Webb Wilder: Webb Wilder, Mr. Frye

Quotes 

• Webb Wilder : [rating Briley's art film SLUG TRAIL]  I gave it a thumb up; Travis only offered a finger.

• Webb Wilder : Two and a half hours a Tarkovsky rip-off, 'Bones in the Kudzu' left me feeling visually stimulated, but cold. The second opus, 'SlugTrail', seemed to be a breakthrough; a veritable feast of texture and nuance, the artiface of technique gave way to richer subtleties of character and metaphor. I gave it a thumb up. Travis only offered a finger.

• Governor : Webb, what do you know about the motion picture business?

  Webb Wilder : A little.

  Carlsbad Devereaux : What's to know? It's run by more of the same Helen Kellers that run the country music industry; they couldn't hear a chainsaw, much less a hit. I doubt if they could see one either.

  Governor : Well, the state's making a new driver's ed' movie. Hopefully one that'll be more relevant to modern rural teens, you know, the 'muscle car, street sign shootin' set'.

  Webb Wilder : Now, we've all been down that road.

  Governor : Well it's not like there aint a need for it, and I'm bound and determined it'll the attention of the little asphalt happy bastards.

• Dr. Barbara Slovine : You were quite the diplomat at the task force screening today, Webb. I'm surprised by your appreciation of the significance of Briley's work.

  Webb Wilder : I'm kinda' surprised myself... Well, Picasso was a rude twerp too, but he painted some pretty pictures.

  Dr. Barbara Slovine : Yeah, but he also said there are two kinds of women; goddesses and doormats.

  Webb Wilder : Well he's obviously never been to music city before. Even the ugly women are good lookin' here, and you Dr. Barbara, you sure as Hell aint no doormat.

  Dr. Barbara Slovine : I'm glad you still think so.

• Webb Wilder : What's the matter brother? Somebody badmouth Earnest Tubb or somethin'?

  Special Agent Travis Byrd : Worse! It's bad enough to have some Hairball run down Elvis, I'm just about shit sick of Elvis jokes, but that he's gonna be blowin' a reefer in my face while he's doin' it!

  Webb Wilder : Let it go, let it go. I know this one Travis. It's a misdemeanor. Hairball won't do it anymore, will ya' Hairball? Now if it wasn't for fat ol' dead Elvis Presley, none o' y'all ever would've heard of Jimmy Hendrix, or Peter & Gabrial, or Dell Whitney Shane or whoever the Hell it is that floats your boat!

• Arvid : Road block, Webb.

  Webb Wilder : Not again.

  Arvid : I told ya', you get you one o' them cellulite telephones, we wouldn't be havin' all these roadside beat and greet sessions.

  Webb Wilder : Aw, don't get your panties in a wad.

• Governor : You're the only man I know that somehow maintains the respect & admiration reckless teens *and* the Highway Patrol. You know the entertainment monkey business Webb, and you could interface with the Legion of State Task Forces with their pitiful self interests exposed in a film such as this.

  Webb Wilder : Sounds about as fun as a root canal.

• Mr. Frye : The classroom is a very fragile environment. Pedagogical intercourse, mishandled, may often result in premature fissure in the learning process. I submit that the warped, satanic, hallucinogenic images conjured up by Mr. Briley Parkway constitute just the sort of subversive messages that both shatter the learning environment, and pervert the original intent of the film.

• Webb Wilder : [after watching a sample clip of Briley's Driver's Education film]  That looked like it hurt.

  Special Agent Travis Byrd : [holds up a model of a severed human head]  It's at this point in the movie Briley wants this thrown into the audience.

  [tosses it to Webb] 

  Webb Wilder : Cute Trick.

  Mr. Frye : Dismemberment is not cute!

  Briley Parkway : No, it's disgusting Mr. Frye. Something you know quite a lot about. However, it's also effective, which I guess remains more of a mystery.

  Mr. Frye : You vapid, shallow, narcissistic, congenitally misinformed, moronic, Napoleonic fop!

• Webb Wilder : There's things I stand for, and things I won't stand for. Briley here's just doin' his thing. You're just diddlin' with yours.

• Webb Wilder : Travis Byrd, the only undercover highway patrolman in the whole Volunteer State. Cool as an October breeze. The guy out there on the knuckle end of the long arm of the law.