Double, Double Toil and Trouble (1993 TV Movie)

Babs Chula: Madame Lulu

Quotes 

• Customer : So exactly when does this beautiful woman fall in love with me?

  Madame Lulu : Any day now darling. Any day now.

  Mr. N : Madame Lulu.

  Madame Lulu : [Looking for the next customer]  Next.

  Mr. N : Madame Lulu, can I have a word with you?

  Madame Lulu : Please, not to stand in the way of the paying customers. Next.

  Mr. N : Uh, Lulu, these young ladies need some advice.

  Madame Lulu : Do you have $5?

  [the twins shake their heads no] 

  Madame Lulu : Next.

  Mr. N : Lulu, how would you like for me to tell these nice people that you're not from Romania at all, but you're from Brooklyn?

  Madame Lulu : How would you like me to tell these little girls that the closest you ever been to Buckingham Palace is a royal flush?

  Mr. N : Oh ha ha ha!

  Madame Lulu : All right, make it fast.

  Mr. N : These young ladies have an aunt who's going to some sort of witches' gathering tonight, and I thought since these loonies come to you, you may have an idea where they're getting together.

  Madame Lulu : I have no idea, next!

  Kelly Farmer : But can't you look into your crystal ball?

  Madame Lulu : What are you, nuts?

  Lynn Farmer : What are you, a phony baloney?

  Madame Lulu : [Feeling called out]  All right. All right.

  [Pretends to look into the future] 

  Madame Lulu : Yes! The vision is coming to me now. I see a gathering high on a mountaintops where owls call. Hoo! Hoo! OK? Now beat it.

  Lynn Farmer : Well, can't you be more specific, like how you get there?

  Madame Lulu : What, for a $5 IOU, you want a city map?

  [Lynn rotates her wand, causing the crystal ball to actually work, Lulu gasps] 

  Madame Lulu : What'd she do to my crystal ball? What's going on?

  Mr. N : Hey, I recognize that joint! The gathering must be down at the old abandoned warehouse district.

  Kelly Farmer : On Halloween?

  Mr. N : Hey, that's really good, Lulu. And all this time I thought you were just a fake.

  [Madame Lulu faints] 

  Kelly Farmer : Has she been doing this for very long?