Topsy-Turvy (1999)

Martin Savage: George Grossmith

Quotes 

• [rehearsing a scene] 

  George Grossmith : [annoyed]  "Well, a nice mess you've got us into, with your nodding head, and the deference due to a man of pedigree!"

  Gilbert : Mr. Grossmith, you are under sentence of death, "by something lingering, either boiling oil or melted lead." Kindly bear that in mind.

• Wilhelm : Mr. Grossmith, kindly oblige me by removing your hat.

  George Grossmith : Why, sir? Are you ready for me?

  Wilhelm : Would that I were, sir. And, I'll thank you not to refer to my designs as "vulgar", Mr. Lely.

  Durward Lely : Mr. Wilhelm, to my eyes, your designs are not only vulgar, but obscene!

  Wilhelm : How DARE you, sir?

  Gilbert : Strong words, Lely - what the deuce do you mean?

  Durward Lely : Mr. Gilbert, I am a respectably married man and I love my wife dearly. Now, one of the few pleasures that she has enjoyed since the untimely demise of my beloved mother-in-law is to watch me perform upon the stage. But, I am not prepared to allow her to suffer the embarrassment of seeing me flaunted before the public like a half-dressed, performing dog!

  Gilbert : You have my sympathies, Lely. Unfortunately, your avocation as an actor compels you, on occasion, to endure the most ignominious indignities, to which Grossmith will doubtless testify.

  George Grossmith : Without question, sir.

• Gilbert : You, do?

  [referring to the chorus members belief that the Mikado song should not have been cut] 

  Mr. Price : Yes, sir, we do so.

  Female Chorus Member : Yes, especially after all our extremely hard work and of course, Mr. Temple's.

  Gilbert : I'm very sorry for you, but as we all know, it's an unjust world.

  Male Chorus Member : We all feel it would have been a great benefit to the opera.

  Female Chorus Member : And it's fair for it to be left to the audience to decide.

  Gilbert : Is this the considered opinion of you all?

  Chorus Members : It is, sir.

  Mr. Kent : I am not a party to this, Mr. Gilbert.

  Gilbert : Ah, Mr. Kent, as ever the sole voice of reason!

  Gilbert : [to Temple, who has unexpectedly come upon the meeting of Gilbert and the chorus members]  Mr. Temple, what do you make of this occurrence?

  Richard Temple : I do beg your pardon Mr. Gilbert, but I have absolutely no idea of what is taking place.

  Gilbert : There has been a request that your song be reinstated.

  Richard Temple : Ah.

  [pause] 

  Richard Temple : Ah.

  Gilbert : A most forceful request, I have to say.

  [George Grossmith also comes unexpectedly upon the crowd] 

  George Grossmith : [to the crowd members]  Afternoon, afternoon, please give way.

  [seeing Gilbert] 

  George Grossmith : Ah! Beg pardon, sir.

  Gilbert : This is surprising, indeed, ladies and gentlemen, somewhat overwhelming.

  Gilbert : [to Temple]  Temple, would you be prepared to sing this song at this evening's performance?

  Richard Temple : Yes, sir, I would.

  Gilbert : [after long hesitation]  Then please be so good as to do so.

  [Chorus members laugh, cheer and applaud] 

  Gilbert : Rehearsals will commence in five minutes!

  Male Chorus Member : Congratulations, Temple!

• George Grossmith : [of the Japanese fan]  I'm sure I've seen this on a vase somewhere.

• George Grossmith : I have a meeting with Carte this afternoon.

  George Grossmith : At what hour?

  Rutland Barrington : Five o'clock.

  George Grossmith : Curious. I am to meet with him at half-past four.

  Durward Lely : Strange, I DON'T have a meeting with him at four o'clock.

  Rutland Barrington : It is my firm intention to prise open his purse.

  George Grossmith : It will take a far stronger man than you, Mr. Barrington, to fulfill that herculean labour.

  Rutland Barrington : [chuckles]  And what's your mission, Captain Grossmith?

  George Grossmith : Oh, there are certain little matters.

• Gilbert : Thus. The traditional Japanese posture adopted by well-meaning, but misguided, underlings upon the departure of their august superiors.

  George Grossmith : Would that be a recognised Japanese attitude, sir?

  Gilbert : Not as yet, Grossmith, but I have every confidence that it shall become one.

• George Grossmith : The Hottentot in the desert doesn't play cricket. His natural habitation being the jungly-bungly tree, he is as yet hardly able to walk upright, don't you know.

• Gilbert : You have my sympathies, Lely. But unfortunately your avocation as an actor compels you on occasion to endure the most ignominious indignities, as Grossmith will doubtless testify.

  George Grossmith : Without question, sir.

• [Seymour, the stage manager, fills in Lely's part during a rehearsal] 

  Mr. Seymour, Production Manager : [reading from the script, over-acting]  Oh, but it's too late! I'm a dead man, and I'm off for my honeymoon.

  [Barrington falls about laughing] 

  George Grossmith : Uncanny, is it not?

  Gilbert : Mr. Seymour, please inform Mr. Lely that his services will no longer be required.

• George Grossmith : [In rehearsals as Koko, and pronouncing a word wrongly]  Is this a time for airy persiflidge?

  Gilbert : *Persiflage*, Grossmith.

  George Grossmith : Is it?

  Gilbert : It is.

  George Grossmith : Is this a time for airy persiflage? Doesn't sound right to me.

  Gilbert : Persiflage, mirage, fromage.