Chump Change (2000)

Tim Matheson: Simon 'Sez' Simone

Photos 

Quotes 

• Simon 'Sez' Simone : These are the rules of comedy. Ok? For instance: right place wrong time - funny. Wrong place right time - funny. Wrong place wrong time - not funny! Stupid - funny, retarded - not funny! Fat - funny, bald - funny, hair - not funny. But, toupees and wigs - very funny, don't ask me why! Falling down - it's funny. Old is funny. Grandpa - funny, grandma - funny. Grandpa gettin' whacked in the crotch - funny. Grandma gettin' whacked in the crotch - not funny, but, grandma gettin' whacked in the head - very funny, don't ask me why! Farting is always funny, farting at inopportune times - killer funny. Pets, peeing on their owners - funny. Owners peeing on their pets - not funny. But bodily functions, by pets and people, in general - very funny, all the time, don't ask me why!