- Dressmaker: We dressmakers have a very strict code, so I need to know. Do you deserve to wear virginial white? Because if you don't, you'll have to wear an off white, what we call a "hussy white". So which will it be? White white?
- Margo Sherman: Yes... um, except for the gloves.
- Theater Clerk: Excuse me, the show's over.
- Alice Tompkins: Get away, pipsqueak!
- Jay Sherman: That's why I love her!
- Jay Sherman: Celebrity voices are impersonated. No celebrities were harmed in the filming of this episode.
- Jay Sherman: [Driving a truck] I've got to keep driving, I can't stop for anything!
- Roadside Farmer: Meet Ingmar Bergman, 25 cents!
- Jay Sherman: [Disappointed] Oh...
- [Keeps on driving]
- Roadside Farmer: [to Bergman] Well, you'd best get back to the strawberry patch with Polanski and Bertolucci.
- Alice Thompkins: Listen to your heart.
- Jay Sherman: Everybody always says that.
- Jay's Stomach: Nobody ever listens to me!