The Glimmer Man (1996)
Keenen Ivory Wayans: Det. Jim Campbell
Photos
Quotes
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Jack Cole : It's called a mala. Tibetan pray beads.
Jim Campbell : What do you use 'em for?
Jack Cole : I use 'em to calm my mind and to purify my thoughts.
Jim Campbell : Yeah, I use Jack Daniels!
Jack Cole : See now, we're trying to go to same place. We're just using different technique.
Jim Campbell : Except I don't wear the bottle around my neck!
Jack Cole : That's because you'd lose your job if you did...
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Donald Cunningham : [picks up the phone] Yeah.
[Cole and Deverell's conversation is played on a tape]
Jim Campbell : Sounds like your ass just got sold down the river, shit-head!
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Jim Campbell : Have you seen Casablanca?
Jack Cole : You're asking me, have I seen Casablanca?
Jim Campbell : Have you?
Jack Cole : A guy like me, not seen Casablanca?
Jim Campbell : Well have you?
Jack Cole : No.
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Mr. Smith : He's selling it to a bunch of Serbian freedom fighters.
Jim Campbell : You mean terrorists.
Mr. Smith : Semantics. You say tomato...
Jim Campbell : No, motherfucker, I didn't say tomato, I said terrorists.
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Jack Cole : [regarding a dead Russian woman] What else do you see?
Jim Campbell : She's got nice tits.
Jack Cole : Exactly. But I think a little *too* nice.
[takes a scalpel and cuts open the woman's breast, removing a gel-filled implant with a serial number on it]
Jack Cole : Okay, partner. Run this number.
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Jack Cole : Once and a while you should cry because it cleanses the soul and you can use a little bit of that.
Jim Campbell : If I need a cleansing, I'll have a bran muffin.
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Jim Campbell : Look, why don't we just get you some red boots and a cape, so you can fly around the city and stop ALL the crime!
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Jim Campbell : What would cause something like that?
Coroner : What am I? The Amazing Randi? We have tests to run. It will take time.
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Jack Cole : Do you speak Russian?
Jim Campbell : A little bit.
[Campbell starts banging the suspect's head to the trunk of the car]
Jim Campbell : Answer, god damn mother fucker! Or I'll beat the shit out of your dumb ass!
Jack Cole : You speak good Russian!
Jim Campbell : Yes, black Russian!
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Jack Cole : [Campbell is shot through a window but catches the ledge on his way down. Cole brings him a rope from the roof] Hang on, Jim!
Jim Campbell : Good idea, Jack! I wouldn't have thought of that!
[Cole grabs him and they crash through an old lady's window]
Jim Campbell : Police business, ma'am. The elevator was broken.
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Mr. Smith : [Cole has deftly shot and wounded Smith, while trying to obtain information that can clear Jack of several recent murders] You're a fucking' psycho! Campbell, *you're* still a cop! Aren't you going to help?
Jim Campbell : Okay...
[pulls a gun on Smith]
Jim Campbell : But I'm a really bad shot.
[Cole stops him]
Jim Campbell : Just trying to help you, Jack.
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[Two kids with toy guns scare Campbell. Campbell draws on them]
Jim Campbell : FREEZE! Drop them now!
[they comply]
Jim Campbell : Where the FUCK do you two live?
Ghetto Kid : Around the corner.
Jim Campbell : Then *get your ugly ass* around the corner and take little Whoopi Goldberg here with you!
[kids run off]
Jim Campbell : Jesus Christ! Showdown on Sesame Street! Next thing Big Bird'll pop his ugly ass out one of these doors.
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Jim Campbell : You sell roaches? Damn, I'm in the wrong business! I could make money and never leave my apartment.
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Lt. Jack Cole : ...So, are you married?
Det. Jim Campbell : There, right there, is what I hate about new partners: they always want to get personal. But, if you must know, I'm single. And the reason I'm single is because every cop I know who's married has a wife who won't sleep with him, kids who don't respect him, and a dog who'd rather lick himself than go fetch the newspaper.
[the dispatcher calls in with a hostage situation at St. Edmund's Catholic School. Jack responds to the call]
Det. Jim Campbell : ... Hey, man! What are you doing?
Lt. Jack Cole : We're in that area, aren't we? Look, St. Edmund's is right over here.
Det. Jim Campbell : No, see, that's *suicide*. We're HOMICIDE. Some dumbass wants to jump off a bridge, it's his business. Some dumbass pushes another dumbass off that bridge, THEN it's our business.
Lt. Jack Cole : The way I look at it, death is death. We gotta have compassion for the dead, the dying, the could-be-dying, and the about-to-be-dead.
Det. Jim Campbell : ...All right. You win. We're there.
[He kicks in the siren]
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Jim Campbell : If you'll excuse me I have to get back to the nineties now.
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Det. Jim Campbell : [responding to a hostage situation @ St. Edmund's Catholic high school] ... Man, you know this ain't our gig.
Lt. Jack Cole : Why worry? It's just a lovesick kid here; he's not the first, he won't be the last.
Det. Jim Campbell : Yeah, an *armed and dangerous* lovesick kid. Why do you think we've got SWAT?
Lt. Jack Cole : Because they look good in black. See if you can beg or borrow a couple of cell-phones for me; I'll meet you there.
[Inside a nearby classroom, Johnny holds his fellow students and their teacher at gunpoint]
Millie : ...Johnny! Johnny, please stop this. They're going to hurt you if...!
Johnny Deverell : I'm *not* in the mood for this, Millie!
Millie : Just put the gun down, Johnny! Stop this! Please, Johnny!
Lt. Jack Cole : [over the school's PA system] Johnny. This is Detective Jack Cole, LAPD. I'm not here to hurt you; I'm here to help you. I just gotta get in some kind of dialogue with you before SWAT gets here, because I don't want you to get hurt. So step over to the window, and you'll see that I'm unarmed.
Johnny Deverell : Nobody move!
[the young hostages cower beneath their desks]
Lt. Jack Cole : Just come on over to the window, so you can see me. That's it.
[Johnny looks out the window but doesn't see anybody. Then Cole bursts in through the door, gun drawn]
Lt. Jack Cole : Sorry I had to do that, Johnny. Put the gun down. I don't wanna shoot you, and you don't wanna be dead.
Johnny Deverell : Why not?
Lt. Jack Cole : Come on, drop the gun! Or at least tell me what you want.
Johnny Deverell : Don't talk like you know what makes me tick, man! You want me to start shooting?
[He waves his gun at his classmates]
Lt. Jack Cole : You're right; I don't know you. So I'm gonna put my gun down...
[He does]
Lt. Jack Cole : ... and we'll start out like this. Now, what's the problem?
Johnny Deverell : You wouldn't understand, man.
Lt. Jack Cole : Try me.
Johnny Deverell : I just can't go back with them.
Lt. Jack Cole : With who? Who can't you go back with?
[as Johnny puts the gun to his own head, Cole catches him with a ramming tackle... which sends them both out one window and in through another]
Millie : I love you, Johnny!
Johnny Deverell : [barely conscious] I love you too, Millie.
Lt. Jack Cole : [dazed] And I love both of you.
[to himself]
Lt. Jack Cole : Boy, this job is something else!