Man of the House (1995)

Jonathan Taylor Thomas: Ben Archer

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Quotes 

• Jack Sturgess : Ben, what are you doing here?

  Ben Archer : I came back here to help you. What do you think?

  Jack Sturgess : I don't need any help.

  Ben Archer : [observing the state Jack is in]  Oh, really? Then what were you planning to do when those guys found you? Lie there and pretend to be a slug?

  Jack Sturgess : Exactly. Now get out of here. You're blowing my cover.

  Ben Archer : [struggling to get the tree trunk off Jack's leg]  You can't tell me what to do. You're not my father.

  Jack Sturgess : [with a groan]  I knew you were going to say that eventually.

• Jack Sturgess : [after after sending the troops away so he can face his enemies]  That means you too, Ben.

  Ben Archer : No way. I'm staying here with you.

  Jack Sturgess : You're not staying with me.

  Ben Archer : But I can help.

  Jack Sturgess : You can be more help by making sure the others get down okay. Now go on. Get out of here. I mean it.

  [Ben starts to follow the others] 

  Jack Sturgess : Ben!

  [Ben turns around] 

  Jack Sturgess : Thanks anyway. I appreciate it.

  [Ben nods and walks away] 

• Ben Archer : [Ben has to choose an Indian name for Jack]  How about... Squatting Dog?

  Jack Sturgess : [Jack gives him a surprised look]  Squatting Dog? That's the best you could come up with?

  Ben Archer : I had a dog once who had a terrible case of the squirts. He was my best friend in the whole world.

  Jack Sturgess : Didn't you have any other pets?

  Ben Archer : I had a squirrel named Numb Nuts.

  Jack Sturgess : [sighs]  I think I'll take... Squatting Dog.

• Ben Archer : [as the bad guys are trying to figure out the best way to kill Ben and Jack]  If you were really clever, you'd wrap us in wet rawhide, and when it dried it would shrink and squeeze our organs out through our orifices like a tube of toothpaste.

  [Jack looks at him with disgust and confusion] 

  Ben Archer : [innocently]  I saw it on America's Most Wanted...