Love Stinks (1999)

Bridgette Wilson-Sampras: Chelsea Turner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Chelsea : All I ever wanted to do was spend my life loving you, you disgusting sack of shit.

  Seth : If that's all you wanted, then why did you hire the sleaziest lawyer in town, you pathologically deluded, morally bankrupt, in-denial, self-esteem-deficient bitch on wheels?

  Chelsea : I am NOT in denial.

• Chelsea : I really like this guy. I think that Seth could be the one.

  Holly : Are you serious? Does he feel the same way?

  Chelsea : Please, he's a man. He has no idea how he's feeling.

• Seth : [in the shower]  Oh my God! My hair is falling out!

  Chelsea : You know stress will do that to ya!

  Seth : Holy shit! It's really falling out!

  [hair begins to fall out rapidly] 

  Seth : Oh my God! AHHH! OH! OOOHH!

  [steps out of shower and looks into mirror] 

  Seth : AHHHHHHHHHHH! What did you do to me?

  Chelsea : I didn't do anything! You must have used my hair remover instead of your conditioner

  Seth : Noo! YOU PUT SOME IN THERE TO FUCK WITH ME!

  Chelsea : No, I didn't! I swear!

  Seth : Ooooohhhhh you are the fuckin' devil! THE DEVIL!

• Chelsea : [Sleeping in bed with Seth, he farts and the pets disperse]  Ugh, you are such a pig!

  Seth : Oh... man, I am so sorry! You know I had beans and broccoli for dinner and I washed them down with some crab cakes...

  [farts loudly] 

  Seth : OH!...

  Chelsea : [simultaneously]  EWWW! Ew! Ew!

  Seth : Goodness! I am so sorry. Would you like to spoon me? Because, I feel like I'm past the worst of it, and I need some cuddle-time - Oh, wait, no, I was wrong. Incoming!

  [farts] 

  Seth : OH!...

  Chelsea : [simultaneously]  Ugh, you're sick! Ew!

  Seth : My goodness! Keeping the neighbors up, huh? Feet are on fire. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!

  [farts rapidly, four times] 

  Seth : Oh man! I've got skills! I've got game! Ah... mmmm - oh!

  [farts loudly] 

  Seth : Ole!

• Seth : But we agreed to $100,000. We shook on it. We had sex on it.

  Chelsea : Hate sex.

• [last lines] 

  Chelsea : Can you believe that creep wouldn't marry me?

  Sheriff : No, ma'am.

  Chelsea : You'd marry me, right?

  Sheriff : No, ma'am.

  Chelsea : Of course you would. I'm tall. I'm thin. I'm adorable.

  Sheriff : Don't make me gag you, ma'am.

• Holly : We're going to go over strategy. Now, remember, Chelsea, it took me three breakups, seven ultimatums, and God knows how many not-so-thinly veiled threats before Larry coughed up this ring.

  Chelsea : Oooh. Okay, whatever it takes, I'm gonna marry that man.

• Chelsea : Can I make it up to you?

  Seth : What did you have in mind?

  Chelsea : Back rub, blow-job, breakfast in bed.

  Seth : The three B's! It has a chance at working.