Black Sheep (1996)
Chris Farley: Mike Donnelly
Photos
Quotes
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Mike : [on stage making a fool of himself] That's one small step for man! One giant... I have a dream!
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Mike : And so he says, "Rectum? Damn near killed'em!"
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[phoning citizens in an attempt to secure votes]
Mike : Hi there, this is Mike Donnelly. I work over here at the recreational center. To be honest with you, I pretty much run the place ha, ha, ha. Is this ah Pat Gyles? Good, Good. Hey, hope everything's going great in your fine town of... er... Avery? Edward! Ha, ha, ha. Say, the reason I'm calling is I wanted to tell you a little bit about the candidacy of Al Donnelly. Al Donnelly's a guy with a dream. His dream is to become governor of this great state of Washington. Hell, every guy's got his dream, am I right? Between you, me, and the wall here, I had a doozy myself last night. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Get this: A corn-fed harvest mouse, a hooker, a nun, a Flemish peasant woman, whips, chains, whistles yo-yo's, a circus midget. My grandmother riding by on a bicycle gives me the finger, and a duck! Now, I don't know ha, ha, ha. Are you crying? Oh my lord. I am sorry honey, please don't! Could you get your daddy on the phone. No, don't hang up please I...
[phone hangs up]
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[Mike is pretending to be a cop, Steve is pretending to be a prisoner]
Steve : Ro-ads. Ro-ods.
Mike : Quiet back there! I've taken enough guff from you for one day!
[turns to state trooper]
Mike : Raving psycho! Butchered 400 chickens and screwed a beagle. I'm taking him back to Nevada where he's wanted for banging horses!
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Mike : [cheering on Rock the Vote Crowd] Yea! Kill whitey!
[crowd goes silent]
Rastafarian : No! No! No!
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Mike : [dressed as security guard] Please move away from this vector and get into another coordinate pronto. There's no access for you in this quadrant.
Teen : Man, why don't you goose-step on down to the women and children over there and give them your little power trip, because they may be impressed by it, asshole!
Mike : Young man, I'm gonna twist off your head and spike it onto the floors of a nightmare you can't even imagine! I will dance with you inside the six-sided ring of fire, unless you move from this area, far and fast, NOW!
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Mike : Man! This place is trashed!
Steve : Check this out! This whole fridge is held up here just by this plug!
[unplugs the fridge, letting it slide toward Mike, pinning him against the wall]
Steve : You OK?
Mike : I'm just dandy! I got a bowl of chocolate pudding in my underpants!
Steve : We didn't have any pudding in there, buddy.
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Mike : We've all been screwed by Governor Tracy, and now, I'm going to screw her!
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Mike : [on stage making a fool of himself] Voting kicks ass right! Cause, uh, if voting kicks ass, you got some kick ass shit!
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Mike : Horse shit!
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Motorcycle Cop : [Steve and Mike are high on nitrous oxide and have been pulled over] Do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?
Mike : [Acting casual] Sixty? Sixty five tops?
Motorcycle Cop : *Seven!*
[Mike reacts]
Motorcycle Cop : Seven miles an hour.
Motorcycle Cop : And normally, when I stop people, they pull on the shoulder!
[Mike is shown to have stopped and pulled over onto the center line]
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Motorcycle Cop : Could you take him through here a little faster than seven miles per hour, Officer...
Mike : Meoff, Jack.
[turns to Steve and mouths "Jack Meoff"]
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Mike : Boy, I could sure use some cupcakes or peanut butter cups right now.
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Mike : [holding onto a small plant on a steep hill] Oh, thank you, little roots! Please stay strong!
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Steve : [completely wasted on the nitrous oxide] ... But, this map is heavy... It's got all of those... robes on it. Robes? Rogues?
Mike : [also stoned; giggling] Roads!
Mike : [suddenly stops laughing] I'm stoned... so are you!
[looks in the backseat]
Mike : Dammit! The nitrous oxide's leaking into the car! OK, calm down... we just gotta keep under the speed limit... limit...
[starts giggling again]
Mike : Limit! Haha, that's another one of those freaky words!
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[last lines]
Al Donnelly : [as Mike sees his brother and Steve off in their plane] So long, little brother.
Mike Donnelly : Okay, see you, Al. So this is it, huh, Steve?
Steve Dodds : I guess I'm gonna miss you. I'm not gonna miss a 9mm to my head, but... What were you thinking?
Mike Donnelly : I don't know. All right, you guys. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
[as they board, Mike closes the door and waves goodbye, but his coat is caught in the door, and the planes starts to drag him]
Mike Donnelly : Oh, my God! No! No! Please don't take off! Please! Al! Al! No, no! NOOOOOOOOOOO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!
[the planes takes off, and Mike flies along for the ride]
