Muppet Treasure Island (1996)
Kevin Bishop: Jim Hawkins
Photos
Quotes
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[Billy Bones has apparently died]
Rizzo : He died? And this is supposed to be a kids' movie!
Billy Bones : [Billy Bones suddenly wakes up and, without opening his eyes, grabs Gonzo's nose to pull him closer] Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim! You've always been a decent sort to old Billy Bones.
Gonzo : I'm not Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim.
[Nods at Jim]
Gonzo : *He's* Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim.
Billy Bones : [Billy Bones grabs Jim's shirt and pulls him closer] Jim?
Jim Hawkins : Yes, Captain?
Billy Bones : Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim!
Jim Hawkins : Yes, Captain, what is it?
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Billy Bones : Beware lads! Beware.
Jim Hawkins : What, the one-legged man?
Billy Bones : Aye. But also, beware runnin' with scissors or any other pointy object. It's all good fun, until somebody loses a - Ahhhh!
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Jim Hawkins : Kill Captain Smollett, and you'll have to kill me.
Gonzo : Kill Jim, and you'll have to kill me.
Squire Trelawney : Kill Gonzo, and you'll have to kill me.
Rizzo : Kill Squire Trelawney and Mr. Bimbo, and you'll have to... negotiate strenuously.
[Silver turns to try to escape only to run into Benjamina and a gang of pigs]
Benjamina Gunn : Going somewhere, John-John?
Long John Silver : Well, Master Hawkins, it seems your little family has come together against me.
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Squire Trelawney : Well, gentlemen, this is definitely a genuine bona-fide treasure map.
Jim Hawkins : Really?
Squire Trelawney : Oh, yes. Mr. Bimbo told me so.
[pause]
Squire Trelawney : Oh, Mr. Bimbo lives in my finger. He's very smart. He's been to the moon.
[puts finger to his ear]
Squire Trelawney : Oh, thank you... twice.
Rizzo : I smell a bozo.
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Captain Abraham Smollett : Where to, Captain Hawkins?
Jim Hawkins : To wherever the wind may take us!
Gonzo : Off to Zanzibar to meet the Zanzibarbarians!
Rizzo : Oh, brother! Here they go again!
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[Jim and Gonzo have been listing the different directions of the compass and what lies that way]
Mrs. Bluberidge : To the northwest dirty dishes!
Gonzo : How does she do that?
Jim Hawkins : Might as well start. I'll wash.
Rizzo : I'll dry.
Gonzo : I'll break.
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Jim Hawkins : That's the raging volcano? He's a frog.
Rizzo : Hey, hey, maybe he gets hopping mad.
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Long John Silver : Aw, hell, Jim. I could never harm you. You're honest and brave and true. You didn't learn that from me.
Jim Hawkins : I learned it from my friends, Mr. Silver. Now, take your oars and row away. I never want to see you again. Ever.
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Blind Pew : [stroking Jim's hair] Oh a pretty little girl is it? Yes, take me to Billy Bones, ma pet!
Jim Hawkins : You've got it all wrong, there's no Billy Bones here, and I'm not a girl!
Blind Pew : I maybe visually challenged, but I can SEE, YOU'RE LYING.
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Jim Hawkins : Here you go, your bread and water for the day.
Mad Monty : But I ordered shrimp scampi!
Long John Silver : It's more than y'deserve y'villainous dolts!
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Jim Hawkins : I'm sorry your present didn't work out.
Long John Silver : Aww, Jim. Smollet sails by rules and laws. That's what being a captain is all about. Me, I sails by the stars.
Jim Hawkins : Stars?
Long John Silver : North, Jim. Find me north out there among them stars.
Jim Hawkins : [pulls out compass] Well, that's easy...
Long John Silver : [takes compass from Jim and holds it overboard] Ah yeah, but what if you don't have a compass?
Jim Hawkins : Long John, please don't drop it! It was my father's. It's all I have of his. Please... please...
Long John Silver : [hands it back] I'm sorry, lad. I were only fooling. How old were you when he died, then?
Jim Hawkins : Seven.
Long John Silver : I were eight when my father died at sea. First mate, he was.
Jim Hawkins : My father was a first mate, too!
Long John Silver : Was he now? By the powers, what a coincidence!
[points to the night sky]
Long John Silver : Now, Jim, that be Polaris, the North Star. Even in the China Sea, that's north.
Jim Hawkins : [points to the star] North. Polaris. So, we must be heading southwest.
Long John Silver : Smart as paint you are, lad! Smart as paint! Now, that gets ol' Long John to wondering: why would we be sailing southwest? The scuttlebutt among the crew is that, um, we're sailing for buried treasure... and, uh, someone on board has a map. 'Course, none of my concern, Jim. I'm just a ship's cook. Such matters are best suited to Captain Smollet. He runs this ship, not I.
Jim Hawkins : Come on, Long John. You could captain this ship.
Long John Silver : That I could, lad. Maybe someday I will.
[laughs]
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Jim Hawkins : [sung] I look around here and I want to cry.
Rizzo : Ah, me too.
Jim Hawkins : [sung] I feel like the world is passing me by.
Gonzo : It is.
Jim Hawkins : [sung] And I just can't help but wonder am I doomed to wash and dry? And is it a curse I'm under to do it till I die.
Gonzo : Oh, I hope not.
Jim Hawkins : [sung] When I could be an explorer...
Gonzo : Sure you could.
Jim Hawkins : [sung] ... sailing off to distant lands...
Gonzo : Wait! Not so fast.
Jim Hawkins : [sung] ... 'stead of spending every afternoon just getting dishpan hands. My future looks like nowhere that I want to be.
Jim Hawkins , Rizzo , Gonzo : [sung] There's got to be something better, something better...
Jim Hawkins : [sung] There's got to be something better than this for me.
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Dr. David Livesey : [looking at the treasure map] Say, I know what's happening here. You chaps are planning to sail to this island, aren't you? To dig up this treasure.
Jim Hawkins : Yes, but we must be quiet about it.
[whisper]
Jim Hawkins : There are pirates looking for this map.
Gonzo : [normal voice] Yeah, and they want to KILL us for it! Isn't that exciting?
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Jim Hawkins : Welcome aboard, Captain Smollet.
Mr. Samuel Arrow : And welcome to your lady pig friend.
