so disgusting?
Steve Urkel : It's a gift!
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Steve Urkel : [Steve is suing Carl on the TV show Citizen's Court and Waldo has been called as a witness] Waldo, how did you feel about Pablo?
Waldo : [Monotone while Steve mouths his words with him] Pablo was a kind and gentle creature. When I was with him, I felt... I felt...
[Rolls up his sleeve and begins reading]
Waldo : ... I felt like I was one with the Bee-Oh-Sphere.
Steve Urkel : [panicked] ... um... perhaps you mean "biosphere"?
Waldo : [after thinking a moment] Ok. Cool.
Steve Urkel : [Rushed] That's all. I'm finished with this witness, your honor!
Laura : Wait a second. Excuse me Waldo, is there something written on your arm?
Waldo : Just the stuff Steve told me to say.
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Laura : I do want a guy with something upstairs, but, uh, I also want a well-built staircase.
Steve Urkel : Oh, well, no problem-o. I'll just begin a rigorist-training schedule. Why, a few sessions on the Muscle Master and you'll be drooling over my deltoids.
[strikes a pose]
Steve Urkel : ... Laura?
Laura : What, Steve?
Steve Urkel : I hurt myself. Can you carry me home?
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[Steve just built an atomic bomb]
Steve Urkel : I knew you'd be thrilled.
Laura : This is just a model, right? It can't explode or anything?
Steve Urkel : Why, of course it can! I love ya too much to build you a dud!
Laura : But... but, where'd you get that radioactive stuff?
Steve Urkel : I just called my uncle at the Pentagon. Colonel Dirk Urkel!
Laura : There's an Urkel in our defense department?
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[Jazzy music playing]
Laura : Steve, you like this kind of music?
Steve Urkel : Mmm, not really.
Laura : Maybe there's hope for you yet.
Steve Urkel : I'm more of a polka kinda guy.
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Steve Urkel : Hi Laura, my little sweet potata! Did you think of me while you guys were camping?
Laura : Yeah, every time I used the bug spray.
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Laura : Steve... why did you give me this... this... THIS?
Steve Urkel : Because, I love you... love you... love you!
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Laura : Get a life, Steve!
Steve Urkel : All right! This is fantastic!
Laura : What are you so happy about?
Steve Urkel : You said, "Get a life, Steve", A week ago you would have said, "Get a life, TURBONERD". I'm wearin' you down baby, I'm wearin' you DOWWWWNN!
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Steve Urkel : Is there anything I can do for you while I'm down here waiting?
Laura : Let me know when Eddie gets back.
[Eddie comes crashing through the living room in the car]
Steve Urkel : [shocked] He's baaaaack!
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Laura : We're not going anywhere. Uh, we're, uh, playin' hide and seek!
Eddie : Hide and seek! That's it!
Steve Urkel : Oh great! My parents play this with me all the time! Once, I found them in Milwaukee living under an assumed name!
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Laura : Every time we order another course, you bring your chair closer.
Steve Urkel : I can't help it, Laura. I'm drawn to you. Like a moth to a flame. A bee to a blossom. A mouse to cheese!
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Steve Urkel : Hi everybody!
Laura : Urkel, don't you ever knock?
Steve Urkel : No, I don't like to disturb anyone.
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[Steve accidentally set off his A-bomb]
Steve Urkel : Don't panic, my love! If I remember correctly, the safest place to be during a nuclear explosion is in a reinforced basement.
Laura : Not when the bomb is in the basement with you!
Steve Urkel : Good point... PANIC!
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[looking through a vacation pamphlet]
Eddie : Look at those beaches.
Laura : Look a those sunsets.
Rachel Crawford : Look at those men.
Carl : Look at that buffet.
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Laura : Steve Urkel, you are the most annoying human being that I have ever met!
Steve Urkel : [Talking to Eddie and his girlfriend] You heard her, you're all witnesses. She actually said, "Human Being". She's mine!
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[Stefan did not take his "cool boost" for that week - he wants to turn back into Steve]
Laura : How long do you think it'll be?
Stefan Urkelle : Well, it could be a few days, or weeks, or
[Steve voice]
Stefan Urkelle : any minute now!
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Laura : Steve, did you eat that moldy cheese?
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Steve Urkel : All right, Laura, we'll randeavou at the Isetta.
Laura : The Isetta?
Steve Urkel : That's what I saida!
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[Steve is eating frozen fish sticks out of the box]
Laura : Steve, you're supposed to cook those!
Steve Urkel : And lose that wonderful ocean flavor?
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[bringing Steve over]
Carl : He's all yours.
[leaves]
Laura : Well, he's all yours, Eddie.
[leaves]
Steve Urkel : Face it. You're stuck.
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Harriette : Laura! This oven is on 550.
Laura : Ma, the package said to cook it at 275 for 20 minutes. So, I figured if I doubled the temperature, I could cook it in half the time.
Steve Urkel : [cracks up] Oh, that's rich! That's one for the books! Oh! How could a girl so smart do something so... so... So long!
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Laura : I was thinking about taking a home economics class so I can learn how to cook
Harriette : What for? I can teach you how to cook.
Laura : That's okay mom.
Harriette : Look why not?
Laura : Remember when you tried to teach me how to sew? You made me so nervous that I had to go to the hospital to get the thimble taken off.
Harriette : I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a home economics class.
