In the Army Now (1994)

Andy Dick: Jack Kaufman

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bones : [Jack and Bones are selling things for a camel. Bones takes Jacks watch]  How about this watch?

  Jack : No, not the watch. It has a compass.

  Bones : ...it has a compass? You mean to tell me that we have been out in this desert for three days and you had a compass the entire time? Ooooh, Jack. You're going to get a lot of noogies for this.

  Jack : I forgot.

  Bones : Yeah? Well now you're going to forget about this watch cause it's gone now!

• Bones : Oh yeah, "Its not a job, it's an adventure."

  Richard Day, Recruiting Sergeant : No, that's the Navy.

  Bones : "The few and the proud?"

  Richard Day, Recruiting Sergeant : No, that's the Marines.

  Bones : "Keep going, going and gone?"

  Jack : No, that's the Energizer Bunny.

  Richard Day, Recruiting Sergeant : Gentlemen, we're "Be all you can be"

  Bones : In the Arrrmy!

• 1st Sgt. Brandon T. Williams : I am First Sergeant Brandon T. Williams. It is my intention to run this company like a clock. If one gear slips in my clock, my clock'll tell the wrong time. If one spring is loose in my clock, my clock'll tell the wrong time. First Sergeant Williams likes his clock to tell the right time. Do you understand me?

  Other Troops : Yes, First Sergeant!

  Jack : What did he just say?

  Bones : I don't know, something about his clock being broken.

• Bones : Where did the sun go?

  Jack : There is no sun anymore. We died, and this is hell.

  Bones : Oh, ok. Thanks for clearing that up.

• [Bones and Jack see a Special Forces officer trying to assemble a gun very fast. Bones decides to take a flashlight and assemble it fast. The spring flies off and hits Sgt. Stern] 

  Jack : Oh no... that's not good. That's noooot good. Uh-oh... he's coming over...

• [Jack is trying to get the truck out of the sand and is having trouble] 

  Bones : Your sucking too much sand in the air filter! I'M ORDERING YOU!

  Jack : Your ordering me?

  Bones : I'm first class...

  [laughs] 

  Bones : now I'm ordering you!

  Jack : The only reason your first class is cause your brother is a poolman! (Truck makes a poping noise and

• Jack : It's the ocean! it's the ocean!

• [while under fire] 

  Jack : [to Bones]  Tell me about the store again.