Siobhan Hunter: Mother Goose

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Mother Goose : Hello, children. I'm Mother Goose. Guess what? I've dusted off the old storybook and I'm about to bring you a wonderful tale, sure to bring a smile to your face, a tear to your heart, and that tingly feeling in your naughty parts. You may want to share your fun with Mommy and Daddy bu-u-t...

  [beckons with index finger and proceeds in a lower voice] 

  Mother Goose : if, while I'm talking, Mommy and Daddy start to get naked and do some funny wrestling, and Mommy starts to scream, "Jesus! Christ! Fill me! Fill me!", you must promise to run straight to your room, quick as a bunny. Now, let's snuggle back and enjoy the wonderful adventures of Little Red Riding Hood.

• Mother Goose : Once upon a time, when fairy tales were really hot stuff, in the small village of Gobbledyguk, near a big forest, there lived a kindly lady named Mrs. Hood who owned a quaint little store featuring bread, homemade candies, and lotto tickets. But we don't give a shit about her. It's her stepdaughter we want to focus on. Now, there were a lot of pretty women in that village, but the finest of them all was Mrs. Hood's stepdaughter, Bernice, better known as Little Red Riding Hood.

• Mother Goose : [in voiceover]  As you might have guessed, Mrs. Hood and Red really aren't stepmother and stepdaughter. We don't do no kinky shit like that in *our* fairy tales. They're really lesbo lovers of the 47th degree.

• [last lines] 

  Mother Goose : And that's the story of Little Red Riding Hood. Wasn't the woodsman, Hal, big and strong and handsome? But that's what fairy tales are all about, so you can dream. And you know what they say,

  [singing] 

  Mother Goose : "Fairy tales can come true. They can happen to you. La, la, la, la..."

  Wolf , Hal : [singing]  Da, da, da...

  Wolf : [singing]  When you are among the very young at heart.

  Wolf : [imitating Wolfman Jack]  Another hit song brought to you by Wolfman.

  [Hal, Wolf, and Mother Goose continue singing]