Major League II (1994)

Charlie Sheen: Rick 'Wild Thing' Vaughn

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Rick Vaughn is pitching to Jack Parkman during practice] 

  Jack Parkman : What do you call that garbage?

  Rick Vaughn : It's my eliminator. I've got another pitch. You get a piece of it, I'll let you name it.

  [Vaughn pitches and Parman hits the ball out of the park] 

  Jack Parkman : I'd, uh, call it the masturbator.

• [Vaughn is lamenting the long home run he gave up in his first game] 

  Rick Vaughn : Oh, yeah? Name one park in America that ball wouldn't have gone out of.

  Nikki Reese : Yellowstone.

• Rube Baker : Hey. Ya know Ricky, breaking up with a girlfriend can be a very painful thing. But it don't have to keep ya down for long. I mean, let me tell ya something from my own personal experience. I've never had a regular girlfriend like you, but I did get kicked in the balls once by a mule. Now, I thought I would be hurting for the rest of my life. But you know what happened the very next week?

  Rick Vaughn : What?

  Rube Baker : My momma died. Hell, after that, I didn't care no more about my balls hurtin'. You see what I'm gettin' at?

• Rick Vaughn : [Tosses baseball up in the air as he lays on the couch]  You think you can help me with my fastball, Doc?

  Psychiatrist : We'll have to deal with some deeper issues first.

  Rick Vaughn : [Continues tossing ball]  I don't have any deeper issues. I like to keep things right on the surface.

  Psychiatrist : [Catches the ball]  Well sometimes there are little surprises. Tell me, Rick. What goes through your mind when you throw your fastball?

  Rick Vaughn : I wonder if it's gonna end up in the catcher's mitt or some guy's den.

  Psychiatrist : Did you used to think this way?

  Rick Vaughn : I didn't used to think at all. It takes a lot out of you, you know?

  Psychiatrist : Well then, Rick, let's get down to it.

  [Closes pad and takes off glasses] 

  Psychiatrist : The real problem here goes back to when you stole that car. You wanted to be caught, didn't you? Punished. Otherwise you wouldn't have thrown the 0 and 2 fastball to Fields when everybody knows he'll chase the 2 strike curveball in the dirt.

  Rick Vaughn : I had already thrown him two curveballs. The second one, he hit 436 feet foul.

  Psychiatrist : Better than 520 feet fair.

• Johnny : [after Taylor signals to the bullpen]  He wants the righty, he wants the Mild Thing, the grab your throat and choke thing.

  Rick Vaughn : Shove it up your ass, lard mouth.

  Johnny : Oh my god, Oh my god!

• Jake Taylor : [after Rube get's hit by a pitch]  Hayes, go run for Rube.

  Willie Mays Hayes : My leg's hurtin'.

  Roger Dorn : [stands up]  I'll run.

  Jake Taylor : [sits Dorn back down]  Rube's hurting worse than you. Now get in there!

  Willie Mays Hayes : [pointing to Vaughn]  If the gutless wonder doesn't have to pitch than why should I have to run?

  Rick Vaughn : [gets up]  Who are you calling a gutless wonder, tin man?

  Willie Mays Hayes : Tin man?

  [gets up limping] 

  Willie Mays Hayes : I got a genuine leg injury here, pal.

  Rick Vaughn : And that limp is the best acting you've done all year.

  [turns around to leave] 

  Willie Mays Hayes : [turns Vaughn around]  Well at least I don't have some cover girl dragging me around by my johnson.

  [Vaughn tackles Hayes as he walks away, starting a brawl] 

• Johnny : He wants the Mild Thing, the grab your throat and choke thing

  Rick Vaughn : Blow it out your ass, lardmouth

  Johnny : [Shocked at seeing Vaughn in classic form]  Oh my God, OH my God!

• Valet : Mr. Vaughn, I thought you were starting tonight.

  Rick Vaughn : I did.

  Valet : Oh, sorry. I didn't tune in until the 2nd inning.

• Jake Taylor : You know, Rick, I may have to use you tomorrow in the late innings. Pitching staff's pretty overworked.

  Rick Vaughn : Yeah. So? I'll be ready.

  Jake Taylor : Ready, huh? Ready to what? Run and hide if the game's on the line?

  Rick Vaughn : I don't get it, Jake. What's your problem?

  Jake Taylor : You're the problem. You used to be the toughest guy on this team. Now you're trying to prop yourself up with the right woman or the right shrink or God knows what else. You want to be a major league pitcher? You have to find something in yourself that yours and nobody else's. You had that once, Rick. And if I were you, I spend the rest of the night trying to find it again. Without it, you're no good to me or the team.

  [Jake leaves] 

  Rick Vaughn : What an asshole. What an amazing asshole. I thought he was my friend. Why is everybody so threatened by me improving myself?

  [Looks in the mirror, sighs] 

  Rick Vaughn : What an asshole.

• Rick Vaughn : [about a pitch he threw and a hitter hit it for a home run]  . I threw him a 87 MPH fastball, and he crushed it. Last year, I averaged 96, now when I reached back it's just not there. I can't believe that I forgotten how to throw heat.

• Jake Taylor : [Seeing Vaughn coming back into the dugout]  Hey, didn't I tell you to go to the bullpen.

  Rick Vaughn : We're down by 10 runs, Jake.

  Jake Taylor : Well you can still get some work in.

  Rick Vaughn : I've had enough of that maniac out there.

  Jake Taylor : [after seeing Rube Baker get hit with a pitch]  Hayes, go run for Rube.

  Willie Mays Hayes : My legs hurtin'.

  Roger Dorn : [Stands up]  I'll run.

  [Jake sits him down] 

  Jake Taylor : Rube's hurting worse than you. Now get in there.

  Willie Mays Hayes : The Gutless Wonder doesn't have to pitch. Why should I have to run?

  Rick Vaughn : Who you calling a Gutless Wonder, Tin Man?

  Willie Mays Hayes : Tin Man? I got genuine leg injury here, pal.

  Rick Vaughn : That limp is the best acting you've done all year.

  Willie Mays Hayes : [Grabs Vaughn by the arm]  Well at least I don't have some Cover Girl dragging me around by my Johnson.

• Jack Parkman : I've got your timing now. I bet you don't have enough hair on your ass to throw me another.

  Rick Vaughn : Well, here it comes, Parkman. The ol' number 1, the Terminator. You get a piece, you can rename it.

• Rebecca Flannery : [On the phone]  Listen, Meg, I'm thinking of coming to LA. I don't know if Rick and I are good for each other right now. I mean, the team is showing signs of life, but his ERA is over 6 and he hasn't got a clue on how to get it back on track. It's depressing. Serious with Vaughn? He's a lot of fun, but I need someone with a little more class.

  [Finds Rick waiting downstairs] 

  Rick Vaughn : My shrink was sick.

• Rebecca Flannery : You were so wonderful out there, Rick. The General Cereals reps are here.

  Suit #1 : Great game, Rick. We'd like to offer you a 3 year...

  Rick Vaughn : Sorry, fellas, but you got the wrong guy. I'm sure you make a great cereal, but I like my hair the way it is. I don't get up in time to eat breakfast anyway.

  Rebecca Flannery : Rick, what are you saying?

  Rick Vaughn : You're a great gal, Flannery. Much too good for me. Take a hike.

• Rick Vaughn : [Parkman visits Vaughn at the mound after Vaughn gives up three straight hits]  What?

  Jack Parkman : WHAT? They're hammering the slow crap. Think your arm can handle the strain of throwing this guy a fastball?

  Rick Vaughn : Look, I'll throw it, you just make sure you catch it.

  Jack Parkman : I will if it ever gets to me.

• Valet : Mr. Vaughn! I thought you were starting tonight?

  Rick Vaughn : I did...

  Valet : Oh, sorry... I didn't turn it on until the 2nd inning.