Bean (1997)

Andrew Lawrence: Kevin Langley

Quotes 

• Kevin Langley : I can't sleep. I can'e stop thinking about naked women. What about you?

  Mr. Bean : Whistler's Mother.

  Kevin Langley : Well, whatever turns you on!

• Kevin Langley : Hey, what's wrong with Meat Loaf's butt?

• [the Langleys have a conference about Bean's arrival] 

  Jennifer Langley : [in sarcastic tone]  You're kidding.

  David Langley : Come on, it's gonna be great! Let's say there's a chart of the most intelligent people you've ever met in your lives. Well, at number one with the bullet is Doctor Bean.

  [family sighs] 

  Kevin Langley : Kevin, you know how sometimes you ask me questions that I can't answer.

  Kevin Langley : Yeah Like "What is an intrauterine device"?

  David Langley : I think more like "What's the meaning of life?"

  Kevin Langley : I never asked you that.

  David Langley : That's fine. It doesn't matter! What I'm saying here is that Doctor Bean is a very remarkable man.

  David Langley : [to Jennifer]  Hey, for all you know, he could be very cute.

  [cuts to Bean standing in London raising his eyebrows at the camera] 

  David Langley : [cuts back to Jennifer] 

  Jennifer Langley : Come on, the guy's gonna be a creep. All Englishmen are ugly. I just look at Prince Charles and weep.

  David Langley : Okay, so he's gonna look like meatloaf's butt.

  Jennifer Langley : Yeah, and that's if we get lucky.

  [Jennifer prepares to leave the room] 

  David Langley : Jennifer, no one is asking you to marry him!

  Jennifer Langley : I don't know why we have these family conferences if Dad's already made up his mind.

  Alison Langley : Perceptive child.

  Kevin Langley : Hey, what's wrong with meatloaf's butt?

  David Langley : [stands up and shouts loudly across the room]  Oh, come on, everybody! It's gonna be great! Doctor Bean is a genius at the very highest order!

• Kevin Langley : [return a short while with their mother, with Bean absent]  Hi, Dad.

  Jennifer Langley : Hi, Dad.

  Alison Langley : [Bean appears]  Hello, doctor.

  Kevin Langley : Bye, dad.

  Jennifer Langley : Bye, dad.

  [both leave, leaving David full of distress] 

• Kevin Langley : Oh, if you still can't sleep, come to my room. I got some great posters of Cindy Crawford on my wall.

• [deleted scene; David enters the house with a towel draped around his waist; Mr. Bean cooks breakfast] 

  David Langley : What time is it?

  Mr. Bean : [stirs a saucepan]  Scrambled eggs, anyone?

  David Langley : No, thank you.

  [notices Kevin sitting at the kitchen table] 

  David Langley : Kevin?

  [approaches] 

  David Langley : Shouldn't you be getting to school?

  Kevin Langley : Yeah, I'm waiting.

  David Langley : [confused]  Waiting for what?

  [Mr. Bean sets orange juice down on the table] 

  Kevin Langley : For you to take me.

  David Langley : Y-your mother normally takes you to school?

  Kevin Langley : Yeah.

  David Langley : [shakes his head]  OK. OK, OK, come on, let's do it.

  [pours himself a cup of juice] 

  David Langley : This day of all days to be late. Day when I get to go to work and tell them Whistler's Mother now looks like Pinocchio's father.

  [leaves with his cup] 

  Mr. Bean : Ah! Toast?

  [flips two slices of toast on an oven rack and smells them; sighs happily]