A Low Down Dirty Shame (1994)

Andrew Shaifer: Bernard

Quotes 

• Bernard : Yoo-hoo Wayman.

  Wayman : Hey Bernard.

  Shame : Excuse me, who's this?

  Wayman : This is Bernard and what's wrong with you?

  Shame : "The Bernard"?

  Bernard : Yes it's me.

  Shame : Homewrecker. He's with me.

  Wayman : Shame. I can't believe you just.

  Shame : You are my stuff and you know it girl.

  Bernard : Stuff?

  Wayman : Bernard he's lying. Don't believe him.

  Shame : Oh you did not say that last night when we was in bed together girl.

  Bernard : You slept with him? You slut!

  Shame : Save your tears honey you never had a chance. Coffee's good with cream, but better when it's black.

  Bernard : Don't you ever call me again. And for you Mr. Coffee, if you like a little steamed milk with your double expresso, I'm your man.

  Wayman : Bernard I'm sorry. I'll call you.

  Bernard : Shame why did you do that?

  Shame : If you help me find this girl, I'll call and tell him it was a joke.

• Bernard : Calm down.

  Wayman : [on the floor convulsing]  : Oh, no.

  Bernard : Calm down! It's not blood, just wine.

  [Louder] 

  Bernard : And the nominees for best actress in a groovy nightclub drama... Miss Wayman Harrington!

• Bernard : [after Shame lies about him and Wayman]  He's lying! Don't believe him, Bernard. Don't believe him.

  Shame : Oh, you didn't say that last night when we was in bed together, girl!

  Bernard : You *slept* with him? You *slut*!

  [slaps Wayman senseless] 

  Wayman : Bernard?

  Shame : Save your tears, honey, you never had a chance! Coffee's good with cream but better when it's black!

  Bernard : Don't you ever, *ever* call me again. And you "Mr. Coffee", if you like some steamed milk with your double espresso, I'm your man!

  Wayman : Bernard, I'm sorry! I promise I'll call you.

  Bernard : [simultaneously]  Don't sorry me, Wayman!