The 'Burbs (1989)
Bruce Dern: Mark Rumsfield
Photos
Quotes
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Mark Rumsfield : Klopek... what is that, Slavic?
Reuben : NO.
Mark Rumsfield : 'Bout a nine on the tension scale, Reub.
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Mark Rumsfield : Smells like they're cooking a goddamn cat over there.
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Mark Rumsfield : There go the Goddamn brownies!
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[looking at photo]
Mark Rumsfield : Oh, pretty girl! Friend of yours?
Hans Klopek : No, it came with the frame.
Mark Rumsfield : [mocking] It came wit de frame?
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Mark Rumsfield : Here you go, sonny - a little something for the old sweet tooth.
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Mark Rumsfield : [Pounds] Good solid walls...
[Pounds]
Mark Rumsfield : Good solid floors.
[Someone in the basement pounds in response. Rumsfield grins]
Mark Rumsfield : Oh-ho. Got somebody tied up in the ol' cellar, have yah, Rube?
[Ray chokes on his sardine]
Ray Peterson : Packing dust, sorry.
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Mark Rumsfield : Ricky, get this lame-o out of your yard.
Ricky Butler : [puts his arm around his friend] Get out of my yard, Lame-o!
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Mark Rumsfield : In Southeast Asia we'd call this kind of thing bad karma.
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Mark Rumsfield : Art!
Bonnie Rumsfield : Your wife is home!
Mark Rumsfield : And your house is on fire!
Art : My wife is home?
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Ricky Butler : Hey, hey, hey, Rumsfield! Dude! What are you doing with the gun?
Mark Rumsfield : Just shut up and paint your goddam house!
Ricky Butler : Whoa! Fine.
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Mark Rumsfield : Hey... Pinocchio! Where are you going?
Hans Klopek : [runs away and slips on dog poop]
Mark Rumsfield : [runs, slips and falls on poop too; then grabs him] Don't you make a move sonny. I was eighteen months in the bush and I could snap your neck in a heartbeat.
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Ricky Butler : Hey, Mrs. Rumsfield, no tan lines. Looks nice.
Mark Rumsfield : That kid next door's a meatball.
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Mark Rumsfield : That really burns my ass.
Bonnie Rumsfield : What?
Mark Rumsfield : That old fart. He's got the best lawn on the block. And you know why? Because he trains his dog to crap in my yard.
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Ray Peterson : It's Walter's Toupée.
Art Wiengartner : Oh jeez, beautiful place to keep a toupée, on the stove. I'm starving.
[walks off to the fridge]
Mr. Rumsfield : One thing about these old guys - they don't ever leave the house without their hair. No sir. Walter left this house in a big hurry.
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Mark Rumsfield : Rumsfield's the name. Don't think I caught yours, sonny?
Hans Klopek : H-H-Hans.
Mark Rumsfield : Hans! Oh-ho! A fine Christian name. Hans Christian Andersen! What are you, Catholic?
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Mark Rumsfield : What'd you say we all sit down for a little of the old face-to-face, hey What-Rube?
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Vic, Garbageman #1 : The question here is garbage. Who picks up this mess?
Mr. Rumsfield : Who picks up this mess? Well you're going to pick up the mess, because YOU are a garbage man.
Vic, Garbageman #1 : I pick up garbage from cans, not from the street!
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Mark Rumsfield : What have you got in the cellar, HERR Klopek!
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Mark Rumsfield : [Ray takes Walter's toupee out of his shorts] Are you implying that you've been carrying that around in your shorts all day?
Ray Peterson : After you left Walter's house yesterday, I slipped this back in, through the mail slot.
Art Wiengartner : Well, where'd you get this then?
[Ray gestures to the Klopeck's house]
Ray Peterson : After the dog came up out of the basement, I found it wedged in between a bunch of magazines all of which I might add, were addressed to Walter!
Art Wiengartner : Then that means that...
Mark Rumsfield : Klopeck went back into the house and got the hair. What do we do now, soldier?
Ray Peterson : Well you heard them say they're leaving tomorrow morning? As soon as they're gone, I'm going over that fence, and I'm not coming back until I find a dead body.
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Mark Rumsfield : Shut up and paint your GODDAMN HOUSE!
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Ray Peterson : Infra-red night vision scopes? What are we going to do next, tap their phones line?
Mark Rumsfield : That can be arranged.
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Mark Rumsfield : I know you're in there, old man! Listen up, mister! That piece of scum barking rat of yours has just taken his last dump on my lawn! I find one more- just one- I'm gonna catch him and staple his ass shut!
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Mark Rumsfield : Are you totally pussy-whipped, or what? Why don't you just take your balls out of your wifes purse... make a stand for one time in your life.
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Ray Peterson : Is that a transformer or something...?
Mark Rumsfield : It's the goddamn power company.
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Steve Kuntz : Hey man, when's the big unveiling, huh? Look, i gotta go to work in a couple of hours, you know.
Mark Rumsfield : Hey man, piss off.
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Ricky Butler : Mr. Rumsfield. You guys managed to knock out the power on the entire block. Probably the whole south end of town.
Mark Rumsfield : Ricky, SHUT UP.
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Mr. Rumsfield : Affirmative. That garbage is going nowhere. I say we wait till first light. Scope me.
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Mark Rumsfield : We caught ya, Reub. You think you've been playing us for saps but you were wrong.
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Ricky Butler : Oh, Mr. Rumsfield, be careful! Queenie...
Mark Rumsfield : [steps in poop] Goddamn it!
Bonnie Rumsfield : Uh-oh.
Mark Rumsfield : Walter. Walter! Walter!
Ricky Butler : I love that dude.
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Mark Rumsfield : Let's cut this "nice" crap. We know what's goin' on here. What's the weird Goddamn noise comin' from the basement?
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Dr. Werner Klopek : Tomorrow we must all go to the university to discuss yet another transfer.
Carol Peterson : No. And we're just getting to know you. That's a shame. Isn't that a shame, honey?
Ray Peterson : That's a shame.
Mark Rumsfield : Says who?
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Mark Rumsfield : [to Dr Klopek] Why don't we just cut all this polite crap, all right? What's the weird goddam noise you got comin' outta here all the time?
Carol Peterson : Uh, I think that we should go.
Mark Rumsfield : What have you got in the cellar, Herr Klopek?