The Stöned Age (1994)

Bradford Tatum: Hubbs

Photos 

Quotes 

• Hubbs : Every band puts out at least one pussy song so they can find out who the faggots are!

• Hubbs : Hey Tack, we'll trade you this half-joint of burlsense bud for the chicks.

  Tack : Fucking skank weed, man.

  Hubbs : Ok. How about we give you this entire bottle of the Schnappster, you tell us where the chicks are?

  Tack : That shit makes me hork.

  Hubbs : Come on, this will get six fat chicks all William Holden-style fucked up.

  Tack : [contemplates it for a second]  Fuck that!

• Hubbs : If it wasn't for you and this fag, me and Joe would be having a tittie-fest right now!

• [Crump's brother is kicking down the door and Joe and Hubbs run to hide in the kitchen] 

  Hubbs : Oh man... Crump's brother is going to kick our ass bad. But it was worth it, eh dude? That chick was rad.

  Joe : Uh... yeah, man.

  Hubbs : What? You blew it? You didn't go for it?

  [Joe looks away] 

  Hubbs : I should kick your ass myself.

• Joe : Shit! My Tape! This fuckin' machine just scarfed my tape!

  Hubbs : Big shit, man, put in another.

  [Don't fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult begins playing] 

  Hubbs : What the fuck is that?

  Joe : It's "Don't fear the Reaper", man.

  Hubbs : Hey, you're not playin' that pussy shit in the Blue Torpedo, man. I told you!

  Joe : It's Blue Oyster Cult.

  Hubbs : I don't give a fuck if it's Blue Oyster Cult, man. It's a pussy song!

  Joe : If it's B.O.C., how can it be pussy?

  Hubbs : Lemme' tell you something, every band puts out at least one pussy song so they can find out who the faggots are. Now, take it out!

  Joe : Fuck you, man!

  Hubbs : Fuck me?

  [slaps Joe in the chest and puts him in a head lock] 

  Joe : OW!

  Hubbs : It's a pussy song! Say it! It's a pussy song, huh, faggot? Say it! Say it, it's a pussy song!

  Joe : Okay, it's a pussy song!

  [Joe takes the tape out] 

  Hubbs : I told you it's a pussy song!

• Hubbs : I'd kick his ass if it wasn't for his massive upper body stregnth.

• Joe : It still ain't cool to just worm his chicks, man.

  Hubbs : What the fuck, Joe! Is that fuckin' eyeball lookin' at you again?

• Joe : So you got a plan tonight, or what?

  Hubbs : Fuck yeah, I got a plan, man. I got a radically hellacious plan! First, we get a shitload of tall cans, right? Them, an eight-ball... no... quarter O-Z. Fifth of Jack, just to take the edge off, then we spark up the thick, burlacious ganja-bud, get those chicks all horn-dogged out.

  Joe : Hubbs, man, we're just gonna do what we always do. We'll drive around like dumb-fucks, then we're gonna wind up at that Stop 'n Go place, man, eatin' those Renaldo's burritos.

  Hubbs : Shut up, Joe, fag! You go an attitude problem, man!

• Joe : Check it out, man. It's Tack.

  Hubbs : [laughs]  The Tackmeister? That fuckin' pud! Hang a loogie on him!

  Joe : All right.

  [Joe rolls down the window and spits at Tack, hitting Tack square in the jaw] 

  Tack : AW!

  Hubbs : Tack, you cack!

  Tack : Hey, man, I got some chicks!

  Hubbs : [brings car to screeching halt]  Tack's got some chicks?

  Tack : Man, why'd you guys spit at me?

  Hubbs : [slaps Joe on the shoulder]  Joe, fag! You spit on my buddy Tack, man!

  Joe : You fuckin' told me to!

  [Hubbs slaps Joe again] 

• [repeated line] 

  Hubbs : Fuck me?

• Hubbs : Well, you can spend the night at home spanking the monkey with your granpappy but I'm getting laid.

• Buffalo Chick #1 : It's a party.

  Joe : Who's it gonna be, just you chicks?

  Buffalo Chick #1 : Yeah. We could play... submarine.

  Hubbs : Actually ladies we gotta get going.

  Buffalo Chick #2 : Where you going?

  Hubbs : Just cruisin' man.

• Hubbs : Information without transportation equals dick.

• Hubbs : You're going to get your ass kicked over some fatass chick man?

• Hubbs : Ever since you got hit by that laser at that Blue Oyster Cult Show you've been acting like a pussy!

• Joe : Shit man! I gotta get that chic's phone number. How do you spell Weijikowokawitz anyway?

  Hubbs : What are you gonna fucking call her man? That's the whole point. Shes from up north! You never have to see her again! You didnt even pork her, thank god!

  Joe : Hubbs, man. You just dont get it, do you? Man, I was digging on that chic!

  Hubbs : What did she have like a great personality? Ahahaha! You're thinking too much pussy!

• Hubbs : We got chicks! We're gonna fuck'em doggy style and shit on their parents' bed.

• Jill Wajakawakawitz : Who's Crump's brother?

  Hubbs : He's just some dude.

• Hubbs : She's hot for me.

  Joe : Yeah, and you woke up.

  Hubbs : It's obvious.

  Joe : She's so cherry, it hurts.

  Hubbs : Hey, you snooze you lose.

• Lanie : Who the fuck are you.

  Hubbs : I'm Hubbs, and this is my buddy Joe.

  Joe : We heard about a party.

  Lanie : Yeah where did you hear that.

  Joe : Tack.

  Lanie : Who's Tack.

  Hubbs : Just some dude.

  Joe : We heard it from Crump's brother.

  Lanie : You guys got any Blow?

  Joe : No.

  Lanie : Got any Crank?

  Joe : [Shakes his head] 

  Lanie : Got any Luuds?

  [qualuudes a downer] 

  Lanie : Well what kind of party will this be?

  Hubbs : We got alcohol.

  Lanie : What some some...

  Hubbs : We got the schnappster.

  [peppermint schnapps] 

  Lanie : Bitch'in.

  Hubbs : Don't you dig schapsteria.

  Lanie : When I was in seventh grade.

  Hubbs : So what do you drink these days.

  Lanie : Think you can score 151.

  Hubbs : Sure, anything you want babe.

  Lanie : That stuff makes me crazy.

  Hubbs : Yeah we know what you mean.

  Lanie : Don't let me down now boys.