The Fabulous Baker Boys (1989)

Michelle Pfeiffer: Susie Diamond

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Jack Baker : You look good.

  Susie Diamond : You look like shit.

  Jack Baker : No, I mean it. You look good.

  Susie Diamond : I mean it, too. You look like shit.

• Frank Baker : Okay, let's hear it. We trashed the Avedon, the Luau Lounge - what's our beef with 'Feelings'?

  Susie Diamond : Nothing... except who cares? I mean, does anybody really need to hear 'Feelings' again in their lifetime? It's like parsley, okay? Take it away, nobody's going to know the difference.

  Frank Baker : 'Feelings' is not parsley!

  Susie Diamond : Frank, to you 'Feelings' may be goddamn filet mignon, but to me, it's parsley. It's *less* than parsley.

  Frank Baker : Look, 'Feelings,' despite what you may think of it, has always been one of the bright moments of the show, and a consistent crowd-pleaser, and consequently we have an obligation to perform it. If we didn't, the audience would be disappointed.

  Susie Diamond : Oh. Well, they weren't exactly crying their eyes out on New Year's Eve.

  Frank Baker : You passed over 'Feelings'?

  Susie Diamond : Yeah. Oh, and 'Bali Hai' went out with the bathwater, too.

  Frank Baker : Ah ha. I see. The cat goes away for the night, and the mice take over the orchestra.

  Susie Diamond : Hey! I ain't no mouse.

  Frank Baker : That's right - you're parsley.

• Jack Baker : There's always another girl.

  [several scenes later] 

  Susie Diamond : So, did you find another girl?

  Jack Baker : I didn't look.

• Jack Baker : Listen to me, princess. We fucked twice. That's it. Once the sweat dries, you still don't know shit about me. Got it?

  Susie Diamond : I know one thing. While Frank Baker was home putting his kids to sleep last night, little brother Jack was out dusting off his dreams for a few minutes. I was there. I saw it in your face. You're full of shit. You're a fake. Every time you walk into some shitty daiquiri hut, you're selling yourself on the cheap. Hey, I know all about that. I'd find myself at the end of the night with some creep and tell myself it didn't matter. And you kid yourself that you've got this empty place inside where you can put it all. But you do it long enough and all you are is empty.

  Jack Baker : I didn't know whores were so philosophical.

  Susie Diamond : At least my brother's not my pimp. You know, I had you pegged for a loser the first time I saw you, but I was wrong. You're worse. You're a coward.

• Susie Diamond : Oh no, not the goddamn Luau Lounge again!

  Frank Baker : What's the matter with the Luau Lounge? They don't salt their peanuts?

  Susie Diamond : Singing 'Feelings' knee-deep in paper orchids and plastic tiki lamps is not exactly my idea of a fun evening.

  Frank Baker : Fun? Who promised you fun? We get paid, remember!

• Susie Diamond : You're good, aren't you?

  Jack Baker : I can carry a tune.

  Susie Diamond : You're better than that.

• Susie Diamond : Listen, I didn't expect you to rush out and buy me a corsage this morning, you know. Your high school ring is safe.

• Susie Diamond : You don't give a fuck, do you, about anything?

• Susie Diamond : Listen, you're not going soft on me, are you? I mean, you're not going to start dreaming about me and waking up all sweaty and looking at me like I'm some sort of princess when I burp?

• Susie Diamond : So, make any resolutions?

  Jack Baker : No, you?

  Susie Diamond : Nah, I figure all that stuff's a bunch of crap, anyway. You do what you do, right?

• Jack Baker : So how's the cat food business?

  Susie Diamond : Terrific. I'm doing vegetables now.

  Jack Baker : What kind?

  Susie Diamond : Carrots. Peas. None of the important ones.

  Susie Diamond : [sings]  Peas, peas, try our peas. Our peas are a delicacy.

• Susie Diamond : l stayed at the Hartford one time. You should see the rooms. All satin and velvet. And the bed... royal blue, trimmed in lace clean as snow. Hard to believe a room like that don't change your life. But it don't. The bed may be magic, but the mirror isn't. Still wake up the same old Susie.

• Susie Diamond : Listen. The reason I came by last night. I'm thinking about leaving the act. I met this guy over New Year's, at the hotel. He liked my voice. He thinks I can sell cat food just by singing about it. Crazy, huh? I mean, it's nothing big. Mostly local stuff, probably.

  Jack Baker : Take it.

  Susie Diamond : Well, I haven't decided. I'm just thinking about it.

  Jack Baker : Take it.

• Frank Baker : [in the Ambassador Lounge, in front of many people]  Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to a very special lady with a very special way of singing a song. Miss Susie Diamond!

  Susie Diamond : [talking into microphone, but it's turned off, so no sound is coming out]  Ladies and Gentlemen...

  Frank Baker : [whispering to her]  Hit the switch. Hit the switch.

  Susie Diamond : Switch?

  Susie Diamond : [she accidentally flips a switch, microphone suddenly comes on, very LOUD]  What FUCKING switch?

  Susie Diamond : [embarrassed, softly]  Pardon me.

  Frank Baker : [later, outside, he says it like he can't believe it]  "Fucking." She says ''fucking'' in front of an entire room of people!

  Susie Diamond : l apologized.

  Frank Baker : [mad]  Did you hear it?

  Jack Baker : [not mad, just repeating it for Frank's sake]  Fucking.

  Susie Diamond : Look, they were on their third Mai Tai by the time l got out there, anyway.

  Frank Baker : [still mad]  Fucking!

  Susie Diamond : [defensively]  For Christ's sake, l said it, l didn't DO it. Besides, l don't think they were that offended.

• Susie Diamond : [singing]  It's really killing that he's so willing to make whoopee.

• Frank Baker : [after their show, pouring champagne:]  Mark my words. From this night forward, our lives will *never*... be the same.

  Susie Diamond : I'll tell you what, Frank. You get more pop out of two glasses of champagne than anyone I know.