Drop Dead Fred (1991)

Rik Mayall: Drop Dead Fred

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Fred : [Looking up Polly's skirt]  Wow.

  [Looks at Elizabeth and points up] 

  Fred : Cobwebs.

• Fred : Well why don't we harpoon Charles straight through the head, drag him back to the apartment, and hit him with a hammer until he agrees to come back?

  Elizabeth : Harpoon him through the head. That won't work Fred.

  Fred : Why not? How many times have you tried it?

• Fred : I can't believe we left the party so soon. And there was so much wine to spit around the place.

  Elizabeth : I got upset.

  Fred : "I got upset." God, you're so stupid. You never leave a party 'til the very very end.

  Elizabeth : Oh really?

  Fred : Yeah really.

  Elizabeth : Well what about Cinderella? Remember what happened with her?

  Fred : No I don't remember what happened *with her*. I deliberately forgot all about her. She made me puke. I remember the ugly stepsisters, they were great.

• Fred : It takes more than a fire truck to stop Drop Dead Fred.

• [after just meeting Elizabeth for the first time in years] 

  Fred : Hello, snotface. Yuck what happened to you? You're all older, you're even uglier! Look, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to be sick all over you, immediately. Lie down.

• Fred : Look, you've got you now. You don't need me.

• Fred : You see when something's not working right, the best thing to do is tear it apart to make it better.

• Fred : Just kiss me, and say Drop Dead Fred... now

• [Fred looks up a woman's dress] 

  Fred : No panties. No panties.

• Young Elizabeth : Maybe Mommy's right. I never do anything right.

  Fred : No! You're great. She's not.

• Fred : Drown the fishes.

• [after just seeing Elizabeth's mother] 

  Fred : Is it? It is. the mega-bitch.

• [Mickey wants to be as 'crazy' as Elizabeth, and he starts hurling pasta at couples in the resturarant] 

  Waiter #2 : [approaches] 

  Fred : Uh-oh!

  Waiter #2 : [furioudly]  YOU DON'T THROW SPAGHETTI IN MY RESTRUARANT!

  Mickey Bunce : [mimicking his Italian accent]  Ok, oka fine - YOU DO IT!

  [he slaps his hands underneath the plates the waiter is holding in each hand, sending them flying across the room] 

• [forces Elizabeth into her room] 

  Nurse : Good night, flake!

  Fred : Yeah, well, we're not scared of you, fatso!

  [the door locks] 

• Fred : I'm not afraid of the megabeast!

  Young Elizabeth : I'm not either, when she comes in here we'll make her eat up all this mud!

  Fred : Yeah... and then we'll cut her head off...

  Young Elizabeth : with scissors...

  Fred : Yeah... and then we'll make her eat it

  Young Elizabeth : ...make her eat her own head... with what?

  Fred : Oh yeah, well I'll eat her head then.

  Young Elizabeth : And I'll eat the rest of her!

  Fred : Yeah! And then we'll get up and poo her all over the table cause we're not afraid of anything

  Fred , Young Elizabeth : yeah, yeah YEAH!

• Fred : Oh no, Mickey Fart-Pants. Whoever let HIM grow up?

• Fred : Morning. So who's for snot flicking?

• Fred : Boo!

  Elizabeth : Ahhh!

  Fred : Hello, Snotface! Yuck! What happened to you? Look at you. You're all older. You're even uglier. Uch. I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to be sick all over you immediately. Lie down.

  [Pushes Elizabeth down on the bed] 

  Fred : Hang on. Where's all the dolls?

  Elizabeth : [Whispers]  Drop Dead Fred.

  Fred : Where is the dolls?

  [Throws dolls at Elizabeth] 

  Fred : I wanna play with the-Ah hah! The dolls! Hello, Jemima. Hello, Angelec.

  [Makes the dolls say 'Hello.'] 

  Fred : You're gonna die!

  [Screams and hits Jemima's head against the door. Bites off Angelec's head. Throws dolls] 

  Fred : Mr. Pooh!

  [Makes Mr. Pooh say 'Hello.'] 

  Fred : You die too!

  [Makes Mr. Pooh say 'No no no.'] 

  Fred : Yes yes yes.

  [Screams and rips Mr. Pooh's stuffing out while throwing the stuffing at Elizabeth] 

  Fred : [Makes Mr. Pooh scream 'No! My intestines. Not my intestines!'] 

  [Spits on Mr. Pooh] 

  Elizabeth : [Whispers]  I must be dreaming.

• Fred : I wrote the note. Hahahahaha! Haven't got a husband! Haven't got a husband! Got a stupid hair cut!

• Elizabeth : Go away

  Fred : go away? why do you want me to go away? Fine! say the magic words and i'll piss off

  Elizabeth : Piss off!

  Fred : Ha! I lied those weren't the magic words

  Polly : What did you say?

  Fred : She told you to piss off

• Mickey Bunce : [comes home to find his daughter Natalie, covered with chocolate. He kneels next to her]  Natalie, what happened?

  Natalie Bunce : We wanted some chocolate! It's yummy, do you want some?

  [offers Mickey her hand to lick] 

  Mickey Bunce : [chuckles]  No, I don't want any.

  Ms. Fuzzock : This young lady has made quite a mess in the kitchen, and she expects me to believe that some pretend friend did it.

  Natalie Bunce : He's not pretend! He's drop dead Fred!

  Elizabeth : [kneels down to speak to Natalie]  What did you say?

  Fred : [appearing from behind a tree]  She said I'm not pretend. What are you deaf?

  Mickey Bunce : Natalie, come on, what really happened?

  Natalie Bunce : I'm telling you the truth! Don't you believe me?

  Elizabeth : I believe you. Next time you see that drop dead Fred. You give him my love.

• Fred : I am a loner, a crazy wide eyed loner on a doomed mission to Venus to battle with the 3 headed mega beast but on the way I caught cornflakes disease.

• [Elizabeth and Charles are lying down, making out on the sofa] 

  Fred : Hold on, hold on that's now how the pigeons do it. You're supposed to stamp on her head and peck her

• Fred : [pulls Elizabeth towards the stairs]  Come on!

  Elizabeth : Where are we going?

  Fred : Playtime!

  [slides down the bannister] 

  Fred : Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

  [he slaps straight into the newel post at the bottom] 

  Elizabeth : [in pain]  Ahhh! Oooooh! WHO PUT THAT THERE?

• [Fred appears in front of a mirror] 

  Fred : Boo!

  Elizabeth : Aaah!

  Fred : [laughing]  Shit yourself?

  Elizabeth : I thought you were dead.

  Fred : Hey, it takes more than a fire truck to stop Drop Dead Fred.

• [Fred sees Elizabeth and Charles] 

  Fred : Ugh! What does that taste like?

  [Elizabeth elbows him in the gut] 

• Elizabeth : [to Polly]  I'm not afraid of you!

  Fred : Finally, the magic words!

• Fred : [sitting between Elizabeth and Mickey]  Oh great. Now I'm stuck between two complete utter girls.

• Fred : Snotface, look... INK - let's write something on the carpet... I know how 'bout "Mother SUCKS".

• Fred : You just put a piece of broccoli in your mouth and said, "Mm, what a lovely piece of broccoli."

• Fred : [while dancing in the chair in the living room with dog poo on his shoes]  Dog poo, dog poo, yucky yucky dog poo. Dog poo on the chair... all on the sides, all up there, yucky yucky smelly dog poo!

• Fred : I don't love you because love is for girls and girls are disgusting

• Fred : [to Elizabeth]  You got married? You mean you've been doing it like the pigeons? No! Yuck!

• Fred : [sitting inside the refrigerator] 

  [about Charles] 

  Fred : Snotface, he's the wrong man for you.

  Elizabeth : I don't want to hear it

  Fred : You're not happy.

  [Elizabeth closes the fridge door] 

  Elizabeth : Yes I am.

  Fred : [crawling from underneath a counter]  Well, if you're so happy, then why I am still here, hmm?

  Elizabeth : I can fix that.

  [she pulls out the pills] 

  Fred : Oh no, don't do that. No, please, don't do that. Do-

  [Elizabeth takes the pill, he dubs over in pain. While grinding pepper, Elizabeth sneezes and sends Fred bouncing against the walls]