Hägar the Horrible (1989 TV Short)

Lydia Cornell: Honi

Quotes 

• Hägar : [Helga is cleaning and humming as Hagar comes home; she soon wipes one of the horns on his helmet, but Hagar shoves her away]  Helga! Will you stop cleaning and listen to me? I thought the problem was the Viking Academy and Olaf, but they're as good as ever. The problem is the kids, and how *you've* been bringing them up!

  Helga : Look, if you think you can do better, oh great wise one, be my guest.

  Hägar : All right, watch this.

  [calls Honi and Hamlet] 

  Hägar : Honi! Hamlet!

  Honi : Yeah, Dad?

  Hamlet : Whatcha want?

  Hägar : Look: you kids mean the world to me, but your mother's been letting you get away with murder. Well, it won't be that way now that *I'm* home. Honi, I forbid you to marry any man who can't meet Viking standards, so forget your engagement to that weird guy, Lute.

  Honi : Huh?

  Hägar : Hamlet, I forbid you to read any more books until you improve your Viking skills and the Viking Academy agrees to take you back.

  Hamlet : What?

  Hägar : We'll start working at it first thing tomorrow. Well, that's all.

  Hamlet : Gee!

  Honi : Aww!

  [they both leave, guilt-stricken] 

  Hägar : So, whaddya think?

  Helga : I wouldn't get my hopes up for Father's Day.

• Hamlet : So you think it's wrong of me not to be glad Dad's home after he's ruined our lives?

  Honi : You mean wrong of us.

  Hamlet : [patting his books]  I can't help it, I love books.

  Honi : And I love Lute, but I love Dad, too.

  Hamlet : Boy, I bet if we didn't love anything, we wouldn't be having these problems.

  Honi : Maybe there's a way to make *everybody* happy.

  Hamlet : Gee, that sounds good.

  Honi : I'll train Lute to be what Dad wants.

  Hamlet : If you could make a Viking out of Lute, I guess I could make a Viking out of me!

• Hägar : [after he and the crowd of potential male suitors for Honi laugh at Lute for using a napkin after eating]  That's not how you pick a Viking husband.

  Honi : Oh no? Well, how should a husband be chosen?

  Hägar : I'll show ya.

  [turning to the crowd] 

  Hägar : All right, who wants to date my daughter?