True Lies (1994)

Tom Arnold: Gib

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Quotes 

• Gib : [to Harry]  Same thing happened to me with wife number two, 'member? I have no idea nothing's going on, right? I come home one day and the house is empty, and I mean completely empty. She even took the ice cube trays out of the freezer. What kind of a sick bitch takes the ICE CUBE trays out of the FREEZER?

• [last lines to himself, inside a surveillance van] 

  Gib : You know what? I'm sick of being in the van. You guys are going to be in the van next time. I've been in the van for 15 years, Harry.

• Gib : Women. Can't live with 'em. Can't kill 'em!

• Harry : [holding Simon at the edge of an aquaduct]  Son of a bitch, Did you think you can elude us forever, Carlos, huh?

  Simon : Hey, you got the wrong guy! My name's Simon! Just let me go. There's no need to kill me. I haven't seen your...

  [Harry and Gib remove their masks] 

  Simon : face. No, no, no I didn't see it, I didn't see it!

  [realizes that it is Harry] 

  Simon : Oh, it's you! Hey, you still interested in that 'Vette at all?

  Gib : Hey, Carlos? Game's over. Your career as an international terrorist is well documented.

  Simon : No...

  Gib : -Oh, yeah.

  Simon : No...

  Gib : Oh, yeah!

  Simon : No!

  Gib : OH, YEAH!

  Simon : No, I sell cars! That's all! C'mon, I'm not a terrorist. I'm actually a complete coward, if I ever saw a gun, I'd...

  Harry : [Harry takes his gun out and points it in Simon's face] 

  Simon : [Whining and pleading]  Oh God, no, please don't kill me. I'm not a spy. I'm nothing. I'm navel lint! I have to lie to women to get laid, and I don't score much. I got a little dick, it's pathetic!

  [Harry and Gib gave Simon a weird look, then Simon pees his pants] 

  Simon : Wha, uh, oh God. Would a spy pee himself, huh? Please, I'm not worth a bullet. Oh, mercy sir!

  Harry : [Disgusted]  Get the fuck out of here. Just go, just beat it.

  Simon : No, no, as soon as I turn, you're gonna shoot me! You're gonna shoot me, you're gonna shoot me, you're gonna shoot me!

  Gib : [Gib and Harry get into their van]  Get lost, dipshit.

  [fires a few rounds into the ground near Simon] 

• Simon : [in a Chinese restaurant]  Did you read the papers yesterday?

  Helen Tasker : [whispers]  Yes.

  Simon : Sometimes a story's a mask for a covert operation. See "Two men killed in a restroom and two unidentified men in a running shootout ending at the Marriot."

  Helen Tasker : That was you.

  Harry Tasker : [listening to their conversation with Gib] 

  Simon : You see...

  Harry Tasker : [whispers to Gib]  That was me.

  Simon : You're very good. You recognize my style. You're a natural at this.

  Gib : The guy's a fake, man. He's taking credit for our moves.

  Helen Tasker : What happened?

  Simon : Hardly worth talking about. Two of them won't bother me again.

  Gib : Unbelievable!

  Helen Tasker : You chased one?

  Simon : Something came over me. I just had to nail this guy no matter what the risk. Pretty hairy. I thought he had me a couple of times. But I can't take credit.

  Helen Tasker : Why not?

  Simon : It's the training. It shapes you into a lethal instrument. You react in a microsecond without thinking.

  Gib : [laughing]  I'm startin' to like this guy.

  [Harry gives him a mean look] 

  Gib : [gets serious]  We still gotta kill him. That's a given. You know.

• [to Dana, who's wearing a helmet,] 

  Gib : [as she leaves the kitchen]  Yeah, I remember the first time I got shot out of a cannon.

• Gib : [over radio]  All right twinkle toes, what's your exit strategy?

  Harry : I'm gonna walk right out of the front gate.

  Gib : [over radio]  Ballsy. Stupid but ballsy.

• Harry : [over the radio, riding in the middle of a park]  Make it quick because my horse is getting tired.

  Gib : [over the radio]  Your horse?

• [talking about Harry Tasker's wife, in a car with Simon] 

  Helicopter Pilot : Oh yeah, she's got her head in the guy's lap all right. Yahoo.

  [to Harry Tasker] 

  Gib : Maybe she's sleepy.

• Gib : So your life's in the crapper. So you wife is banging a used car salesman - it's humiliating, I know. But goddamnit, Harry, take it like a man!

• Gib : [in their SUV, following Simon and Helen, arrived at Simon's used car dealership]  The guy is a goddamn used car salesman!

  [amused] 

  Gib : I mean, this just keeps getting better and better!

  [Harry gives him a dirty look] 

  Gib : I'm sorry, Harry, I know this has got to be painful. But you gotta admit, it's pretty damn funny. I mean, if it was just some idiot and not you, you'd be laughing your ass off.

  [starts to laugh] 

• Gib : [on the floor of the fake computer company]  Care to tango?

  Faisil : Yes, I would.

  Harry : [they start dancing]  Assholes.

• [Harry is commandeering a Harrier to rescue his daughter] 

  Gib : Harry, do you realize it has, in fact, been 10 years since you've been behind the wheel of one of these things?

  Harry Tasker : If I break it, they can take it outta my pay.

• Harry : [driving in their SUV]  You tell on me, I tell on you.

  Gib : What are you talking about, I'm as clean as a preacher's sheets. I'm as clean as...

  Harry : What about that time you blew a six-week operation because you were too busy getting a blow job?

  Gib : You knew about that?

  Harry : Uh-huh.

• [about Harry's daughter, just having entered the fake computer company] 

  Gib : Do you think she's still a virgin?

  Harry : Dont be ridiculous, she's only - -what is she now?

  Gib : She's fourteen!

  Harry : She's fourteen years old!

  Gib : Yeah, and her little hormones are going off like a car alarm.

• Gib : [talking to Helen in a disguised voice]  If you don't complete your mission, the deal is off

  [hangs up the phone] 

  Gib : I'm going to hell.

• Gib : [helping Harry into their SUV]  You know what? I say we concentrate on work, buddy. That's what I do every time my life turns to dog shit. I concentrate on work, and that gets me by. All right, buddy? This is gonna be great. You know what? We're gonna catch some terrorists, we're gonna beat the crap out of them, you're gonna feel a hell of a lot better.

• Faisil : [the van is slipping on ice]  Hey, watch it.

  Gib : It's called ice, and it gets a little slick.

• Gib : Kids - 10 seconds of joy, 30 years of misery.

• Gib : You aren't her parents anymore, her parents are Axl Rose and Madonna, you can't compete with that kind of bombardment.

• Gib : [to Harry, who thinks his wife is having an affair]  Hey, Harry. Listen, Helen still loves you. You know, she just wants to bang this guy for a while. You know? It's nothing serious. You'll get used to it soon...

  Harry : [slams him up against a car]  Stop cheering me up!

• Harry : Put a tap on her phone.

  Gib : What are you talking about? I already did that.

  Harry : I'm talking about Helen's. Put a tap on her office line and the line to my house. Do it NOW.

  Gib : Okay. All right. Just come over her. Sounds great. I just wanna ask you about something.

  [takes him aside] 

  Gib : I got two words to describe that idea, in-sane. An unauthorized wire tap is a felony, pard...

  Harry : [slams him up against the wall]  And we're doing it twenty times a day! So don't give me that crap.

• [Harry returns to the van after escaping the castle] 

  Harry : Hi guys.

  Gib : Well that worked real good. Right out the old front gate.

  Harry : Can you lean back a second...

  [Harry shoots two remaining pursuers] 

• [Harry has just returned from Helen's office and is shell-shocked] 

  Harry : Helen... Helen...

  Gib : Helen...?

  Harry : Helen...

  Gib : It's got something to do with Helen, I'm guessing.

  Harry : Helen...

  Harry : [on the sidewalk next to their SUV]  Helen... is having an affair!

  Gib : [hugs him]  Welcome to the club, man!

• Harry : [Harry is reading the tapped phone conversations from Helen, notices something, and quickly pulls the car over to the side of the road and up onto the curb] 

  Gib : [getting out of the passenger side]  My turn to drive?

  Harry : Give me the page!

  Gib : What?

  Harry : This jumps from page 9 to page 11, where's page 10?

  Gib : [looks at paper]  Must be a typo.

  Harry : [shouts, breaks the window with his bare fist]  Give me the goddamn page!

  Harry : ok

  [Gib looks at the window, and quickly grabs page 10 from his coat] 

  Harry : OK.

• Faisil : [sitting next to Albert, hacking into a computer inside their surveillance van]  Yes! Files are unlocked! Fast Faisil strikes again. I'm doing, man! I've got my hand up her skirt, and I AM GOIN...

  Gib : [covers his microphone so Harry wont hear him]  Just copy the goddam files, OK?

• [Harry lights up a cigarette and starts coughing] 

  Gib : [over the radio]  Dickhead.

  Harry : [over the radio, walking on the street]  Blow me.

• [Harry becomes angered when he discovers that Helen may be having an affair] 

  Gib : What did you expect, Harry? Helen's a flesh and blood woman and you're never there. It was only a matter of time.

• Gib : [to Harry, referring to Juno Skinner, over the radio]  Seconds count buddy. Ditch the bitch.

• Gib : Harry? Harry? You do not have time to tango, buddy. You copy?

• Gib : [shouting to civilians after pursuing Aziz throughout the hotel]  Federal officer! Get down now! Duck or Die!

• Gib : Kids ten seconds of joy 30 years of misery I got married 3 times but was never dumb enough to have any.

• Gib : [about Juno meeting Harry]  Son of a bitch is with her two minutes, and she's ready to bear his children.