That '70s Show (1998–2006)
Don Stark: Bob Pinciotti
Photos
Quotes
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Bob Pinciotti : You know Red, that hurts.
Red Forman : So does a swift kick in the ass.
Bob Pinciotti : You know, Red, a kick in the ass isn't the solution to everything.
Red Forman : I'm afraid I'm gonna have to disagree with that, Bob.
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Bob Pinciotti : [Bob has come over to the Foremans place after he cut down a tree that almost fell on Red] Red, I'm so sorry. It was an accident.
Red Forman : [Red's acting nice] I thought I never say this. I'm glad you're my friend.
[hugs Bob]
Bob Pinciotti : Red, I thought I'd never say this, you smell nice.
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Bob Pinciotti : uh-heh
Red Forman : OK, Bob, What is it?
Bob Pinciotti : I'm just curious. What's the word on that Hyde kid?
Red Forman : Steven? He's a little rebellious, just needs some direction.
Bob Pinciotti : Apparently he's getting it, Red. I kind of walked into your living room and he and Kitty were in some sort of provocative embrace. I think he's putting the moves on your wife.
Red Forman : Ooh my God. Now I've gotta kill him. Get your deer rifle, Bob.
Bob Pinciotti : H... Hold on Red. I... I... I could have been mistaken.
Red Forman : You know what you saw. Get the damn gun.
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Bob Pinciotti : I didn't ask for a drink.
Fez : Well, I didn't ask to be born in a field.
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[Midge left Bob]
Bob Pinciotti : I don't get it. She didn't give me any sign, any warning.
Donna Pinciotti : Dad, she kept saying "I'm unhappy and I'm going to leave".
Bob Pinciotti : Donna, that's just something married people say.
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Red Forman : [to Eric] This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Bob Pinciotti : [to Donna] You too.
Red Forman : You're gonna drive Donna home, and then you're gonna wait for me. That's an order.
Bob Pinciotti : Ditto... Aww, come here. I can't stay mad at you with that cute face.
[hugs her; Eric looks at Red with open arms]
Red Forman : Get your ugly ass in the car.
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[Bob is having a ridiculously festive sale at his store]
Bob Pinciotti : What are you, ashamed of me?
Donna Pinciotti : Well, look around, dad.
Bob Pinciotti : Oh, I get it. But, let me tell you something. You see a clown, I see you in college. You see your dad dressed as a ringmaster, I see you in grad school. You see a monkey in a tutu... Well that just makes me laugh.
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Midge Pinciotti : The unexamined self is the unfulfilled self.
Bob Pinciotti : What do you mean? You don't feel fulfilled? Why don't you feel fulfilled? I pay the bills. I put a roof over your head. I take care of you.
Midge Pinciotti : I know, Bob. But, what do I do?
Bob Pinciotti : Well, you fill out that sweater real nice.
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Midge Pinciotti : Look, Bob, even the English language is sexist. Why is it mailman and not mailwoman?
Bob Pinciotti : Yeah. And, why is it mail? It should be female.
Midge Pinciotti : Now you're thinking.
Bob Pinciotti : No, I'm not. I'm just pointing out how stupid it is.
Midge Pinciotti : You know what, Bob? You're one of them.
[storms out]
Bob Pinciotti : My wife is a maniac... Sorry, a womaniac.
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Bob Pinciotti : You're my best friend!
Red : No I'm not!
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Eric : Hey, dad, um, I was wondering if you could show me, like, a few fighting moves.
Red : Who you planning to fight?
Eric : David Milbank.
Bob Pinciotti : David Milbank? He's got scoliosis and asthma.
[pause]
Bob Pinciotti : You could take him.
Red : Oh, come on now, Eric. Why don't you, uh, beat up Kelso? I don't work for his dad.
Eric : He's making a move on Donna.
Bob Pinciotti : Oh, no. No. No. Donna's not going near that pretzel boy! No. No. You gotta nip this in the bud, Eric.
Red : All right. All right. The bridge of the nose is very vulnerable.
Bob Pinciotti : Oh. Oh! And hit him with a banjo!
Red : [pauses and stares at Bob] A banjo, Bob?
Bob Pinciotti : What? I'm helping!
Red : Where's he gonna get a banjo?
Bob Pinciotti : I don't know! But I saw a guy get hit with a banjo once, and he went down.
Red : [pauses and stares at Bob again] Hitting a guy with a banjo, is dirty.
[to Eric]
Red : You wanna knee him in the groin.
Bob Pinciotti : You can hit him in the groin with a banjo.
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Bob Pinciotti : Now be a good girl and sneak out some of them Jordan almonds for Daddy, okay?
Donna Pinciotti : No Dad, those are for the feminists!
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Bob Pinciotti : [at Thanksgiving dinner, Bob is reading out what someone wrote they're thankful for] I think I got Red's. The only words I can say are "Eric", "little" and a word that starts with mother.
Kitty Forman : Oh... mother. That sounds nice.
Bob Pinciotti : It's a hard left after.
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Red Forman : Bob, that's my stuff. You put the hell back my stuff.
Bob Pinciotti : Sorry, Red, it was in my part of the garage.
Kitty Forman : What's he talking about?
Red Forman : Kitty, let me talk to him.
Red Forman : Bob, get the hell out of my garage!
Bob Pinciotti : [upset] Fine!
