The Witches (1990)

Jasen Fisher: Luke

Photos 

Quotes 

• Helga : Real witches are very cruel, and they have a highly developed sense of smell. A real witch could smell you across the street on a pitch-black night.

  Luke : She couldn't smell me. I've just had a shower.

  Helga : Oh yes, she could. The cleaner you are, the more a witch can smell you.

  Luke : That doesn't make sense.

  Helga : Oh, yes it does. A dirty child, it is the dirt she smells. A clean child, it is the child.

  Luke : Wow. I'll never have a shower again, and I'll have you for an excuse.

  Helga : Well, just not often. Only once a month is probably safe.

  Luke : So a witch could smell me right now?

  Helga : To me you smell of raspberries and cream. But to a witch, you would smell absolutely disgusting.

  Luke : What kind of disgusting?

  Helga : Like... dog's droppings.

  Luke : I don't believe it.

  Helga : You don't believe it? What's more, to a witch you would smell of FRESH dog's droppings.

• Luke : So if no one's seen the Grand High Witch, how are you sure she exists?

  Helga : [she looks at him]  Nobody's ever seen the Devil, but we know He exists, don't we?

  Luke : Yes.

  Helga : For all you know, a witch might be living next door to you.

• Woman in Black : Hello, young man. What a magnificent tree-house. Did you build it yourself?

  Luke : My dad and I did.

  Woman in Black : [opening her purse]  I've got something for you here. Something I think you'll like.

  [Her eyes glow. Luke gasps] 

  Woman in Black : Jump down, and I'll show you.

  Luke : No!

  Woman in Black : What?

  Luke : No, thank you very much.

  Woman in Black : It's worth a lot of money...

  Luke : This is private property.

  Woman in Black : [pulling a snake out of her purse]  There's nothing to be frightened of, I just wanted to give you this. I find him on my walks, he's quite harmless. See? Little boys love snakes. Here, he's yours.

  Luke : [calling]  Grandma!

  Woman in Black : Look, I'll leave him here if you like, then you can come down on your own and get him. They wriggle away quite quickly... UNLESS you tell them not to.

  [she whispers to the snake] 

• Luke : Grandma! Grandma! Wake up, Grandma! Please, Grandma!

  [Miss Ernst and Miss Irvine enter the room] 

  Luke : My grandma!

  Miss Ernst : An old adversary I have discovered... very old...

  Luke : If you hurt my grandma...

  Miss Ernst : Silence!

  [caughts Luke] 

• [last lines] 

  Luke : Don't forget Bruno!

• Helga : Oh, how I love English hotel teas! Cream cakes, and shortbread, and...

  Luke : No grandma.

  Helga , Luke : No cream cakes.

  Helga : And no shortbread either; it's full of sugar. Soon I will be eating the same diet as your mice.

• Helga : Witches spend their time plotting to kill children, stalking the wretched child like a hunter stalks a bird in the forest.

  Luke : Did they hunt you?

  [she shows him her right hand with a missing finger] 

  Luke : You said it was an accident...

  Helga : A very unpleasant accident.

• Mr. Stringer : I'm sorry, madam, but I cannot permit mice in my hotel.

  Helga : How dare you say that when your rotten hotel is full of rats anyway?

  Mr. Stringer : Rats? There are no rats in this hotel!

  Helga : I saw one this morning running along the corridor, into the kitchens.

  Mr. Stringer : Madam, you only arrived in the hotel this afternoon.

  Helga : [scoffs]  Morning, afternoon, I saw a rat in your hotel, and if matters do not improve, I shall have to report you to the public health authorities.

  Mr. Stringer : Look, madam, I'm not prepared...

  Luke : The cakes in the lounge are nibbled around the edges, too. I can show you.

  Helga : If you are not careful, the health people will order the whole hotel closed before everyone gets typhoid fever.

  Mr. Stringer : You can't be serious, madam!

  Helga : I have never been more serious in my life. Now - will you or will you not let my grandchild keep his hygienic and perfectly harmless pet mice?