Canadian Bacon (1995)

Kevin Pollak: Stu Smiley

Photos 

Quotes 

• U.S. President : The American people, Mr. Smiley, would never ever buy this.

  Smiley : Mr. President, the American people will buy whatever we tell them to.

• U.S. President : You sold control of American missiles to a foreign country?

  R.J. Hacker, President of Hacker Dynamics : If you can call Canada foreign.

  Smiley : Or a country.

• Smiley : When have you ever heard anyone say, "Honey, lets stay in and order Canadian food"?

• General Panzer : Why don't we just go up there with a strike force and knock out their infrastructure quicker than you can say collateral damage?

  Smiley : No!

  U.S. President : Oh no, no.

  General Panzer : Why not?

  U.S. President : Yeah, yeah, why not?

  Smiley : Because a war with Canada would be over in a matter of days. Do you remember Grenada? They didn't even wake Reagan up.

  General Panzer : Didn't have to.

  Smiley : And all we found there were a bunch of rich American med school rejects and a couple Cuban construction workers

  General Panzer : That's liberal bullshit! Cuba had a division in there.

  Smiley : What about Panama? A couple of days of blasting Def Leppard over loud speakers and Noriega ran out weeping. And Iraq, ha! They were supposed to have this big bad army.

  General Panzer : They had the biggest cannon, invented by a Canadian.

  Smiley : In 72 hours after we invade they're begging for a Big Mack.

  General Panzer : They stopped us a hundred miles short of Baghdad and we just sat there waving our dicks in the desert.

  Smiley : Mr. President do you want more of that, or 50 years of Cold War prosperity because Joe Schmo American is scared shitless the world's gonna end before the next commercial.

  U.S. President : Well, I think I like Mr. Smiley's approach.

• Smiley : How do you know that was a nuclear facility?

  General Panzer : Well, they tricked us on that one. That's a hospital. But it's a hell of a strike!