Shirley Valentine (1989)

Pauline Collins: Shirley Valentine

Photos 

Quotes 

• Shirley Valentine : I have allowed myself to lead this little life, when inside me there was so much more. And it's all gone unused. And now it never will be. Why do we get all this life if we don't ever use it? Why do we get all these feelings and dreams and hopes if we don't ever use them?

• Shirley Valentine : I think that marriage is like the Middle East - there's no solution.

• Shirley Valentine : That's right, Millandra, I'm going to Greece for the sex! Sex for breakfast! Sex for dinner! Sex for tea! And sex for supper!

  Van Driver : Sounds like a fantastic diet, love!

  Shirley Valentine : It is, have you never heard of it? It's called the "F" plan!

• Shirley Valentine : I mean, most fellas ya know, they've got no idea how to talk to a woman.

  Costas Caldes : No?

  Shirley Valentine : No. They feel they have to take over the conversation. I mean, I mean with most fellas if you say something like, like my favorite season's autumn, they go oh, oh, my favorite season's spring and then you've got 10 minutes of them talkin' about why they like spring and you weren't talkin' about spring, you were talkin' about autumn. So what do you do? You talk about what they want to talk about. Or you don't talk at all. Or you wind up talking to yourself.

• Shirley Valentine : Oh!

  [to audience] 

  Shirley Valentine : He kissed me stretch marks!

  [to Costas] 

  Shirley Valentine : You kissed my stretch marks!

  Costas Caldes : Don't, don't be too stupid to try to hide these lines. They, they are lovely, because they are part of you, and you are lovely, so don't, don't hide, be proud. Sure. These marks show that, that you are alive, that you survive. Don't try to hide these lines. They are the marks of life.

  [Costas leans over to kiss Shirley's stretch marks] 

  Shirley Valentine : [to audience]  Aren't men full of shit?

• [bored by dinner conversation] 

  Shirley Valentine : It's a good job we're not having soup, or else I'd put me head in it and drown meself.

• Shirley Valentine : I think sex is like supermarkets, you know, overrated. Just a lot of pushing and shoving and you still come out with very little at the end.

• [Shirley is looking after Gillian's bloodhound which Gillian has brought up to be vegan] 

  Shirley Valentine : Ah, it's not natural, is it? I mean, if God had wanted to create a vegetarian dog, he wouldn't have made you a bloodhound, would he? He'd have made you a yoghurt-hound. But you're a bloodhound. You need meat.

• Shirley Valentine : I'm not sayin' she's a bragger, but if you've been to Paradise, she's got a season ticket. She's that type, Gillian, you know. If you've got a headache, she's got a brain tumor.

• Shirley Valentine : I'm not sayin' he's bad, my fella. He's just no bleedin' good.

• [last lines] 

  Shirley Valentine : [at sunset, Shirley sits at a table at the edge of the beach as Joe approaches up the road carrying a suitcase]  Oh, I hope he stays for a while. He needs a holiday. He needs to feel the sun on his skin and to be in water that's as deep as forever.

  Shirley Valentine : [Joe walks straight past her without any recognition, she turns and speaks from behind him]  Joe.

  Joe Bradshaw : I didn't recognize ya.

  Shirley Valentine : I know. I used to be The Mother. I used to be The Wife. But now I'm Shirley Valentine again. Would you like to join me for a drink?

  Joe Bradshaw : Er... thanks.

• [first lines] 

  Shirley Valentine : Hiya Wall.

  Shirley Valentine : [to the camera]  Well what's wrong with that? There's a woman three doors down talks to her microwave. Talking to a microwave! Wall, what's the world coming to?

• Shirley Valentine : Jane divorced her husband. I never knew him, it was before I met her. Apparently she came home from work unexpectedly one morning and found him in bed with the milkman. Honest to God, the milkman! But from that day forward I've noticed she never takes milk in her tea.

• Shirley Valentine : [re: Millandra]  What am I doing? She's only been home for five minutes and I'm already running around like R-2-bleedin' D-2

• Shirley Valentine : I was never really interested in school after that.

  Shirley Valentine : I became a rebel.

  Shirley Valentine : I used to wear my school skirt so high you would have thought it was a serviette.

  Shirley Valentine : I was marvelous.

  Shirley Valentine : I used to exude boredom from every pore and I hated everything.

• [Shirley is having a girls' night out with her friends in the pub] 

  Shirley Valentine : D'you know. When I was a girl, we'd never even *heard* of the clitoris. When I first read about it, I thought it was pronounced "clit-OR-is".

  Sally : It sounds nicer that way.

  Shirley Valentine : It sounds as if it could be a name. "Oh, hiya ClitORis. How are you?"

  Sally : That makes it sound a bit crude, somehow.

  Shirley Valentine : Shut up! Why not? Plenty of men walking round called Dick.

  [they all laugh] 

  Shirley Valentine : Well, that's the way I thought it was pronounced when I mentioned it to Joe, sitting there in the front room one night. I said "Joe, have you ever heard of the clitORis?". He didn't even look up from his paper. "Yeah, but it doesn't go as well as the Ford Escort."

• Shirley Valentine : Aw God, oh, Jane, I look like the back end of a tram smash.

• Shirley Valentine : So, just think how exciting it'll be if for once you had it at a quarter past six. It'd make headlines. "World exclusive: Joe eats late."

• Shirley Valentine : I know, I'm wicked aren't I?

  Shirley Valentine : I enjoy a glass of wine while I'm preparing the evening meal... Chips and Egg

• Shirley Valentine : Those travel sickness pills mustn't be working. I still feel sick and I've taken four already. And I've only travelled up and down the stairs.

• Shirley Valentine : [after sex]  Oh my God! Where did that orchestra come from?