Grosse Pointe Blank (1997)

Dan Aykroyd: Grocer

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mr. Grocer : [singing]  I'll be comin' around the mountain when I come / I'll be comin' around the mountain when I come / I'll be blowin' your fuckin' head off / I'll be blowin' your fuckin' head off / I'll be whackin' your fuckin' mind out when I come.

• Martin Q. Blank : You must've done some *naughty* shit there, Bart.

  [flips dossier over to him] 

  Martin Q. Blank : There's a contract out on your life. Believe me. I was hired to kill you, but I'm not going to do it. It's either because I'm in love with your daughter or because I have a newfound respect for life.

  Mr. Grocer : [following in van]  That punk is either in love with that guy's daughter or he has a newfound respect for life.

  Mr. Newberry : [after reading dossier]  My whole life!

  Martin Q. Blank : Hopefully not.

• Mr. Grocer : [Martin and Grocer have just killed Agents Lardner and McCullers]  Workers of the world, UNITE!

  [point their empty guns at each other] 

  Mr. Grocer : Look at that: Empty!

  Mr. Grocer : [Grocer pulls a fresh pistol as he hears Martin releasing the slide on his empty pistol]  Solidarity baby! You out?

  Marty : Yeah.

  Mr. Grocer : So, what are you gonna do? You gonna THROW that gun at me?

  Marty : No.

  Mr. Grocer : How 'bout this? How 'bout I sell you a piece for a hundred Gs?

  Marty : OK! Front me?

  [grabs TV] 

  Mr. Grocer : Deal!

  [throws the gun out, waiting to off Martin] 

  Marty : Popcorn!

  [slams TV on Grocer's head, killing him] 

• Mr. Grocer : [Marty and Grocer are shooting eachother]  Comrade! Comrade!

  Marty : What?

  Mr. Grocer : Why don't you just join the union, we'll go upstairs together and cap daddy!

  Marty : This union, there's gonna be meetings?

  Mr. Grocer : Of course!

  Marty : No meetings.

  [They continue shooting] 

• Mr. Grocer : And after we do your job, we're gonna do another little job.

  Marty : Tell me about it.

  Mr. Grocer : Like I'm gonna put a bullet hole in your fuckin' forehead, and I'm gonna fuck the brain hole!

  Marty : Nice talk, sugar mouth.

• Mr. Grocer : Here's the new stuff, kid. Durazac 15. Makes Prozac seem like a decaf latté. Want a couple? I've got jars.

  Marty : I don't do that stuff anymore.

  Mr. Grocer : No wonder you got the shakes. And don't say "do it," because I don't "do it." I *ingest* it, on orders from my neurophysiologist. It's legal. In five years they'll be putting it in the water for the citizens, like fluoride.

• Mr. Grocer : Smells like a wedding. You're breaking my heart down here, Blank, I can't aim through the tears.

• Mr. Grocer : Ya sure Oregon doesn't ring a bell? The Pacific Northwest, couple of months ago? Something about you doin' some wonderdog named Cujo...

  Martin Q. Blank : Ah, *Budro*, yes, Budro, Jesus Christ! Yeah, I was out there tryin' to whack these junk bond fuckos and these idiots were flushing game with sticks of dynamite! And the dog that they borrowed, little Budro, was a retriever, get it? Budro was never a target, Budro was acting on instinct. I would never hurt an animal and I'm offended at the accusation...

  Mr. Grocer : Whoa, whoa, whoa, Chatty Cathy! Clip yer string, I don't need to know! But, just for the record, here's what I heard: the marks borrowed your client's prize hunting pup. So, bad luck for Budro and bad luck for Blank. Poodle pumper. Hound hitter. Pooch puncher!

• Mr. Grocer : Hey, if you're lookin' for a father figure I'll give you a spankin'!

• [Grocer walks into the diner carrying a brown bag] 

  Mr. Grocer : Easy there, Chief. I don't see Hollow-Point Wound Care on the menu.

  Marty : [whispering]  Up, up...

  [they lay their guns on the table] 

  Marty : Why are you in Detroit? Red Wings need a new goon?

• Marty : What about those two guys in a Caprice Classic outside? The word is you turned two Governments on me, you turncoat.

  Mr. Grocer : Me?

  Marty : You.

  Mr. Grocer : Go G?

  Marty : Yes.

  Mr. Grocer : On you?

  Marty : Yes.

  Mr. Grocer : Never.

• Mr. Grocer : Kid, I'm putting together a little concern, which would enable those of us in our, uh, rarified profession to avoid embarrassing overlaps.

  Martin Q. Blank : What, like a union?

  Mr. Grocer : More like a club. You know, work less, make more.

  Martin Q. Blank : Wow, sounds like a great idea, but... thank you, no.

  Mr. Grocer : No? You remember Burma?

  Martin Q. Blank : Yeah, I do.

  Mr. Grocer : That nut, General Kwang? You were like a... colonel in that army, weren't you?

  Martin Q. Blank : Yeah, yeah, he sold you all those tanks, you shipped 'em to Alabama...

  Mr. Grocer : T-34s, I took a bath on that.

  Martin Q. Blank : Yeah, that was fun.

  Mr. Grocer : That's what I'm talking about, kid, we could be working together again, for God's sake! You know, making big money, killing important people!

• Mr. Grocer : Look, I don't want to play against you! This thing is real.

  Martin Q. Blank : How real?

  Mr. Grocer : Maranga Brothers, them, uh, East German ex-Stasi guys...

  Martin Q. Blank : Oh, I don't like those guys.

  Mr. Grocer : Them butch Filipino ladies...

  Martin Q. Blank : What, the dwarf, maid...

  [makes stabbing motion] 

  Mr. Grocer : Stabbers! Queens of the hotel hit, you know.

  Martin Q. Blank : You got a great crew.

  Mr. Grocer : Everybody's in!

  Martin Q. Blank : Yeah well, not me, so don't paw at me with your dirty little guild, okay?