If You Only Knew (1999)

James Le Gros: Jack

Quotes 

• Jack : Yeah, what's gonna happen when all you want to do is the filthy nasty with her and all she wants from you is an opinion on which earrings she should wear with a dress?

• Jack : [as Boris, Parker's Russian boyfriend, checking out Sam's paintings]  Oh, it's very nice, um, pictures.

  Samantha : In our country we call them paintings.

  Jack : [checking out her behind]  Panties.

  Samantha : No, paintings.

  Jack : Panties.

  Samantha : [correctively]  PAIN-TINGS.

  Jack : Pain-ties.

• Jack : [as Boris]  What is the large rush? We am talking with Sam to get to know each other.

• Jack : [as Boris, thinly disguising his interest in Sam's breasts]  Oh, this was an enormous, large, very good pleasure for me, and I'm looking very forward to the next time that I eat you.

• Jack : Turn gay, attract women.

  Parker Concorde : I know. It's weird. Y'know, ever since I've been... gay... I've felt more comfortable around women than I've ever been.

  Jack : Well, of course. You got nothing at stake, you know? You're just waiting for Sam and her lawyer boyfriend to break up. Until then, no other woman in the world exists for you.

  Parker Concorde : That is so not true.

  [a young woman jogs past them] 

  Jack : Oh, yeah? What'd you think of her?

  Parker Concorde : Who?

  Jack : I rest my case.

• Parker Concorde : Well, if I'm pathetic, you're... pathetic-er.

  Jack : Nice one, writer-boy.