Wayne's World 2 (1993)
Mike Myers: Wayne Campbell
Photos
Quotes
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Wayne : [enters gas station] Where's the First Presbyterian Church on Gordon Street?
Bad Actor : Uh...
Wayne : Gordon Street, Gordon Street!
Bad Actor : Uh, Gordon Street! Oh yeah, Gordon Street! Uh, I once knew a girl who lived on Gordon Street. But that was a long time ago. When I was young.
Wayne : [looks at camera] Do we have to put up with this? I mean, can't we get a better actor? I know it's a small part, but I think we can do better than this.
[person from set crew comes in and replaces actor with another one]
Good Actor : Gordon Street? Ah, yes, Gordon Street. I once knew a girl who lived on Gordon Street. Long time ago, when I was a young man. Not a day passes I don't think her and the promise that I made which I will always keep. That one perfect day on Gordon Street. That's uh, five blocks up, two over.
Wayne : [choking back tears] Thank you.
[jumps in car and drives away]
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Wayne : [trying to avoid mentioning Jerry Segel's albino right-eye] We'll just take these home, run them over with a fine tooth comb, cross the "t"s and dot the... lower case "j"s.
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Jerry Segel : What? Is something wrong?
Wayne : What do you mean?
Jerry Segel : It's my eye, isn't it.
Garth : Why would we want to look at your eye? Is there something wrong with that... weird... eye?
Jerry Segel : There's nothing wrong with my eye. This one just has no pigment. I'm what you call a partial ocular albino, but I'm fine with it. I have perfect 20/20 vision with both eyes. You're serious about putting on a rock concert?
Wayne : Are you kidding? I'd give my right eye.
Jerry Segel : You realise there are certain jurisdictions you'll need to follow.
Garth : I'd like to think I have an eye for details.
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Wayne : Hi, uh we're here to see Handsome Dan. My name is Wayne Campbell
Bjergen Kjergen : Yah, I know. We've been expecting you, Vane Campbell. I am Bjergen Kjargen.
Wayne : Wow I love your accent, where are you from?
Bjergen Kjergen : I am from Sveden.
Wayne : Oh really? Whereabouts in Sweden?
Bjergen Kjergen : Kneurgen, near the Joergen Fjords.
Wayne : Well, nice to meet you, Bjergen Kjargen, from Kneurgen, near the Joergen Fjords. Hmm. Kneurgen, that's in the Klargen Province, near the Biburgen River.
Bjergen Kjergen : Yah hah.
Wayne : Now correct me if I'm wrong. Your annual rainfall varies from about 40 inches in the winter to about 200 inches in the summer, and your chief export is modular furniature. I did a report on Sweden in the eighth grade.
Bjergen Kjergen : Well I am impressed with your quest for knowledge. Educated men are rare.
Wayne : It was really hard, I stayed all night on it. Then the next day, in gym class I was on the minitramp and I got diarrhea. I really wish I hadn't told you that.
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Wayne , Garth : We're not worthy! We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
Steven Tyler : You're worthy, you're worthy. Get up!
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Del Preston : Did he have a naked Indian?
Wayne : Yes.
Garth : Wow.
Del Preston : I have to ask, didn't you think it was a trifle unnecessary to see the crack in the indians bottom.
Wayne : Yes, absolutely
Del Preston : I had the same dream.
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Wayne : I can't believe Paramount is spending the money to fly us to England. I would have thought they would just use two doubles.
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Del Preston : Woodstock? That was quite a show, man.
Garth : You were at Woodstock?
Wayne : Excellent! What was it like?
Del Preston : It rained all morning, and then it cleared up in the afternoon. And that's it, I almost remembered something else, but it's gone.
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Wayne : Okay, you've probably already noticed by now that we're on a little early tonight.
Garth : Usually at this time on Aurora cable, you're watching "Plant World".
Wayne : But they didn't want our 10:30 time slot. But we were able to talk "Plant World" into changing with "Cooking World".
Garth : Although they didn't want to change at first.
Wayne : But fortunately, "White Supremacy World" was cancelled, and all the trades worked out
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Wayne : Jim, why was I supposed to put on this concert?
Jim : Because you had to learn that it doesn't matter what you do, Cassandra loves you for who you are and that, being an adult means facing resposibility yet still taking the time to have fun.
Wayne : Right, its like coming home on Friday night and doing your homework right away so that your Saturday night is free to just party.
Jim : No I like the way I said it better.
Wayne : OK.
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Cassandra : Ah, Wayne, I would like you to meet my father, Mr. Wong.
Jeff Wong : Please meet you acquaintance, Wayne Campbell.
Wayne : [in Cantonese, subtitled] Allow me to speak your native tongue, Mr. Wong.
Jeff Wong : You speak Cantonese very well, but please, call me Jeff.
Wayne : Very well... *Jeff*.
Jeff Wong : Wayne, I will be blunt. I do not want my daughter involved with a man whose life has no direction.
Cassandra : Father, please...
Jeff Wong : Quiet. Adult speaking.
Wayne : With all due respect, *Jeff*, in our culture, women are allowed to make their own decisions.
Jeff Wong : How dare you speak to me in such an insolent tone! You have left me no choice but to fight you.
Wayne : If we were to fight, I think it would better if we were dubbed and not in subtitles.
[Jeff is now dubbed with a gravelly American accent, and his dialogue is out of sync with his lip movements]
Jeff Wong : Very well. If that is your custom... prepare to die!
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Cassandra : Wait, let me show you what I got at a garage sale.
Wayne : What'cha got?
Cassandra : Isn't that great? You've heard it?
Wayne : Exqueese me? Have I seen this one before? "Frampton Comes Alive"? Everybody in the world has Frampton Comes Alive. If you lived in the suburbs you were issued it. It came in the mail with samples of "Tide".
Cassandra : Look at this old one. Gerry and the Pacemakers.
Wayne : Wow. That is old. You know, I bet those guys actually have pacemakers by now.
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Wayne : Excuse me, what are you guys doing here in the middle of the street?
Chicken-man : Well, I'm putting these chickens in crates, and stacking them right here. Jim's job is to make sure we always have plenty of watermelons.
Wayne : Oh, so you're selling watermelons.
Jim : No, no sir. We just have to make sure we have plenty of them stacked at all times, just like with these here chickens.
Garth : What do these guys do?
Chicken-man : Well, their job is to walk back and forth with this big plate-glass window every couple of minutes.
Garth : Weird.
Wayne : Yeah, you've got to wonder if this is gonna pay off later on.
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Wayne : Oh! Come on! Do you think I'm a gulla-bull? Or even a gulla-calf?
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Cassandra : You know, I haven't seen Garth in a while. What's he up to?
Wayne : Oh, Garth's doing his laundry.
Cassandra : Too bad he doesn't have a girlfriend to do HIS laundry.
Wayne : Oh yeah; thanks for doing my laundry. Hey Cassandra, how do you get my clothes so white and fresh-smelling?
Cassandra : It's an age-old Cantonese family method that very few people know about.
Wayne : Ahh... Wait a minute... Calgon? Ancient Chinese secret, huh?
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Wayne : You can see him?
Rip Taylor : Well, of course! I mean, how are you gonna miss a half-naked Indian?
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Garth : Wow. Look at this scrapbook.
Wayne : Wow!
Garth : That's you with Led Zeppelin.
Del Preston : Yeh. My old lady put that together. We must've toured every concert hall and venue in America. Me, my old lady, and the road.
Wayne : Is that you and Bob Dylan? Who's that old lady?
Del Preston : That's my old lady.
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Wayne : You're not really listening to me, are you?
Handsome Dan : Uh-huh.
Wayne : I mean I could say anything right now like "You're a complete tool".
Handsome Dan : Mmm-hmm.
Garth : But you wouldn't hear it cause... you're a freak with a microphone.
Handsome Dan : Uh-huh.
Wayne : It's not even challenging anymore. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. Isn't that true, sphincter boy?
Handsome Dan : Uh-huh. What? Oh! Hahaha! They're getting closer all the time. Alright, good information about Waynestock, very exciting. We'll be back with more right after PIG Sports. Right now, it's sixteen minutes past the big hour. Isn't that right, Mr. Scream?
Mr. Scream : Heeeeeeeey ha-haaaaaaaaaah!
Handsome Dan : Great. Good stuff. I think people are getting really cranked.
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Wayne : What I'd really like to do is something extraordinary. Something big. Something mega. Something copious. Something capacious. Something cajunga! But I'll probably end up working at Great America, mopping up hurl and lung butter.
