Cannibal! The Musical (1993)
Ian Hardin: Shannon Bell
Photos
Quotes
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George Noon : [interrupting the trappers' gruesome song about the joys of killing animals] Oh, stop!
James Humphrey : That's sick!
Frenchy Cabazon : I agree! Nutter was singing in the wrong key!
Preston Nutter : No I wasn't! It was Loutzenheiser! I was singing in E-flat minor.
Frenchy Cabazon : The song's in F-sharp major!
Shannon Bell : I think they're the same thing. I mean, E flat is the relative major of F sharp.
Frenchy Cabazon : No it isn't! The relative minor is three half-tones DOWN from the major, not up!
George Noon : No, it's three down. Like A is the relative minor of C major.
O.D. Loutzenheiser : But isn't A-sharp in C major?
Shannon Bell : Wait, are you singing mixolydian scales or something?
Frenchy Cabazon : A-sharp is tonic to C major! It's the sixth!
James Humphrey : No, it isn't!
Israel Swan : Well, it would be like a raised 13th if anything.
Frenchy Cabazon : Oh well, you guys are just a bunch of loser diggers anyhow!
James Humphrey : Oh, see, you know we're right!
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James Humphrey : Wait, you guys. Let me talk to them. I know how to speak Indian.
Shannon Bell : We're gonna die.
James Humphrey : Weep-wah, weep-wah, surro no happo?
Indian #2 : Nani itto n jaa, omee?
[What the heck are you saying?]
James Humphrey : He says, "Welcome to the land of blue light."
[Humphrey simultaneously signs "Jesus Christ is dead."]
Indian #2 : Omai wa sono uchi, sakana to ishoo ni onemu suru koto ni naru, zo!
[Keep it up and you'll be sleeping with the fishes, see?]
James Humphrey : I am a carpenter, and this is my brother, Tom.
Frank Miller : Humphrey, you are so full of shit!
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The Cyclops : Are you lookin' at my eye?
Miners : [all scream]
The Cyclops : Are you lookin' at my *eye*?
Miners : [various] No. No. No. Not at all.
The Cyclops : A union army soldier did this to me in the big one. Any of you boys fight for the union army?
Frank Miller : Shucks no!
Shannon Bell : Chucky dang darn!
The Cyclops : So, you the boys been killin' all my sheepies with those traps?
George Noon : Naw! We just now gots here.
The Cyclops : Where are you from?
James Humphrey : Nashville.
The Cyclops : Well, damn! It's good to see some Southern boys! It's been a long time!
[sings]
The Cyclops : Oh, I wish I were in the land of cotton, old times there are not forgotten, look away! Look away! Look Awaaaay...
[waits for other to finish]
James Humphrey : ...You stupid yank!
The Cyclops : You ain't southern boys!
Miners : [all scream again and run]
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Indian #2 : Nanda? Sugu kotchi koi! Haiyaku! Haiyaku!
[What the heck? Come here immediately! Quickly! Quickly!]
Indian #1 : Kuso, bakayarou! Kono eiga ga daikirai zo.
[Shit, you moron! I hate this movie]
James Humphrey : Uh, you guys, I think they want us to follow them.
Indian #1 : Ike. Kono eiga ga suggoi baka na eiga da na!
[Go. This is a really stupid movie!]
Alferd Packer : What should we do?
George Noon : Maybe they just want Humphrey.
Indian #1 : Kotchi koi!
[Come here!]
Shannon Bell : I guess we don't have much choice.
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Frank Miller : Well, haven't you ever heard of the Donner party?
James Humphrey : Yeah, the Donner party! They got stuck in the California mountains.
Alferd Packer : They had to eat each other to stay alive.
[They all glance over at Swan's corpse]
James Humphrey : Well, heck yeah, why not?
Shannon Bell : Wait a minute, Humphrey, you wouldn't even eat your shoes!
James Humphrey : Well yeah, but you put your feet in shoes!
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Frank Miller : God you guys make me sick. What is this, a fucking feel good convention?
Shannon Bell : Listen, we have a long journey ahead of us. Its important we all get along. Now, you're hurting people's feelings. Your gunna have to find a more constructive way to express your anger.
Frank Miller : Okay. Well, fuck you! How's that for constructive?
Shannon Bell : That's great, now go to time out Mister.
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Shannon Bell : We are from Utah.
Indian Chief : Utah?
[Bell holds out the Mormon Bible]
Indian Chief : Ah, Utah.
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Shannon Bell : Can you tell us what tribe this is?
Indian Chief : We are Indians.
Shannon Bell : Yes... I can see that, but can you tell us...
Indian Chief : You don't believe we are Indians?
Shannon Bell : No, all...
Indian Chief : We have teepees!
[Motions with arms at teepees]
Shannon Bell : Yes, I see, but...
Indian Chief : Look at all these teepees we have... Because, we are...
[looks at companion and folds arms]
Indian Chief : Indians!
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James Humphrey : Watch out for that bear trap.
Shannon Bell : What?
[Bear trap snaps on his leg]
Shannon Bell : [screams] Shpadoinkle.
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Shannon Bell : Trials and tribulations, that's what life's all about! Now are we gonna let this one little thing keep us from fulfilling our dreams?
Miners : Yes!
Shannon Bell : Oh, come on now. We've gotta be strong, don't we?
Miners : No!
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[repeated line]
Shannon Bell : The Lord works in mysterious ways.
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Shannon Bell : Howdy!
General Store Clerk : Howdy!
George Noon : Howdy!
General Store Clerk : Howdy!
Israel Swan : Howdy-do!
General Store Clerk : Howdy!
Frank Miller : Howdy!
General Store Clerk : Howdy!
James Humphrey : Howdy!
General Store Clerk : Howdy!
Alferd Packer : Howdy-do!
General Store Clerk : Howdy!
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Voice of Doom : [the miners meet a strange old man] You'll never come back again! It's got a curse on it!
James Humphrey : Provo?
Voice of Doom : The Rocky Mountains! I gotta warn ya... You're doomed! Doomed! Doomed! You're doomed! Doomed! Turn back while you still can! You're doomed! You're all doomed!
[He leaves]
Shannon Bell , Alferd Packer : Thank you.
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Israel Swan : I know what we should do: Let's build a snowman, we can make him our best friend!
Frank Miller : Shut the fuck up, Swan!
Israel Swan : [continues singing] We can name him Shannon! Shannon Wilson Bell! We can make him tall, we can make him not so tall...
Frank Miller : SWAN! SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Shannon Bell : [shoots Swan in the head, thus ending the musical number]