Mel Smith: Inspector Flint
Quotes
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[Flint has found Henry in the graveyard]
Inspector Flint : I bet if we dug up these graves, we'd find a dead body in every one!
Henry Wilt : Well, so would I!
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Inspector Flint : Your wife! Your wife is *dead*!
Henry Wilt : You know what, Inspector, for the first time since I met you, you're in danger of actually being right about something!
[Henry wacks Flint into an open grave with the shovel, and runs off]
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Inspector Flint : [to Wilt, who has just attacked him thinking he is a mugger] I *am* the fucking police, you gormless erection!
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Henry Wilt : You can beat me up if you like - it won't do any good.
Inspector Flint : You're wrong there - It'll do me the power of good!
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[Flint has realised that Henry is innocent of all charges]
Inspector Flint : In that case, *I* am under arrest. I am hereby arresting myself, for conspiring to falsify evidence for the wrongful arrest of a private citizen, misuse of police manpower and resources, and for knowingly obtaining an unlicensed firearm from an illegal source, with intent to murder and maim.
[Hands shotgun to Eva]
Inspector Flint : I am not obliged to say anything, but anything I do say can be noted and used as evidence. If someone would care to call the police, I shall be in the cemetery.
[Flint exits, while Henry joins Eva]
Henry Wilt : He's been under a lot of stress, lately.
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Inspector Flint : [Wilt has just told him what happened to Eva's note] Do you mean to say that the one piece of evidence that could corroborate your story is wrapped round a turd half way to the North Sea?
Henry Wilt : Yes.
Inspector Flint : How tragically inconvenient!
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Inspector Flint : You're inferring we're all thick?
Henry Wilt : No, I'm IMPLYING you're all thick, you're inferring that that is what I'm IMPLYING.
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[in a sex shop]
Inspector Flint : Good God! Do people really buy tartan dildos?
Salesman : That's my thermos, Mr. Flint.
