Bowfinger (1999)
Eddie Murphy: Kit Ramsey, Jiff Ramsey
Photos
Quotes
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Kit : White boys always get the Oscar. It's a known fact. Did I ever get a nomination? No! You know why? Cause I hadn't played any of them slave roles, and get my ass whipped. That's how you get the nomination. A black dude who plays a slave that gets his ass whipped gets the nomination, a white guy who plays an idiot gets the Oscar. That's what I need, I need to play a retarded slave, then I'll get the Oscar.
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Kit : It's too cerebral! We're trying to make a movie here, not a film!
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Robert K. Bowfinger : Do you have any experience in motion pictures?
Jiff Ramsey : Uh, well, yeah, quite a bit, actually, I have quite a bit of experience. I'm an active, uh, renter at Blockbuster, and I, um, attend the filmed cinema, uh, as much as possible, weekly, bi-weekly, inter-week-... intermediately.
Robert K. Bowfinger : Would you be willing to cut your hair?
Jiff Ramsey : [sighs] Oh, yes, but, uh, it's usually better if someone else does it. I've had a few... accidents.
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Kit : [looking around] Hey! Freddy?
Slater : You heard me Kincade, don't act dumb! Where's the plutonium?
Kit : Hey, the plutonium is mine, its been registered for religious purposes!
Slater : [confused] You, you actually have some plutonium?
Robert K. Bowfinger : [listening] He's got *plutonium*?
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[Interviewing Jiff for the movie]
Robert K. Bowfinger : Would you be willing to cut your hair?
Jiff Ramsey : Well, yeah, but it would probably be better if someone else did it. I've had a few... accidents.
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Kit's Agent : This is a great script! Look, it's not Shakespeare, but it...
Kit : Hey, what did you just say?
Agent : I said, 'it's not Shakespeare'...
Kit : 'It's not Shake... ', 'It's not Shake... ' (to Freddy) Do you hear what he's doing?
Freddy : I know he's doing something, I just can't put my finger on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah... What's he doing?
Kit : Shakespeare, Freddy, Shakespeare!
Freddy : Shakespeare?
Kit : Shake a spear! Spearchucker! I'm a spearchucker now!
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Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho : Happy premise #1.
Kit : Happy premise #1: There are no aliens.
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho : Happy premise #2.
Kit : Happy premise #2: There is no giant foot trying to squash me.
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho : Happy premise #3.
Kit : Happy premise #3: Even though I feel like I might ignite, I probably won't.
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Kit : Go call Arnold and Sly, and Jackie Chan and Van Damme, and tell them the spearchucker said hello!
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Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho : And what is it that we don't do?
Kit : Oh, man!
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho : What is it?
Kit : Look, I have to show it to the Laker Girls.
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho : You cannot show it to the Laker Girls. I know you want to show it to the Laker Girls but you can never show it to the Laker Girls. Keep Mr Weenie in the pants. Always in the pants.
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Kit : The white man gets all the best catchphrases!
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Jiff Ramsey : Oh, gosh, I'm really hoping to get a career running errands. That'd be a major boost for me.
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Kit : Them people can't speak English good!
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Kit : The sickness is deep.
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Kit : It's people like you that give Mindhead a bad name!
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Bowfinger : It's all good. It's all good. It's a - this script is butta!
Kit Ramsey : What?
Bowfinger : Butta! Butta! This stuff is butta. It's a - it's a - it's a - it's - it's - it's all good! It's a jiggy baby. It's a...
Kit Ramsey : Wait. Wait. Hold. Hold. Now, how you know it's all good and jiggy baby?
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[Bowfinger has snuck his way onto Kit's property and approaches him with the script for "Chubby Rain"]
Kit : Wait, wait, wait. Who are you?
Robert K. Bowfinger : They just buzzed me in. Script delivery from Paramount.
Kit : I ain't expectin' no script from Paramount.
Robert K. Bowfinger : I mean... Universal?
Kit : [beat] Maybe so. Come on.
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Kit Ramsey : Damn! You're supposed to be the agent! Huh? I tell you what, you better find me a line as good as the time I told Tommy Lee Jones, "Fuck ya'll!" and blew his brains out.
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Kit Ramsey : Yeah, go find that script: "Buck, the Wonder Slave."
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Freddy : Hey, yo, Kit, you know what's happenin' here? This is just another example of the white man takin' all the best catch phrases and then givin' 'em to Arnold or Stallone.
Kit Ramsey : Exactly. Exactly! Exactly! And Jackie Chan and Van Damme and them can't even speak English good!
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Terry Stricter : Kit, do you think you can keep it together?
Kit Ramsey : Yes, I can keep it together. I'm keepin' it together. I'm K-I-T, Kit. Keep it together. I'm keepin' it together, right now! keepittogetherkeepittogetherkeepittogether. Keepittogher. I'm keepin' it together. Don't I look together?
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Kit Ramsey : I'm telling you, strange people are coming up to me on the street and they speakin' in Jupitarian or Venutian or somethin'.
Terry Stricter : Okay, now. Strangers come up to you and you don't understand what they're saying.
Kit Ramsey : What is that?
Terry Stricter : Maybe they're fans? Crazy fans?
Kit Ramsey : They and they talk to me. Only they speak to me in some secret, white language that I can't decode! It's horrifying!
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Bowfinger : This is one of the *hot* scenes that's about heat and - and - and - chemistry.
Jiff Ramsey : Oh, it must be the artistic portion of the film.
Bowfinger : That's right. So, so give her a little room, react normally, be sensitive above all; because, in this scene, Daisy's going to take off her blouse.
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Bowfinger : Do you have any experience in motion pictures?
Jiff Ramsey : Oh, yeah, I have quite a bit, actually. Quite a bit of experience. I'm active renter at Blockbuster and I attend the film to cinema as much as possible. Weekly, bi-weekly, inter-week - intermediate-ly.
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Bowfinger : Would you be willing to cut your hair?
Jiff Ramsey : Yes, but it's usually better if somebody else does it. I've had a few accidents.
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Terry Stricter : What did this alien want from you?
Kit Ramsey : She wants to inhale my gonads!
Terry Stricter : Say again?
Kit Ramsey : My gonads! My gonads! What they do is they come down to shake your hands. The aliens pretend to be shaking your hands. But, they not! They inhale your gonads and take them back to they're world for special research!
Terry Stricter : Kit, maybe you should stay with us for a few days... in our special celebrity relaxing quarters.
Kit Ramsey : [nervously smiling] You think I need that?
Terry Stricter : I do.
Kit Ramsey : [to one of his entourage] Hey, go get my checkbook! Keep it together.
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Kit : [as John F. Kennedy] As I stand here before you today, the Laker Girls need to be taken down a peg or two.
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[Jiff and Daisy are filming a scene for "Chubby Rain"]
Daisy : Keith, I don't know what's right anymore. All I know is I have feelings that make me need you. Need you now!
[She rips off her blouse, exposing herself to Jiff. Jiff laughs awkwardly. He turns and smiles to the crew]
Jiff Ramsey : Awesome!
[to Daisy]
Jiff Ramsey : You're doing great! You're gonna be a star.
