Encino Man (1992)

Sean Astin: Dave Morgan

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dave : The only thing you have ever cared about was nugs, chillin' and grindage.

  Stoney : Yeah? Well, I happen to care right now!

  Dave : THAT'S convenient. You came along for the ride, and you let ME do the dirty work... 'cause you thought it might work out to your advantage.

  Stoney : [as Dave walks off]  Those are desperate words of a LOSER. Maybe Matt Wilson was right about you all along.

  Dave : [turning to face him]  Take that back, Stoney.

  Stoney : No, YOU take that back!

  Dave : [shoves Stoney]  TAKE IT BACK!

  [they start fighting, Dave takes Stoney to the ground] 

  Stoney : You're a loser.

  Link : [as he separates them]  FAMILY!

  Dave : [Link restrains Dave]  All right! I'm sorry.

  Link : Family.

• Stoney : Um, Robyn Sweeney, bro? She's not going to the prom with you, man. I wish she would, but she's really not.

  Dave : What are you talking about? Robyn Sweeney is mine. She's become a major babe, and she loves me.

  Stoney : She finds you crusty, Dave.

  Dave : I'll convince her! She'll see the truth.

  Stoney : The truth is bro, life's about greasing the 'do back, buddy, and wheezin' on the buff-fest, man. High school was interesting, alright? It was kinda like a harsh ride. Ah, ah...

  Stoney : [howls twice] 

  Stoney : We're going on to bigger and better things, buddy!

  Dave : Stoney, I am on to bigger and better things!

• Dave : Matt Wilson? I mean, what a jerk! What does she see in him, anyway?

  Stoney : Well, he's got the buff spikes chillin' on top of his melon, obviously, right?, - dude, he's checking her cheeks! oh oh! - he's got the serious beak, and his own personal holding company full of fundage, bro, that he weases off of ma... ma...

  Dave : [finishing the phrase]  ... jor.

  Stoney : 18-inch bi's - mine are only 4...

  Dave : ...besides that.

  Stoney : He walks like this, right?.

  [struts in a manly fashion] 

  Stoney : Just like this, right? The nugs fully loose.

• Matt Wilson : [after Matt and his goons have Dave hanging from a bulletin board at school]  Robyn wouldn't piss on your gums if your teeth were on fire.

  Dave : [helplessly]  Yes, she would.

  Matt Wilson : [he and his goons laugh]  SHOOOOOOSH! Hush, please! Showing your ignorance again, Morgan! Some of us pump...

  [the goons fist bump each other] 

  Matt Wilson : and some of us slump. You should try some pump, Morgan. It might clear up your acne.

  Dave : [Matt begins to write on Dave's forehead with a magic marker]  N-no. Stop... stop it!

  Matt Wilson : [Matt's goons laugh as he continues]  Why do you make me do this?

  Dave : What're you writing? Hey! What did you write!

  Dave : [Matt finishes writing "EAT ME" and taps Dave's forehead hard with the marker... he walks to the fire alarm and pulls it]  Matt... NOT THE FIRE ALARM! MATT! MATT!

• Stoney : [a car horn is heard]  Your parents!

  Dave : My parents!

  Link : AHH!

• Dave : Stop! Stop, where did you go? You just took off after school. Do you know how worried I've been?

  Stoney : God, Dave, you sound like my Mom.

  Dave : God, you can't do that to me.

  [looking more closely at Link] 

  Dave : What's on his Nose?

  Stoney : Ya know what, Dave, just Chill, 'cause you know why? Link and I had a Stoney time at the Mountain.

  Dave : You took him to Mega Mountain? Are you crazy?

  Stoney : Yeah, 'cause they're ridin' The Vapor in reverse.

  Dave : They are?

  Stoney : Unh-huh!

  Dave : Oh, cool!

  Link : Check out Fresh Nugs, wheezin' the juice...

  Stoney , Link : [howling together]  Oooooooowwwwww! Bud-dy!

• Dave : He melted...

  Stoney : Dave, it wasn't meant to happen. Come on, I'll go buy you some Ho-Ho's.

• Stoney : Look, Dave, you're gonna have to just mellow out, bro, on this whole Robyn thing, she always shines you.

  Dave : You don't understand; we have history.

  Stoney : Hey, you had history: pre-freshman history. Could've had her back then, man.

  Dave : She hadn't hit babehood yet!

• Stoney : Far too much responsibility for me, anyways, I'm already popular!

  Dave : Yeah, you travel in large groups of one, Stoney.

• Matt Wilson : [Matt bursts in at the prom just as Link is about to be crowned prom king]  WAIT!

  [shoves through the crowd towards the stage] 

  Matt Wilson : WAIT!

  [he shoves Link back] 

  Student Announcing Prom King : What're you trying to do, Matt? Come on, stop it!

  [Matt takes the crown from him and shoves him back as well] 

  Matt Wilson : [takes microphone]  This is our school, right?

  [students murmur in affirmation] 

  Matt Wilson : And we have a right to know if something is bogus that's going down in our school, right?

  [the murmurs continue, he points to Link] 

  Matt Wilson : And someone right here has taken you for a ride!

  [Link grabs Matt's finger, Matt yanks it away] 

  Matt Wilson : His name isn't Linkavitch Chumovsky and he's not from Estonia.

  Robyn Sweeney : Matt, will you just stop this already!

  Matt Wilson : [to Robyn]  SHOOOOOOOSH! Trust me.

  [back to the crowd] 

  Matt Wilson : They've all been lying to us! But I found out... I know the truth. Do you want to know the truth?

  [students shout affirmatively] 

  Matt Wilson : Do YOU want to know what he REALLY IS?

  [students shout affirmitavely again] 

  Matt Wilson : He's a caveman.

  [Link nods and walks forward, smiling... students cheer for him, Matt stares at the crowd in disbelief] 

  Matt Wilson : No... NO! Look... he's a freak! I got pictures!

  Dave : [Dave and Stoney burst in and rush to the stage, Dave tries to take the pictures from Matt, the cheers continue]  NO!

  Matt Wilson : [waving pictures]  SEE?

  Dave : Let me see them! Give me those pictures! Matt give me those!

  Matt Wilson : [punches Dave]  No!

  Robyn Sweeney : Dave!