- Vlad: [to Rosa through the intercom] Let me in or I will rip out your throat and use your windpipe as a straw!
- Angelique: [to David while telling him an edited version of her life story] Whatever you do, never bury yourself alive.
- Dr. David Zuckerman: [as he and Angelique are about to make love in her coffin] You call this a bed?
- Vlad: [after Angelique has just rammed a stake into his heart through his back] Angelique! You've broken my heart!
- Angelique: [to Vlad] I buried myself alive for a hundred years to get away from you! Can't you take the hint?
- Dr. David Zuckerman: [dancing with Angelique after Vlad has been dealt with] I guess this will entail certain changes.
- Angelique: [laughing] Certain small changes.
- Dr. David Zuckerman: Like diet...
- Angelique: Blood becomes you, my dear.
- Dr. David Zuckerman: Lifestyle...
- Angelique: All the fun's at night.
- Dr. David Zuckerman: And then there's you.
- Angelique: We shall make the most glorious pair of monsters.
- Vlad: [to David] What your century has produced in greater quantities than in the past... is arrogance.
- Dr. David Zuckerman: [to Vlad] I know who you are.
- Vlad: You know who I am... but do you know *what* I am?
- Dr. David Zuckerman: I know what you *think* you are.
- Vlad: I forget... I am no longer a monster, I'm... what was it? Oh yes... *diseased*! Well, maybe I am, it matters little. To be diseased in this culture *is* to be a monster!
- [he laughs]
- Vlad: I am a glorious cancer!
- Jose: [He's been trying to attract the vampires' attention] Come and get me, fiend of the night! You slithering slimy crawler of the dark! Come forth and meet your doom!
- 2nd American vampire: [emerges from the shadows] Okay, okay, I'm here. No need to shout.
- Jose: [gulps] Are you... are you one of them?
- 2nd American vampire: A slithering slimy crawler of the dark?
- [he bares his fangs]
- Jose: I hope you didn't take it personally.
- 2nd American vampire: [advances on him] Naw, I won't take it personally... if you won't take this personally.
- Jose: What?
- 2nd American vampire: Me ripping your head off... lapping up your blood.
- Bill: You know, I hate Mexico! I hate the air, I hate the land! You know what I really hate? I hate the blood!
- 2nd American vampire: [looks at him] What's wrong with the blood?
- Bill: Well, it's too sweet!
- 2nd American vampire: Sweet?
- Bill: Yeah, it's like bad candy.