The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

Jerry Nelson: Tiny Tim Cratchit, Jacob Marley, Ghost of Christmas Present, Lew Zealand, Ma Bear, Mouse, Mr. Applegate, Penguin, Pig Gentleman, Pops, Rat

Photos 

Quotes 

• Fozziwig : My speech! Here's my Christmas speech. Ahem. "Thank you all, and Merry Christmas."

  Jacob Marley : That was the speech?

  Robert Marley : It was dumb!

  Jacob Marley : It was obvious!

  Robert Marley : It was pointless!

  Jacob Marley : It was... short!

  [turns to Robert] 

  Jacob Marley , Robert Marley : I loved it!

• Robert Marley : We were always heckling you.

  Jacob Marley : It's good to be heckling again.

  Robert Marley : It's good to be doing anything again.

• Jacob Marley : Why do you doubt your own senses?

  Ebenezer Scrooge : Because a little thing can affect them. A slight disorder of the stomach can make them cheat. You may be a bit of undigested beef, a blob of mustard, a crumb of cheese. Yes. There's more of gravy than of grave about you.

  Robert Marley : More of gravy than of grave?

  Jacob Marley : What a terrible pun. Where do you get these jokes?

  Robert Marley : Leave comedy to the bears, Ebenezer.

• Jacob Marley , Robert Marley : We're Marley and Marley.

  [ghostly wailing] 

  Jacob Marley , Robert Marley : We're Marley and Marley.

  [wailing] 

  Jacob Marley , Robert Marley : We're Marley and Marley.

  [wailing] 

  Jacob Marley , Robert Marley : Change!

• Fozziwig : Welcome to Fozziwig and Mom's Annual Christmas Party. At this time in the proceedings, it is a tradition for me to make a little speech.

  Jacob Marley : And it's a tradition for us to take a little nap!

• Ebenezer Scrooge : This is Bob Crachit's house?

  Ghost of Christmas Present : How do you know that?

  Ebenezer Scrooge : You just told me.

  Ghost of Christmas Present : Well, I'm *usually* trustworthy.

• Ebenezer Scrooge : I don't think I've ever met anybody like you before.

  Ghost of Christmas Present : Really? Over 1800 of my brothers have come before me!

  Ebenezer Scrooge : 1800? Imagine the grocery bills!

• Robert Marley : You will be haunted by three spirits.

  Ebenezer Scrooge : Haunted? I've already had enough of that.

  Jacob Marley : Without these visits, you cannot hope to avoid the path we tread.

  Robert Marley : Expect the first ghost tonight, when the bell tolls one!

  Ebenezer Scrooge : Can't I meet them all at once and get it over with?

• Robert Marley : Look, it's Ebeneezer Scrooge!

  Jacob Marley : Looking older and more wicked than ever.

  Robert Marley : I knew he wouldn't disappoint us!

• Ebenezer Scrooge : You're a little absent-minded, spirit.

  Ghost of Christmas Present : No, I'm a LARGE absent-minded spirit!

• Pig Gentleman : Ah. Well, it was a fine meal.

  Pig Gentleman : Yes, it was, wasn't it? Yes, what should we do now?

  Pig Gentleman : Let's have, uh... lunch.

  Pig Gentleman : Oh, good idea.

• Ghost of Christmas Present : Have you ever noticed that everything seems wonderful at Christmas?

  Ebenezer Scrooge : Uh, in all honesty, spirit, no. Perhaps I-I've never understood about Christmas.

  Ghost of Christmas Present : Before this day is done, you *will* understand. Oh...

  Rizzo the Rat : Oh, no! Oh, no!

  [he screams as the Ghost opens the window, knocking him and Gonzo off the ledge] 

  Ghost of Christmas Present : Ah. We shall go out into the world.

  Rizzo the Rat : [Gonzo laughs]  I suppose you enjoyed that?

  Gonzo : Of course.

• Kermit the Frog : It only seems right that I should lift a glass to my employer. I give you Mr. Scrooge, the founder of the feast.

  Miss Piggy : The founder of the feast, indeed!

  Betina Cratchit , Belinda Cratchit : Huh!

  Miss Piggy : If I had him here, I would give him a piece of my mind to feast upon. And I bet he would choke on it. Hmm!

  Betina Cratchit , Belinda Cratchit : Choke!

  Kermit the Frog : My dear, the-the children, Christmas Day.

  Miss Piggy : Oh, uh... w-well, I-I suppose that on the blessed day of Christmas, one must drink to the health of, uh, Mr. Scrooge, even though he is odious.

  Betina Cratchit , Belinda Cratchit : Mm-hmm!

  Miss Piggy : Stingy.

  Betina Cratchit , Belinda Cratchit : Mm-hmm!

  Miss Piggy : Wicked.

  Betina Cratchit , Belinda Cratchit : Mm-hmm!

  Miss Piggy : And unfeeling.

  Betina Cratchit , Belinda Cratchit : Mm-hmm!

  Miss Piggy : And badly dressed.

  [Belina and Betina gasp] 

  Tiny Tim Cratchit : To the founder of the feast, Mr. Scrooge!

  Miss Piggy : [reluctantly]  Ah, to Mr. Scrooge, he'll be very merry and happy this day, I have no doubt.

  Betina Cratchit , Belinda Cratchit : No doubt.

  Kermit the Frog : Hmm. Cheers.

• Miss Piggy : [Bob and Tiny Tim return home]  How was he at church?

  Kermit the Frog : Oh, as good as gold and better. He told me that he hoped the people saw him in church because it might be pleasant for them to remember upon Christmas Day who made lame beggars walk and blind men see.

  Ebenezer Scrooge : A remarkable child.

  Gonzo : And with that, the Cratchits came to what was surely the happiest single moment in all the livelong year.

  Ebenezer Scrooge : Such a meager feast.

  Ghost of Christmas Present : But very much appreciated.

• Ebenezer Scrooge : Why do you come to me?

  Jacob Marley , Robert Marley : [singing]  We're Marley and Marley/Avarice and greed.

  Jacob Marley : We took advantage of the poor, just ignored the needy.

  Jacob Marley , Robert Marley : We specialized in causing pain, spreading fear and doubt.

  Robert Marley : And if you could not pay the rent, we simply threw you out!

  [spoken] 

  Robert Marley : There was the year we evicted the entire orphanage.

  Jacob Marley : Hmm, I remember the little tykes all standing in the snowbank.

  Robert Marley : With their little frostbitten teddy bears.

  [they laugh, then shudder] 

  Jacob Marley , Robert Marley : [singing]  We're Marley and Marley/Our hearts were painted black.

  Jacob Marley : We should have known our evil deeds/Would put us both in shackles.

  Jacob Marley , Robert Marley : Captive, bound, we're double-ironed/Exhausted by the weight.

  Jacob Marley : As freedom comes from giving love...

  Robert Marley : ...So prison comes with hate.

  Jacob Marley , Robert Marley : We're Marley and Marley.

  [eerie ghost noises] 

  Jacob Marley , Robert Marley : We're Marley and Marley.

  Ebenezer Scrooge : But my friends, you were not unfeeling towards your fellow men.

  Robert Marley : True, there was something about mankind we loved.

  Jacob Marley : I think it was their money.

• Jacob Marley , Robert Marley : Doomed, Scrooge/You're doomed for all time.

  Robert Marley : Your future is a horror story/Written by your crime.

  Jacob Marley , Robert Marley : Your chains are forged/By what you say and do/So have your fun when life is done/A nightmare waits for you.

  Ebenezer Scrooge : Why these terrible chains?

  Jacob Marley , Robert Marley : Oh!

  Robert Marley : The chains!

  Jacob Marley : We forged these chains in life by our acts of greed.

  Robert Marley : You wear such a chain yourself.

  Ebenezer Scrooge : Humbug! Speak comfort to me, friends.

• Ebenezer Scrooge : Spirit, do you grow old?

  Ghost of Christmas Present : [chuckles]  I do!

  Ebenezer Scrooge : Are spirits' lives so short?

  Ghost of Christmas Present : [sits down]  My time upon this globe is very brief. I believe it will end upon the stroke of twelve.

  Rizzo the Rat : [with Gonzo, ringing a nearby bell]  One.

  Ebenezer Scrooge : [notices this]  Now? But spirit, I have learned so much from you.

  Rizzo the Rat : [continues tolling the bell]  Three! Four!

  Gonzo : [narrates]  Nothing Scrooge could do or say could stop the relentless march of those terrible bells.

  Rizzo the Rat : Five!

  Ebenezer Scrooge : Oh, spirit, do not leave me.

  Rizzo the Rat : Six!

  Ghost of Christmas Present : [begins to fade away]  I think... I must, in fact.

  Ebenezer Scrooge : You have meant so much to me. You have changed me!

  Ghost of Christmas Present : And now, I leave you with the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.

  Ebenezer Scrooge : You mean... the future?

  Ghost of Christmas Present : [continues fading]  Mmm...

  Ebenezer Scrooge : Must I?

  Rizzo the Rat : [continues tolling]  Eleven!

  Ghost of Christmas Present : Go forth! And know him better, man!

  Ghost of Christmas Present : [the tolling strikes twelve, fades away, echoes]  Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

• Tiny Tim Cratchit : God bless us, everyone.

  [singing] 

  Tiny Tim Cratchit : Life is full of sweet surprises/Every day's a gift/The sun comes up/And I can feel it lift my spirit/Fills me up with laughter/Fills me up with song/I look into the eyes of love/And know that I belong/Bless us all/Who gather here.

  Miss Piggy , Tiny Tim Cratchit : The loving family I hold dear.

  Kermit the Frog , Tiny Tim Cratchit : No place on Earth/Compares with home/And every path will bring me back from where I roam.

  Kermit the Frog , Miss Piggy , Peter Cratchit , Betina Cratchit , Belinda Cratchit , Tiny Tim Cratchit : Bless us all/That as we live/We always comfort and forgive.

  Kermit the Frog , Tiny Tim Cratchit : We have so much/That we can share.

  Tiny Tim Cratchit : With those in need we see around us everywhere/Let us always...

  Kermit the Frog , Miss Piggy , Peter Cratchit , Betina Cratchit , Belinda Cratchit , Tiny Tim Cratchit : Love each other.

  Tiny Tim Cratchit : Lead us to the light/Let us hear...

  Kermit the Frog , Miss Piggy , Peter Cratchit , Betina Cratchit , Belinda Cratchit , Tiny Tim Cratchit : The voice of reason.

  Tiny Tim Cratchit : Singing in the night.

  Kermit the Frog : Let us run from anger.

  Miss Piggy : And catch us when we fall.

  Tiny Tim Cratchit : Teach us in our dreams/And please, yes, please...

  Kermit the Frog , Miss Piggy , Peter Cratchit , Betina Cratchit , Belinda Cratchit , Tiny Tim Cratchit : Bless us one and all.

  Tiny Tim Cratchit : Bless us all/With playful years/With noisy games and joyful tears.

  Kermit the Frog , Miss Piggy , Peter Cratchit , Betina Cratchit , Belinda Cratchit , Tiny Tim Cratchit : We reach for you/And we stand tall.

  Kermit the Frog : And in our prayers and dreams, we ask you, bless us all.

  Tiny Tim Cratchit : We reach for you/And we stand tall/And in our prayers and dreams, we ask you, bless us all.

• Ghost of Christmas Present : [singing]  It's in the singing of a street corner choir/It's going home and getting warm by the fire/It's true wherever you find love, it feels like Christmas.

  [joined by various other Muppet characters] 

  Ghost of Christmas Present : A cup of kindness that we share with another/A sweet reunion with a friend or a brother/In all the places you find love/It feels like Christmas/It is the season of the heart/A special time of caring/The ways of love made clear/And it is the season of the spirit/The message if we hear it/Is make it last all year.

• Gonzo : And Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all and infinitely more!

  Rizzo the Rat : And, uh, Tiny Tim?

  Gonzo : And to Tiny Tim, who did *not* die...

  Rizzo the Rat : Aw, isn't that swell!

  Gonzo : To Tiny Tim, Scrooge became a second father. He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good as a man as the good old city ever had. And it was always said of him that he knew how to keep Christmas well if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that truly be said of us, and all of us! And as Tiny Tim observed...

  Tiny Tim Cratchit : God Bless Us!

  Ebenezer Scrooge : God Bless Us Every One!

• Lew Zealand : Boomerang fish! Guaranteed fresh! Throw the fish A-WAY... and it comes back to me! Get 'em while they're fresh!

• Ebenezer Scrooge : Spirit, tell me if Tiny Tim will live.

  Ghost of Christmas Present : That is the future. My realm is the present. However, I see a vacant seat by the chimney corner and a crutch without an owner. If these shadows remain unaltered, I believe the child will die. But, what then? If he's going to die, he'd better do it and decrease the surplus population.

• [Scrooge towers over Mr. Applegate, who gulps] 

  Ebenezer Scrooge : Bob Cratchit?

  Kermit the Frog : Yes, Mr. Scrooge?

  Ebenezer Scrooge : [points with his cane]  Who is this?

  Kermit the Frog : It's Mr. Applegate, sir. He's here to speak to you about his... mortgage.

  Mr. Applegate : Please, Mr. Scrooge, I know you're *very* angry about this.

  [Scrooge walks into his office and takes off his coat and hat] 

  Mr. Applegate : And I didn't mean to fall behind in the payments, Lord knows it, being Christmas and all. Oh, *please* don't shout at me, sir. That, and, of course, little Gwen. Her lungs aren't right. The doctor takes his share, don't he? I mean, you can yell and scream in your right, but it won't do no good...

  [Scrooge grabs him] 

  Mr. Applegate : ... because I'm the stone you can't squeeze blood from...

  [Scrooge opens the door and throws him out] 

  Mr. Applegate : ... and that's the *truth*! Thank you for not shouting at me!

  [Scrooge slams the door shut]