That '70s Show (1998–2006)

Lisa Robin Kelly: Laurie Forman

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kitty Forman : I need someone who can take evil

  [Laurie walks in] 

  Kitty Forman : How's mama's girl? I have a job for you.

  Laurie Forman : Not interested.

  Kitty Forman : It pays 10 dollars.

  Laurie Forman : I'll do anything for ten dollars.

  Kitty Forman : For once that's a good thing.

• Red : Nothing around this house is cheap.

  Eric : Except for Laurie.

  Laurie Forman : I am not cheap!

  Eric : Free, whatever.

• Pastor Dave : Ok, Laurie, let's see what you have.

  Laurie Forman : [Laurie slowly puts three cards down one at a time while smiling and glaring at Dave] 

  Pastor Dave : Six... six... six... Oh, well thank you for the wonderful evening! I'll see you at church!

• Donna Pinciotti : Do you think Eric could cheat on me with Shelley?

  Michael Kelso : Donna, Shelley's a tramp. No guy could ever turn down a tramp.

  Donna Pinciotti : Oh, my god. Is that true?

  Steven Hyde : I don't know. Let's find out. Laurie, have you ever been turned down?

  Laurie Forman : No.

  Steven Hyde : See?

• Laurie Forman : You should watch your back.

  Jackie Burkhardt : You should stop spending so much time on yours.

• Red : Well, we got vandals in this town. I was driving home and I saw the water tower giving me the finger.

  Laurie Forman : Vandals you say? Hmm, where were you last night, Eric?

  Kitty Forman : Oh, can it, Laurie. Eric you look pale. Let me see your eyes.

  [Eric just looks down] 

  Kitty Forman : Look at me.

  [Eric looks at Kitty, imagining her she was naked after seeing his parents having sex] 

  Kitty Forman : Do you have fever?

  Red : [Eric looks at Red, and he's imagining him naked, too]  I know what you need. Right after breakfast, I want you to mow the lawn. The fresh air will do you good.

  Kitty Forman : [the camera turns around back to Kitty. Kitty is still naked and she wipes something off her chest]  Eric, is something bothering you?

  Eric : [looking at Kitty and Red a couple more times]  God, make it stop!

  [leaves the table] 

• Laurie Forman : You know Eric, hickeys lead to dirty things.

  Red Forman : For God sakes. Don't let Donna suck your neck.

• Michael Kelso : Jackie and I are back together.

  Laurie Forman : I understand. But, do you want to see my appendix scar?

  Michael Kelso : Once again... WHAT'S-HER-NAME AND I ARE BACK TOGETHER.

• Steven Hyde : Pimp gave you the holiday off, huh?

  Laurie Forman : Yeah, he replaced me with your mom.

• Red Forman : Oh and uh, here's a 20.

  Laurie Forman : Will that cover for gas?

  Kitty Forman : Oh well, honey, give her another 10 just in case.

  Eric : You know, I could use some gas money.

  Red Forman : [laughs]  Yeah... and if a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump it's ass when it hops.

• Eric : Laurie was born with a tail!

  [Fez and Hyde look disgusted; Laurie looks horrified and humiliated] 

  Laurie Forman : I hate you!

  [runs away crying] 

• Laurie Forman : Hey jackie, whose that cute guy you came here with?

  Jackie Burkhardt : BACK OFF! I need him for right now but you can have him when i'm done.

• Michael Kelso : Laurie, what's going on? You're acting like you're liking me, and that's weird.

  Laurie Forman : Like I told you, Kelso. I'm bored.

  Michael Kelso : Well, that's very flattering.

• Steven Hyde : Oh, I see how it is. When things get ugly, all of a sudden I'm family.

  Laurie Forman : Not to me, you freak.

  Steven Hyde : [pause]  You are SO gonna wind up in porno.

• Red Forman : I say good riddance. That cat was always making a mess on my lawn and going through my garbage.

  Laurie Forman : Yeah. But now we have Hyde to do that.

  Steven Hyde : Oh yeah, Laurie? And what exactly do you do? Oh, yeah - the Packers.

• Kitty Forman : Steven's father is in town?

  Laurie Forman : Yeah, right. Like he even knows who his father is.

  [gets up and leaves] 

  Red Forman : Do you know anything about this?

  Eric : Yeah. She's a bitch.

• Donna Pinciotti : Laurie, are these your panties?

  Laurie Forman : Donna, please. I don't wear pink panties.

  Steven Hyde : Yeah, she'd have to wear panties to wear pink panties.

• Eric : Fez, you better start kissing Red's butt or else he'll make sure you're deported.

  Fez : Who should be kissing who's butt? He should be thanking me for taking his trashy daughter off his hands.

  Laurie Forman : I'm not that trashy. I won't sleep with you.

  Fez : Oh, zip it Jezabelle.

• [Red complains about the neighbors' dog] 

  Red : That thing was always messing in my yard and going through my trash.

  Laurie Forman : Now we have Hyde for that.

  Steven Hyde : Oh yeah Laurie, and what exactly do you do? Oh that's right, the Packers.

• Laurie Forman : What about Hyde? Why doesn't HE have to go to church?

  Steven Hyde : While I respect the Judeo-Christian ethic, as well as the eastern philosophies and of course the teachings of Mohammed, I find that organized religion has corrupted those beliefs to justify countless atrocities throughout history. Were I to attend church, I'd be a hypocrite.

• Laurie Forman : Stop being such a little girl and do something bad for once!