Comedy's Dirtiest Dozen (1988)

Jackie Martling: Self

Quotes 

• Jackie Martling : Did you know that things are so bad now in New York city, That you can now catch aids from a public toilet seat! If you sit down before the last guy gets up!

• Jackie Martling : Guy sticks a finger in a girls pussy. She says stick in another finger. He said, "Why, what do ya wanna do... whistle?"

• Jackie Martling : My old lady told me that picking my nose is disgusting. So from now on I have to do it myself.

• Jackie Martling : Did you hear about the guy who couldn't cum? We had to go get him!

• Jackie Martling : A nurse asks the doctor what he's doing? He says he's writing a prescription. She says he's using a thermometer. He says, "Jesus Christ, some assholes got my pen"

• Jackie Martling : A guys buffing his old lady. He's going at it. He starts screaming "SPREAD YOUR LEGS WIDER, WIDER, WIDER" she said "What are you trying to get your balls in?" He said "NO, IM TRYING TO GET THEM OUT"

• Jackie Martling : Pop, can I have twenty dollars for a blow job? I dunno, you any good?

• Jackie Martling : This girl goes to her doctor and he says, "You have accute avaginisis." She says, "Thank you"

• Jackie Martling : New gay sitcom, "Leave it, it's Beaver" Jewish Faggot. "He-Blew" Gay qiorboy. Choked on his first hymn.

• Jackie Martling : Q: What does it mean when 2 lesbians make love? A: It doesn't mean dick.

• Jackie Martling : Two deaf guys, friends, meet on the street and one signs and the other talks. The deaf guy signs "wow you learned how to talk?" The other goes yeah, it was easy, I'll give you the name of my doctor. So he goes to the doctor and the doctor says I'll teach you how to talk. Just lean over the table there. The doc grabs a big long pool cue and shoves it up the guys are. He screams "AHHHHHH" The doc says, "That's great, come back tommorow and we will work on the B's"

• Jackie Martling : So Lady Di and Dolly Patton decide to have a popularity competition. So Dolly runs over to England, and takes off her top and starts jiggling her tots around. The crowed screams WE LOVE YOU DOLLY. WE LOVE YOU. Then Lady Di comes out and douches herself and the crowed boo and gag and throw up. The judges say," Well that's it, Lady Di wins! A royal flush beats two of a kind!"