- Lt. Penelope Carpenter: You know about the Navy's rules against fraternization among officers.
- Lt. Cmdr. Quinton McHale: Well, I guess I'm retired again!
- Capt. Wallace B. Binghampton: Did we wake you up?
- Willie: No sir, we've been up since the crack of noon.
- Lt. Cmdr. Quinton McHale: Remember to try tonight's drink special: Stolen Vodka Surprise. We stole Vladikov's vodka. Surprise!
- Capt. Wallace B. Binghampton: Just a warning, anyone or anything sleeping in the trees will be SHOT!
- [going through contraband items]
- Capt. Wallace B. Binghampton: McHale's Mai Tai... McHale's Ale... McHale's Girls of the San Ysidro Islands calendar? Will somebody explain to me what this is?
- Parker: You see, sir, these are scantily-clad yet tasteful photos of women the men use as an...
- Capt. Wallace B. Binghampton: Shut up!
- [during bar brawl]
- Virgil: Well, it seems that my stuntmen have arrived. I'd better go... rehearse.
- David: [to Vladikov] ... but I am here to help you, even if you're keeping my entire family hostage in Bangladesh.
- Maj. Vladikov: [Has just been given bad news, picks up his pistol and shoots over shoulder at henchmen who delivered it] Did I get him?
- David: [Looks back to see Vladikov shot off the henchmans ear] Just missed.